'AITA for saying my brother shouldn’t have brought his pregnant GF to my wedding?'

"AITAH for saying my brother shouldn’t have brought his pregnant gf to my wedding and for refusing to let my her be in my wedding photos?"

I got married last weekend. I’m still so pissed off at what my brother did. He took all of the attention off of me and my husband. Normally, I don’t feel the need to be the center of attention, but this was my freaking wedding day! I feel like it’s all anyone was talking about during the wedding and now it’s like the main thing any of them even remember from the entire thing.

It was a destination wedding within the US, so nothing crazy. We kept the guest list to our families (immediate and extended), as well as closest friends. My parents paid for our immediate family to arrive about 5 days ahead of time. So, it was my parents, my sister, and I initially, and my brother arriving a few days later.

We knew my brother was bringing a date. No big deal. He said he was just bringing a girl from school. He didn’t even call her his girlfriend officially. My parents showed up at the airport to pick my brother up and there he was, hand in hand with an obviously pregnant girl that none of us have ever met.

My parents were obviously taken aback. My brother greeted them like everything was normal, according to my mom, and my parents didn’t really know what to do or say. Then he just said “Surprise!” My poor mom almost fainted and claims my dad yelled out “WTF have you done?”

He introduces us to this girl, but doesn’t clarify if she’s his girlfriend and doesn’t give us much info at all really. It was very weird. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable. She’s said she wasn’t feeling well and needed to go lay down after the flight. So, at dinner it was just our family as she was resting.

We were all awkwardly sitting around the table eating dinner, barely saying a word. My mom finally says “(brother’s name), is that your baby?” By then we all assumed it was, but my mom needed confirmation. The lack of any real explanation or details from him up until then was just odd. He admitted it’s technically not his baby, but he’s in love with her and intends on being a father to the baby anyway.

The actual father isn’t involved and doesn’t want to be, and if they get married then he can adopt the baby so he’ll legally be the father. She’s living with him and none of us knew this either. He’s been her main support person throughout the entire thing (she’s 28 weeks, well 29 now since this was over a week ago). I think this was worse than what we had all assumed.

So in love with her that he’s going to take on the responsibility of her child AND marry her, yet we’ve never even heard of her? He said he has mentioned her quite a few times. Well, maybe he’s mentioned her name in passing (not to me, maybe to my parents), but never said she was his girlfriend or pregnant. None of us understand.

He’s 21, about to graduate college, planning to enter law school next, and he’s an attractive guy. Why would he do this? My parents, especially my mom, were stressing out about it all weekend long throughout my entire wedding weekend. It was like my wedding became an after thought. All my parents could talk about was how to make my brother change his mind about this girl.

Then, when the wedding photographer was taking family pictures, he wanted her in them! That’s was really the breaking point for me. She isn’t family. None of us knew about their relationship, and we met her 2 days prior. She shouldn’t be in our official family pictures from my wedding. It’s like forget the bride and groom, look at random heavily woman hitching herself to my brother.

No, I told him no. I refused to let her be in the photos. My mom made me allow her to be in one picture, but said we don’t have to buy that one or put it in display anywhere. It just made my blood boil! Anyway, I don’t think he should have brought her. There was no reason to bring her to my wedding, especially without warning.

I mean, it’s all my side of the family could talk about and he was reticent to even correct them about it not being his baby. He said that’s because it was awkward for her to have to explain the full scenario to everyone, so he just let people think what they wanted. Because he wouldn’t at least say something, everyone was gossiping and wondering about it the whole time.

I’m posting this because I’m upset that several friends and even my own mom are telling me I’m overreacting and just need to accept it. When I told a group of my co-workers about it after the fact (they weren’t at the wedding), they agreed with me and thought what my brother did was absolutely insane and rude.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Jacintaleishman wrote:

I think he knew in a wedding setting that attention would be divided, your wedding was his meat shield.

OP responded:

Interesting take and something I hadn’t thought of. He was purposely trying to take attention away from me and my wedding, he just wanted some of the attention taken off of him and his poor decisions? Still selfish.

Rinnme wrote:

NTA. What he did was an AH move, though he probably didn't think it through enough to realize all the implications of his actions.

He absolutely shouldn't have dropped that bomb at your wedding or any wedding.

OP responded:

I don’t think he did it to be malicious. I don’t think he thought about what he was doing to me. He also hasn’t apologized though. If after being told something you did was rude and hurtful, at least own up to it.

Far_Possession9494 wrote:

NTA! It's your wedding, and you deserve to have the focus be on you and your partner. Your brother blindsiding the family with his relationship and not clarifying anything before the wedding was inconsiderate.

It's understandable that you wouldn't want someone in your wedding photos that you barely know and who wasn't even part of the planning. He should have communicated better, and your feelings are valid. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for wanting your day to be about you!

Filmpuzzleheaded1493 wrote:

I mean, plot twist of the year right here. your wedding had more drama than a Netflix series. Maybe they should've sent a spoiler alert first!

OP responded:

I don’t think I would have been so upset about her presence if we had just known ahead of time. He had months to tell us what was going on. There’s no reason he had to spring it on us and our entire family at my wedding.

Saleupstais542 wrote:

YTA. I get that it was your wedding day, but this is a big life event for your brother, too. He's bringing someone important to him, and the fact that it was unexpected doesn't take away from your special day. His relationship is clearly something he wants to include in his life, and by refusing her in the family photos, you made it about you instead of supporting your brother and his choices.

The whole situation sounds awkward, but your wedding day isn't just about you—it’s about family. Maybe it's time to take a step back and think about how this impacts your relationship with your brother in the long run.

angelick92 wrote:

He knew exactly what he was doing, such an ah move on his part. What did he think would happen? He couldn't let you have the attention on your wedding day? Is he THAT spoiled? NTA.

OP responded:

He’s the youngest child. He definitely gets away with more than my sister and I ever could. Anything he does usually gets forgiven.