'AITA for setting boundaries with my wife's best friend? She keeps hitting on me in front of my wife.'

"WIBTA for setting boundaries with my wife's best friend who keeps hitting on me in front of my wife?"

I'm a 33-year-old man, and I've been married to my wife for 6 years. For the past 2 years, my wife's best friend has been hitting on me, but only when my wife is around. It started off as occasional flirty comments, but it's gotten more frequent and more intense. For example, she'll say things like, "If only I had met you first," or "You know, you look really hot in that shirt."

She even once jokingly sat on my lap during a group gathering and said, "I hope your wife doesn't mind if I steal you for a moment." Both my wife and her friend seem to think it's hilarious. They laugh about it together, and my wife has even told me, "Don't flatter yourself; she doesn't want to sleep with you."

Despite their assurances that it's all in good fun, I find it really uncomfortable and disrespectful. I've tried to talk to my wife about how this makes me feel, but she just brushes it off, saying it's just a joke and that I shouldn't take it seriously. I don't find it funny at all, and it's starting to affect how I feel in social situations with them.

I'm at a point where I feel like I need to set some boundaries with her friend directly to make it clear that her behavior is not acceptable to me. However, I’m worried this might cause tension, especially since my wife thinks I’m overreacting. So, WIBTA if I took it upon myself to set these boundaries with my wife's best friend, even though my wife thinks it's all just a joke?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

aimeexsteph wrote:

NTA. This behavior isn’t normal, and I think your wife might know deep down that her friend is just naturally flirty and that nothing serious will come of it. It’s probably uncomfortable for her, but she might be avoiding making things awkward for you or her friend.

Your wife’s trust in you is a positive thing, but if this situation is making you uncomfortable, you need to address it directly. Clearly tell her friend to stop with the flirty comments, as it’s disrespectful. If this upsets your wife, ask her why it affects her so much. Does she enjoy seeing someone flirt with you? It’s strange how strongly she defends this behavior.

NOSOUP_4U wrote:

For f’s sake NTA. I have experience with this one, a friend of my wife’s came over to our house shortly after separating from her husband. She hit on me in a less subtle way, offering me a BJ right in front of my wife (completely sober, hadn’t had a single drink yet at that point).

Later I complained to my wife about it and she said her friend wasn’t serious but I said if I said that to her friend instead, it would be labeled s-xual harassment and “it was a joke” wouldn’t fly as an excuse. I’d suggest telling your wife that she needs to tell her friend to cut it out, and if she doesn’t, then you will (respectfully, of course).

Apart_Ad_6518 wrote:

NTA.

"Despite their assurances that it's all in good fun, I find it really uncomfortable and disrespectful."

Your wife needs to listen up here. Right now.

Your space is being invaded, you're being harassed & you're being subjected to unwanted & inappropriate comments.

"She even once jokingly sat on my lap during a group gathering."

That's s**ual harrassment. It is not okay. I'm sorry to say it but if your wife doesn't support you here you probably need to have a serious rethink. Maybe asking her how she'd feel if the situation was reversed would be a good starting point for the discussion.

DilithiumCrystalMth wrote:

NTA, time to play one of the internet's favorite games "swap the genders"! Would this behavior be considered ok if you were a woman and she was a man? No? Then it isn't appropriate here either. If she does it again you need to firmly tell her to knock it off. If your wife takes issue with this, ask her why harassment is funny and feel free to play the "swap the genders" game with her.

BakerLovePie wrote:

My wife and I had something similar very early in the relationship. Her friend was going through a nasty divorce with an ab-sive a-hole and I think she saw our relationship and wanted something like that. In social settings she'd hit on me or flirt with me right in front of everyone and they'd laugh it off because she was, "just joking don't take it seriously."

So new relationship, new friend group I don't want to make things weird but I'm not comfortable with the situation. So finally at a dinner party at our place she does it again but this time with some grinding in the kitchen telling me what she wants to do to my body.

Everyone thinks it's funny so I just said, "okay let's go the bedroom's over here". I took her hand and started leading her. I told my then gf (now wife) I'm going to go screw your friend see you in a few hours and suddenly it wasn't funny anymore.

She stopped giggling and following me to the bedroom. The laughs from the friend group stopped and nobody had a whole lot to say. So I just said something like, "Isn't this what you wanted? What's the problem? Were you just leading me on? Am I a joke to you?"

Not saying I remember those exact words but it was something like that. The party ended and my gf and I had a long talk but it took that scene for her to get it. Her friend has always been flirty and she hit on all their bf's or gf's.

They were numb to it. "It's just how she is" as if that's okay. So OP I'm not saying you should do this but the talky-talk didn't work for me but that stunt did. It may have been a different dynamic if I was a male and maybe it's more acceptable when it's a female on female but gender shouldn't matter when it comes to consent.