Woman refuses to babysit husband's kids so that he can go to a bachelor party; 'I'm your wife, not their mom.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to babysit my husbands kids so he can have some time off?"
My 29f husband 34m has three kids from a prior marriage. 11m,7m,6m. They are absolutely terrors, as both of their parents have struggled to agree with parenting and rules.
When I met my husband four years ago, he stated that he isn’t looking for a mom for his kids. His kids have two parents, and he’s looking for a wife for himself. I like kids but I’ve never wanted any of my own.
I was open to the idea of him having kids. Back when we dated, he had the kids on weekends. Things were fine with them. He never expected anything from me regarding the kids. I told him I’m not interested in babysitting, and he said he’d never ask me to. He’ll just hire his niece to babysit if he needs a babysitter.
Long story short, in the last year they’ve moved from weekends to fifty-fifty. Since the kids are old enough to not need their mom as much, this was always the plan. One parent has the kids for a whole week, and other has the kids the next week. Husband lost his job and got a new job that pays less. Niece also went off to college.
Husband can’t afford any of the local babysitters because they charge quite frankly a lot. The kids are terrors so babysitting does not come cheap. Husband is also now making less money.
This weekend was his friend's bachelor party. Husband is a groomsman and was expected to attend. Last minute he asked me to watch the kids for the entire weekend so he can attend this event. He thought it would be no big deal, and I would definitely agree.
I was kind of miffed that he waited to last minute to ask me. I told him that I can’t because I have to go to the gym, and I have brunch plans with my mother. And honestly, I just don’t want to.
Sounds like a good way to ruin an otherwise good weekend. Also, why would I watch the kids so their dad can go get plastered and ogle strippers with his friends? No thank you. Not like it was an emergency or something.
Dan was very upset because he couldn’t go. I brought up the fact that before we got married he told me he wouldn’t expect me to watch the kids ever. He seem surprised because he thought I would’ve changed my mind. I told him I’d watch them if there was an emergency, but otherwise no. I didn’t have kids because I didn’t want the responsibility of them.
I like his kids. I cook for them sometimes. And take them out to do stuff occasionally. I show up to their sports games. But this is for me and the kids. I would say that they all really like me, because I don’t try to meddle and pretend to be their mom.
I’m their dad’s wife that they like. I love Dan but I think he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father. He signed up for this. Having kids means you don’t always get to do the things you want to do. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. He waited until the last minute so there wouldn’t be time to discuss other options that would be more expensive or inconvenient for him.
NTA. If he has the money for the Batchelor party and strippers, he has the money for a sitter.
It's only going to get worse. He won't want to handle the permanent 50/50 parenting load and he'll start to say that if you love him you'll help with his kids. This marriage won't last. Good luck.
NTA. “He seemed surprised because he thought I would’ve changed my mind.” This right here tells me everything I need to know OP. Stick to your boundaries OP. Your husband was trying to pull a fast one on you by waiting until the last minute thinking that his urgency was also your urgency.
Bhahaha this man has 13 more years of children at home. You are in for a long ride.
NTA. But girl really? You really thought this conversation would NEVER happen? You should have seen this coming a mile away.
NTA, you have every right to stick to your boundaries. He promised no babysitting, and now he’s trying to shift the responsibility onto you last minute. His kids, his responsibility. You’re not a backup nanny.
Most co-parents that I know in my circle of friends would have just asked the other parent to switch weeks or let them skip a week or whatever the case may be. You're not the AH.
"... he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father. He signed up for this. Having kids means you don’t always get to do the things you want to do."
He has no room to be upset. This isn't an emergency. No wonder the children are a terror. His priorities are out of order.
Is his name actually Dan? At any rate, I think it's rude and messed up he thought you'd change your mind. This is my fear of getting with men with kids. I don't want my own, why in hell do you think I'd want to help raise yours?? Mind boggling. NTA.
Jesus Christ, those poor kids. Parents are clearly a mess, and their dad marries someone who doesn't like kids. WTF was he thinking? WTF were you thinking? What if their mom died or was incapacitated and you had to take the kids on full time? Why wouldn't you just date childless men if you want to remain childless? Why would you marry someone with kids if you don't want kids?
Why would you want to marry someone whose kids were so unimportant to them that they are willing to marry someone who doesn't like kids? Man, the number of poor decision on display here is staggering. You're N the A in this situation, but YTA for getting into this situation.