'AITA for refusing to vacate the house when my roommate has her friends over?'

"WIBTA for refusing to vacate the house when my roommate has her friends over?"

I (21M) am in college and live in a shared house with two straight couples, totaling three men and two women including me. We're all around college age. One of my roommates (19F) is planning to host her 20th birthday party soon and invite around 20 people; I really have no problem with this, and some of my other roommates have also hosted parties in the past and we've had a good time overall.

However, this time she says that she's planning to have some of her friends sleep over and that "a couple of them are not comfortable with sleeping in the same house with men they don't know."

She wants me and my friend (the other man in the house) to vacate for the night and sleep somewhere else, presumably letting her boyfriend stay. This is over spring break, so she says that we should just go home or stay with friends for the night.

The house is quite big, and our bedrooms are both on the opposite side of the house from hers, though I don't know if she's planning to have her friends sleep in her room or not. I don't want to cause undue conflict but I feel like this is a pretty unreasonable request, WIBTA if I said no?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

No-Perspective2875 wrote:

NTA. Don't even entertain this audacity. Firm No. Context: From a female who belongs to an extremely conservative culture - no one would be so dumb as to ask a roommate to vacate because they (a third person with no rights to the property) are uncomfortable staying over. We would just go home if it's such a big deal. Don't let her pull the culture or gender card on you.

immontes wrote:

Is she planning to let them sleep in your rooms without you knowing? Just a thought. NTA. LOL, suggest a doggie door to keep them away from YOU.

JTBlakeinNYC wrote:

NTA. That’s an absolutely insane request for her to make. If they aren’t comfortable spending the night with the people who actually live there, they shouldn’t spend the night; it’s your home.

CatFacts wrote:

"Unfortunately you have decided to host your party at a home where men live, which means guests will need to decide if they're ok with that and RSVP no if they're not. Literally none of this is my responsibility and I will not be vacating my home."

"Please adjust your expectations accordingly." In writing so no ambiguity. Why can't one of the women only guests host it instead? Why can't they all get an airbnb? Many options. None of them have to involve you. NTA.

hollyjazzy wrote:

NTA, not your problem. Her party, her problem. She can get them Ubers to a hotel if they refuse to sleep in a share house with the other people who live there. Or they can go home, which is not an option for you as THIS IS YOUR HOME!

jacqleen0430 wrote:

I'd be careful if you do say no (and I encourage you to to stop the insanity she's inflicting). However, if any of those "uncomfortable" women get a bug up their butt they could accuse you of some awful things. I'd tell the roommate you're uncomfortable that she's asking strangers to stay in your house.

cressidacole wrote:

It's ridiculous of her to have this expectation. If her friends are uncomfortable with your presence in your home they need to make alternative arrangements, like staying in their own. If you do decide to vacate as per her wishes, lock your room. Their "discomfort" with you being there may not extend to staying out of it.

kurokomainu wrote:

NTA It would have been better if she had asked in a polite way, letting you know that she understands that she doesn't have the right to expect you to do it, but that it would be appreciated if you could; and if you say no, she should take it with good grace for the same reason.

If she acts annoyed and tries to "punish" you with a bad mood or whatever for refusing then she wouldn't be being reasonable. If this happens, I'd tell her that you don't mind her asking, but it's just as much your home as hers and that these kind of things can be requested -- but not demanded. You will be respectful of her in the same way.

RocketteP wrote:

NTA. If she’s asking you to vacate is she going to pay for a hotel room for you? Does she usually make requests like this or is this a first? If there’s time why not have her invite the friends who aren’t comfortable with strangers over to introduce you to them?

Your roommate and her friends requesting this are being unreasonable. Are there any cultural factors driving this? You need to talk to your roommate and try to figure out a way forward. But you are definitely NTA for wanting to stay in your own home.

berzerk_999 wrote:

NTA. It’s completely unreasonable for your roommate to ask you to leave your own home just because some of her friends are uncomfortable. You live there, you pay rent, and you have every right to stay in your own space, especially since your room is on the opposite side of the house. If her friends have concerns, they can book a hotel, stay at someone else’s place, or make other arrangements.

It’s not your responsibility to accommodate guests you didn’t invite, especially at your own inconvenience. You’re not being difficult by refusing to leave. You’re just asserting a very basic right: staying in the home you pay for. If she insists, you can politely remind her that while you’re fine with the party, you’re not okay with being displaced from your own house.

Ohmsway-71 wrote:

NTA. No, you don’t leave your home because a stranger wants to stay there and you might make them uncomfortable. That’s ridiculous.

You should not have been asked even.

“No, I won’t be leaving. You live here with me so you can assure them that I am no threat. If they are not comfortable, they don’t have to stay. I’m not leaving my home.”