'AITA for refusing to share my homemade meals with my roommate’s boyfriend?'
"AITA for refusing to share my homemade meals with my roommate’s boyfriend?"
So I (25F) have a roommate, Sara (26F), who recently started dating this guy, Tom (28M). I cook most of my meals from scratch because I enjoy it, and it’s cheaper and healthier for me.
Sara’s fine with it and occasionally I’ll share leftovers with her when I make extra, no problem. Lately, though, Tom has started coming over more often—almost daily—and has been helping himself to my food.
He doesn’t ask, doesn’t offer to contribute groceries, and never says thank you. I didn’t say anything at first because I didn’t want to be rude, but last week I came home to find he’d eaten an entire portion of food I’d prepped for my next day’s lunch. I finally confronted Sara about it and said I didn’t appreciate Tom eating my food.
She brushed it off, saying he’s just “comfortable here” and that it’s “not a big deal.” I told her it is a big deal because I budget and plan my meals, and if he’s eating my food, it throws everything off. I made it clear I wouldn’t be sharing anymore, and I asked her to let Tom know. Fast forward to yesterday—I made a pot of chili, and Tom came over while I was out.
When I got back, a big chunk of it was gone. I was furious and told Sara that this was exactly what I was talking about, and it needed to stop. Sara said I was overreacting and called me “stingy” for not sharing food when it’s “just a couple of bites” (spoiler: it’s not). I told her I’m not her boyfriend’s chef and that I don’t owe him free meals.
Now things are tense, and Sara’s acting like I’m the bad guy here. Tom hasn’t said anything directly, but I can tell Sara told him because he’s been giving me the cold shoulder. I’m starting to feel guilty, but I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting boundaries here. AITA?
The internet could not hold back one bit.
Federal-Wolverine-52 wrote:
NTA, period. Tom sounds like an AH and a mooch. You SHOULD tell Tom directly that he needs to stop eating someone else's food. You've done nothing wrong. Don't let Tom/Sara quietly act superior, confront them both together and tell them exactly what you have laid out here and that you expect him to behave like a grown adult human and stop stealing food.
shammy_dammy wrote:
Use the ugly words, like steal. He's STEALING your food. Sure, he's comfortable being a THIEF. And now they're both working on you to get their way. NTA. Don't feel guilty, they're manipulating you.
JanetInSpain wrote:
First, stop worrying about being rude. YOU NEED TO BE RUDE. You need to tell Tom to stop being a damn mooch and that he owes you X for the food he's already STOLEN from you. Do not back down from this. Way too many women are raised to "always be nice" and "don't be rude" and "don't make waves". Yeah... f--k that s--t. Stand up for yourself in no uncertain terms.
Divorced_life wrote:
NTA. Tom is rude and disrespectful. If your roommate won't address him, would you feel comfortable addressing him? Are both of your names on the lease? When is the lease up? Could you begin the process of looking for a new roommate? Sara isn't interested in being a good roommate and seems offended that you don't want her freeloading boyfriend eating all your food.
Perimentalpause wrote:
NTA. What kind of rude person goes to their partner's house and helps themselves to their ROOMMATE'S food? Especially without asking? That's the kicker. He's asked through none of it. Honestly, the next time you see Tom over, confront him directly.
"Hey, Tom, stop eating my food. It's MY food, not Sara's, and the next time I come home and you've screwed my meal planning up, I'm revoking permission for you to come over, since I don't appreciate thieves in my home." Then think about getting stuff you can lock up. Fridge boxes come with locks. Or just lock stuff in your room.
But be clear with Tom, then double down and tell Sara the next instance involves you talking to the landlord about breaking your lease because of a thief. "If it's not that big of a deal, then how about you cook for him and feed him. I'm not f--king him, Sara. I don't benefit from him having a full belly. He's just costing me money and I'm not his boo. Cut it the f--k out."
OP wrote:
For context: I make exactly enough for my meals because I’m on a tight budget. I’m also saving up for a certification exam, so every penny counts. I don’t mind sharing once in a while, but Tom is eating multiple meals a week that I can’t afford to replace. It’s not like he’s starving—he just doesn’t want to buy his own food because it’s “too expensive.”
TheOnlyDave wrote:
Start using their stuff. Dump out her shampoo and conditioner, eat ALL their food, or just throw it away. Now this advice is obviously if you don't care about living with Sara anymore. If you do care then find a cheap/free mini fridge on marketplace and keep all your leftovers in a fridge in your room.