'AITA for reminding my mum's best friend of how awful her daughter is when she criticised me?'

"AITA for reminding my mum's best friend of how awful her daughter is when she criticised me?"

My family and I celebrated mother's day last night by hosting a dinner. My mum's best friend (Holly) joined us because they have been close since childhood.

My uncle, aunt, their partners, my cousins and my grandparents were there so it there was around 16 of us, and the older generations know Holly very well. I'm 30, still living with my parents. Holly began to ask when I plan to move out, and I explained my position and the expected timeline.

She laughed, said her daughter (Sophie) purchased a house at 18 while studying and bragged about Sophie's prestigious career (keep in mind, her daughter is in her late 40's and the housing market was very different). She told my mum that she'd be embarrassed if her kids were still at home and implied that I was a failure and that my job is not that good.

Now, Sophie is locked up for a pretty hideous crime. There's been a lot on our local news about the case and she's currently working towards a shortened sentence and placing blame on the victim of her crime, very publicly through her lawyer. Yes, she had an impressive career up until this happened, but there is no way that she will be rehired after she is released.

I looked Holly in the eye and said that while I might not be a [fancy career role] like her daughter and I might still live with my parents, at least I didn't [commit crime]. I told her that I think I know who my mum would prefer to have living under her roof. Holly ended up leaving not long after that, and it was obvious she was in tears.

My grandparents are furious that I had the audacity to say this, and my uncle has sent a few strongly worded messages. My aunt and my mum are keeping silent but my cousins are firmly on my side.

They're all closer to my age and can empathise with my situation, living at home.

TLDR - Mum's bff was rude to me. I reminded her of her own daughter's behaviour.​​​​​​

The internet did not hold back one bit.

kimster2 wrote:

NTA. How can she sit there saying she’d be embarrassed if her kids were still at home when she’s got one in prison? I’d rather live at home than in prison tbh 😂 Good on you for sticking up for yourself and shame on your grandparents and uncle for reacting the way they have.

What were you supposed to do? Roll over and let her speak to you like that? Out of curiosity, what was the charge?

OP responded:

I'd love to air the dirty laundry but it's pretty specific. I will mention that the victim is deceased. If I got into it any further then it would be a bit too identifying, but trust me that the details are horrendous.

sassquatch2 wrote:

NTA. Holly came for you unprovoked and tried to humiliate you in front of your entire family. You just reminded her that having a fancy career and buying a house young doesn’t mean much when you’re also capable of committing serious crimes. Yeah, it was a low blow, but she threw the first punch. Maybe next time she’ll think twice before tearing someone down to feel better about herself.

JimShoeVillageIdiot wrote:

If this continues, or even escalates, make sure Holly is repeatedly reminded when visiting hours are at the prison.

OP responded:

Haha ouch, wish I used that one!

International-Fee255 wrote:

NTA. Sounds like Holly is living in an Instagram version of her real life. You are an adult and even if you still live at home, you are Holly's equal. If she chooses to belittle you, you are entitled to stick up for yourself. Sounds like her daughter isn't the prize Holly paints her to be.

Carrotofinsanity wrote:

You remind your grandparents that NO ONE at the table stood up for you to Holly when she continued to insult and berate you and compare you to her crime-committing jailed daughter. Because No one told Holly “Enough!”

And stopped her from continuing to harass you, YOU had to stand up for yourself. It’s quite the shame that grandparents wouldn’t stand up for their granddaughter when she’s being harassed. Then you tell them you expect an apology from them. Have nothing to say to those who didn’t stand up for you.

Tryingtodoitright48 wrote:

NTA! I love your spicy response! You who live at home vs a victim blaming criminal who can't even visit her mom's home nonetheless live there right now because she's in JAIL. Like it's a contest. She thought she could smugly get away with her comment and I'm so glad that you didn't let her!

PomegranateOk6767 wrote:

Your mom has been silent because she agrees that her friend was out of line. Your aunt has been silent because your mom's friend has absolutely made sh#$ty comments before and your mom has confided in her each and every single one. If your mom agreed with her friend or was upset with you, you'd have heard an earful by now. NTA.

Low-Law602 wrote:

Absolutely NTA for standing up for yourself. Since no one else did. It’s none of her business where you live; that’s between you and your parents, and if the arrangement works, that’s what matters. Not only is it none of her business, it’s extremely rude for her to comment about it at all. You gave her a lesson in the reason why people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

hedwigflysagain wrote:

NTA, why did no one step up for you? This woman was insulting you at your mother's dinner. It is good you have a shiny spine because your older family members are rug sweepers. Just ignore them. They will get over it.

Because they don't like confertation at heart and put the ones sending messages on a time out or ask them why are they ok with her insulting you at you mothers dinner? That was an insult to your mother, too.
But this makes it worse. Why didn't mom shut her down?