'AITA for refusing to share my lottery winnings with my extended family?'

"AITA for refusing to share my lottery winnings with my extended family?"

I (34M) recently won a significant amount in the lottery. It was a life-changing amount, but not the kind where you end up on the Forbes list. After paying off debts and setting up college funds for my kids, I’ve planned to invest the rest for future security.

My family has always been pretty close-knit, and we’ve supported each other through tough times. Since my win, I’ve helped my immediate family (parents and siblings) with some major bills and financial issues. I thought everyone would be happy with this arrangement.

However, at a family gathering last week, one of my uncles brought up the idea of me giving each family member a portion of the winnings.

This includes distant cousins, second cousins, and even family friends, amounting to over 30 people.

I laughed it off initially, thinking it was a joke. But then several family members approached me throughout the night, mentioning how much they could use the money to ease their lives. I got frustrated and finally announced that I had no intention of splitting my winnings further and believed what I’d already given was enough.

This caused a huge uproar. Some family members accused me of being selfish and greedy, and my aunt even said I was forgetting my roots and those who stood by me during my lowest lows. Now, I feel cornered and upset. I believe I should be allowed to enjoy the fruits of my (admittedly lucky) labor without being deemed an ATM.

My partner thinks I should ignore them and do what’s best for our immediate family, but the tension has made me second-guess whether I’m being unfair. AITA for wanting to keep the rest of my lottery winnings to myself and not distribute them among my extended family and friends?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

LilyLaura01 wrote:

All the leeches come out when money is about! Sad really but true. You see the true nature of people when you have money and everyone wants to be your best friend. NTA you were generous to your immediate family and I highly doubt that uncle watshisface twice removed would even give you a second thought if it were him that won the money.

ThePurpleAesthetic wrote:

NTA. Money makes people greedy & stupid. You don't owe them anything. And when people say you're greedy or "owe them" after they supported you, that's conditional love. I don't know what you did to save the rest but I highly suggest an annuity account to save for retirement as you're still young. That & it'll keep relatives out your wallet, literally. Also, you can afford to block them all & not be bothered!

Fluffy_Rutabaga_115 wrote:

"My aunt even said I was forgetting my roots and those who stood by me during my lowest lows." Did anyone help you with your bills or any other financial support at any time? If not, you owe nothing to any of the ones that are coming out of the woodwork to claim right to your money. It is your money to do with as you and your partner see fit. NTA!

TaxiLady69 wrote:

NTA. Tell them it's gone. It's already invested for yours and your partners future. There's penalties if you try to take money from it early. But most importantly, tell them No.

susanbarron33 wrote:

NTA it’s never a good idea to tell family about money you come into. There are always going to be greedy people coming out.

Miss_Bobbiedoll wrote:

Let them stay mad. My parents are deceased, but I'd help all of my six siblings and the nieces and nephews up close to, which is 3. The rest can continue on barely speaking. Depending on the amount I have about 7 cousins who have carried me through some rough times plus my sister's fiance who is like a sister.

My extended family is huge and we had a family reunion 3 years ago with over 200 people that we charged for to pay for renting the venue, catering, face painted, photographer, bouncy house, etc. I'd have another one and pay for it all myself. That would be it.

Mission-SelfLOVE2024 wrote:

I would never tell my family that I won the lottery. I may tell the people that I want to help that I had a short-term income jump (bonus/bitcoin) and want to help them, but never the lottery. Family turn into vultures when it comes to money.

You owe no one anything, but you will lose people who believe differently. This is the reason families implode so frequently when someone passes away and there is money to distribute. Good luck.

Which-Category5523 wrote:

At the next family gathering set up a table with a nice table cloth and yellow legal pad. Invite your family members to come up and remind you exactly when, where and how they each financially helped you in the past.

That way you can decide what compensation for their altruism they deserve.

I’d love for you to return here and let us know what wonderful self sacrifices they claim they made for you that are worthy of reimbursement.

Smug_The_Cat wrote:

NTA. Everybody wants to get paid and will do whatever mental gymnastics needed to justify it. Family will act entitled just like everyone else. I wonder how often extended family reached out/came around prior to the big win? The moral of the story: if you hit the lotto, don't tell people or their hands will be out before you know it.

PlentyFireFighter143 wrote:

The problem with your uncle's idea is simple: how much is enough? For 30 people, if you gave everyone $1K, that's a lot of dough coming out of your pocket. It's not life-changing for them. You're very likely going to live another 50 years. You're going to have a lot of expenses.

Paying 30 family members $1K because you had the very good fortune of winning the lottery -- and they're related to you -- makes no sense. An alternative may be something like trying to pick up the tab for family parties once in a while or doing something similar when the opportunity arises. But if you're going to have to explain/justify your decision every time you're together, that's not going to be fun.

ChanceAd3606 wrote:

NTA: You won the money. You aren't an AH for spending it how you want. That being said, if I were you, I'd do something like (without knowing how much money you won) give every close family member you actually have a relationship with something like $5k each.

Let them know its a gift, they can spend it on whatever they want, but I would also let them know that this is it. Don't come to me any time you want or even need something in the future. Sure I will do things like pay for the meal if we go out as a family and things like that, but I would make it very clear that after this initial gift, they will get nothing else.

colicinogenic wrote:

NTA this is why you keep it to yourself. You didn't abandon anyone that was there for you, in fact your first move was to help them out. You're allowed to build your own financial security without them. Also these people are older than you, their lottery was being adults in a time when you could afford to build financial security without winning the lottery, where's their winnings?