'AITA for refusing to take my sister’s kids to school after they’ve been bullying my son?'

"AITA for refusing to take my sister’s kids to school after they’ve been b-llying my son?"

A bit of background: My sister (Sarah) and her two kids (Jake 14M and Mia 12F) recently moved in with us after Sarah went through a rough divorce. She’s been staying with us for about six months now, and we’ve tried to be as accommodating as possible. My wife (Laura) and I have one son, Ethan (13M). At first, everything was fine, and the kids got along okay.

Over the last few months, however, Jake and Mia have been making Ethan’s life miserable. They’ve been teasing him constantly, calling him names, and even going through his things when we’re not around. It’s been especially bad for Ethan because he’s more introverted and quiet. He’s come to us multiple times, upset about things they’ve said or done, and I’ve tried addressing it with Sarah.

Her response has been pretty dismissive, saying, “It’s just normal sibling stuff. They’ll grow out of it.” The tipping point came last week when Ethan told me that Jake had taken his school project – something he’d spent days working on – and ruined it by drawing all over it.

Ethan was in tears. When I confronted Jake, he laughed it off like it was a joke. Sarah didn’t seem to think it was a big deal and said Ethan was being too sensitive. Laura was furious but tried to stay calm. I finally had enough and told Sarah that if she couldn’t keep her kids in check, I wasn’t going to keep doing favors like driving them to school every day.

I’ve been taking all the kids to school since Sarah moved in because her car broke down and she hasn’t been able to get it fixed. It’s about a 20-minute detour for me, and I was happy to do it at first, but after all this, I told her it was too much, and she needed to figure it out on her own.

Now, Sarah is upset, saying I’m punishing her and her kids over something small, and it’s not fair for me to leave her stranded. She even went as far as to say I was being petty and holding a grudge against the kids. She thinks I’m overreacting and should just let it go for the sake of family harmony.

My wife is 100% on my side and thinks Sarah’s kids have been out of line for months. But now Sarah’s giving me the cold shoulder and telling other family members that I’m being unreasonable. So, AITAH for refusing to drive them to school anymore?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

fioreborn wrote:

Overall NTA but you only stated that you wouldn't drive them to school? Why the hell haven't you kicked them out?! They are b-llying your son! By ruining his school project they are messing with his grades.

What if that project is the difference between a pass and a fail? They are b-llying him in his own home. Kick them out and anyone who tells you you're being horrible and unfair, ask them when are they taking her in then?

OP responded:

You’re right, I think it is about time someone else takes them on as their burden. I have been doing this for long enough now, and she doesn’t even seem as though she is trying hard to fix her situation.

rowanspride wrote:

YTA. (Accidently put NTA, but corrected it) The bullying is going to get worse for Ethan unless you put an immediate stop to this. You need to protect him. Your sister is allowing her children to do this while you graciously opened your home to them.

Because she is doing nothing her kids are taking it as permission to do so. You took the 1st step. Let her know that there will be consequences for their behavior...if she doesn't parent/ discipline her kids you will.

Why are you putting your sister before your son? You really need to tell your sister to move out. Give her 30/60/90 days, whatever you can work out, to find a place and move out. Though I can see her dragging it out and playing victim of you being so cruel to a single mother. Though honestly 30 DAYS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. Ethan deserves to feel safe in his own home and he isn't.

Eventually the bullying by his cousins will turn physical, like tripping, pushing, slap upside the head and then called joking. Is that what you want for him. To see that its ok to be ab-sed ..because they are family? The part where your sister said it was normal sibling stuff pissed me off. 1) they aren't Ethan's siblings, 2) sibling generally don't do this to their siblings/family.

Also, put a lock for Ethan on his door to protect his possessions and privacy, if he has his own room. It's time you make your son's well-being a priority, this is causing irreparable damage to his self-esteem. This age is going through a lot of physical and emotional changes and such treatment can negatively his emotional development.

Why has your wife not stood up for her son? 100% on your side doesn't mean anything if there is no action. Ethan needs protecting and you both aren't doing it.

P.S.This is how some kid gets on the news for snapping.

OP responded:

You're right, self-esteem and emotional damage is nothing that should be looked over. I’m definitely going to make sure they are out of the house soon.

EmceeSuzy wrote:

I think YTA because you're imposing a penalty that doesn't do anything and doesn't mean anything. Refusing to drive her kids while they still live in the house is going to amp up hostilities.

You need to tell Sarah that she has one week to get out. The end.

OP responded:

You're right, I’m going to have to clear her out ASAP.

CinnamonBlue wrote:

They’ve outstayed their welcome. Good thing is there are other family members who are happy to support them. Get boxes cos they’re packing.

OP responded:

I think you may be right, if they aren’t going to appreciate what I’m doing for them then I don’t think they deserve it.

PrettyPrincess743 wrote:

You’re NTA because you’ve been more than accommodating by allowing Sarah and her kids to live with you and driving them to school for months. The issue isn’t about a small favor; it’s about the constant bullying your son, Ethan, has endured. Sarah’s kids have repeatedly disrespected him, and despite addressing it with her, she dismissed their behavior as “normal.”

When Jake ruined Ethan’s school project, Sarah downplayed it again, showing no regard for your son’s feelings. Refusing to drive them to school is a reasonable boundary after Sarah’s refusal to take responsibility for her kids’ actions. You’re protecting your son and setting limits, which is completely justified.

OP responded:

Exactly, b-llying is not something that should be brushed over, my sister was always a bully to other kids when she was younger so that’s probably why she doesn’t really think much of it.

Bitbatgaming wrote:

NTA, She says for the sake of family harmony when her son and her are implementing discord. Her son needs a serious talking to and parenting, and punishment if applicable.

OP responded:

She has always been a giant hypocrite, and that is the thing about her that pisses me off the most. If my son ever did anything slightly wrong she would tell me in an instant that he needs correcting, but when it comes to her kids, it’s a completely different story.