'AITA for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITAH for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?"

I've been involved in an affair. Actually, my girlfriend/partner has been having an affair with me for the last 4 months. I won't go into detail, but I feel horrible and disgusted. I've always hated cheating, and I never want anything good to come to cheaters. But now, I've gotten mixed up in it, and it's eating me alive.

So, 4 months ago, I met this woman (she is 29) at my gym, and we pretty much connected instantly. Over the course of 4 months, we became a couple, went on many dates, and slept together plenty of times. I was a virgin before I met her. I never had a girlfriend, and I really felt that life finally kicked in for me, and that things would get better.

I'm 24, and before I met her, I always felt like a reject and a weirdo because of my lack of success in dating and relationships. The other day, by chance, I found out she has a husband, and I wanted to bury myself on the spot. I felt so bad, I can't put it into words. She wanted to hook up after we had a date, but I lied and told her that I couldn't do it that day because I had something planned.

I came home, and I was ashamed of myself. I managed to find her husband on social media, and I've been going back and forth on wanting and how to reveal everything. I saved all our chats, pictures, and I even have some receipts from our dinners.

I talked to my mom about it, and she told me that since I managed to find him and since I have evidence, I should inform him. My mom told me that he deserves to know, and if it were up to her, she would've revealed everything, but she told me that it's my decision to make. I feel like this woman played both me and her husband, and now I hate myself.

What do you think he should do? AITA if he tells the woman's husband the truth?

This is what top commenters had to say:

ArsenalSeven said:

Get tested for STDs you have no idea how many partners she’s had. If it were me, I would tell him.

mca2021 said:

NTA. You're not a cheater so don't feel bad about it. You were fooled, just like her husband's being fooled. Now if you continue, then that's a different story. Let the husband know, it's the decent thing to do then block her everywhere and perhaps change gyms

FAFO-13 said:

Go for it. Cheaters are garbage.

mercer2003 said:

My ex wife cheated on me. Woulda loved a message from the dude instead of finding them in bed.

scotttgreeen said:

I was once caught up in a situation like this. I never said anything yet he after I cut contact he stalked me. He lives not far from me and I still see him and his wife happy yet I live with the guilt and shame. My advice is to tell. Screw these cheaters.

19LaMaDaS91 said:

Cheaters deserve to be exposed and her husband deserve to know! Do the right thing brother! NTA

Commenters agree: NTA. And most are urging him to tell the husband the truth (and get tested).

Looks like OP took everyone's advice (not sure about the tested part). He later shared this major update:

Short and straight to the point. I used a fake and anonymous account to send him details and some pictures. I also told him that I have more evidence that I would like to share. He didn't respond until yesterday, where he said that he wants to know more. Today, I sent him everything and explained everything in detail.

Turns out, he already suspected her of cheating, he just didn't have any proof. He wasn't angry or sad. He was just disappointed, a lot. He also thought I would be older. He said that he doesn't blame me, it wasn't my fault. He told me that he owes me big time because he wanted to hire somebody to find out if she was actually cheating, so I actually saved him both time and money.

After I explained everything, he was mostly relieved and thanked me for helping him and asked if there is something he could do to repay me. I said that he should help somebody else, and that will make us even. He thanked me, told me that I'm a good guy, and that was mostly it. He will file for divorce, in case anybody is wondering.

I haven't heard from my AP for a few days now, and I'm pretty sure he didn't tell her where he got all the proof from because she didn't call and yell at me. I blocked her on everything anyway after my talk with her husband, and it's time to move forward. Sh!tty experience from a first relationship but what can you do.

Kudos to OP on doing the right thing even if it wasn't easy. Onward and upwards, my dude!