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'AITA for siding with my sister for refusing to name her son after her husband?'

'AITA for siding with my sister for refusing to name her son after her husband?'

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Naming a child can bring out some big feelings between parents, not all of them positive.

"AITA for siding with my sister for refusing to name her son after her husband?"

So my sister (23F) is pregnant with her first child with her husband, my brother in law (23M). They recently found out they’re having a boy and everyone including me (21F) are very happy.

However they’ve had a big fight recently because - my BIL wanted the son to be named after him - I don’t know if they meant literally just his name, if they’re planning to add a Jr, or have it be an inspired nickname, but the point is he wants the boy to be named after him.

My sister blatantly and completely refused to even consider it, and both families have gotten involved - my parents initially thought they should reach a compromise and so did his.

However they changed opinions when she explained her reasoning - she said that she thinks that after she’s going to carry a boy for nine months and go through all the pain and exhaustion of pregnancy she thinks it’s insulting that he should be honoured by naming a child after him when he didn’t do all the work.

She also said she thinks that naming a child after their parents strips them of their identity and makes them seem like property too so she would never do it regardless, so once again the family suggested a compromise maybe a reference to him or a name he liked, etc.

But she just doubled down that she would never consider naming a child she laboured for over her husband who “does nothing but gets the snacks” in any respect. Now I agreed with her completely and thought her logic made sense but both parents are very offended by her and say she has no respect for her husband.

Her husband tried to talk to me personally and was furious and told me I was enabling her “cold mentality” when I said I supported her.

So AITA for supporting my sister’s reasoning for not naming her son after her husband?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

GenXBaby2 wrote:

ESH. This is between the parents of the yet to be born child, both of whom have terrible attitudes. The rest of you need to back off and tell them they need to start acting like grown-ups and sort out their own issues, regardless of whether they are mature enough.

starbiebarbie99 wrote:

NTA - Names are a two yes one no situation. Both parents need to agree, and you sister doesn't agree, so husband's name is off the list. End of story. If this was so important to him then he needed to let your sister know about his requirements ahead of time (as in pre-pregnancy, and frankly pre-marrige) so that she could realize he isn't the type of man she wants to raise a child with.

OKPlay_2364 wrote:

Stupid tradition. Sister is right. Kids need their own identity. She is in luck though, if hospital staff still do things the way they did when I had mine. My husband wasn't in the room when they came to ask what we wanted to name him. Fortunately, we HAD agreed on the name.

Scallopini5 wrote:

My father in law named my husband the same as him and what a mess. We always got the wrong credit report and anything else they could screw up. Not to mention the poor guy couldn't even be called his own name if his father was around. It's all just vanity anyways.

curiouscoop0530 wrote:

NTA. I actually agree with sis even though her delivery was pretty harsh. the discussion needs to be between the actual parents (your sis and her husband) and hopefully they find a compromise.

If they can’t over something as simple as this, what are they going to do when it comes to actually agreeing how to even raise the child?? It’s really no one else’s business but theirs and outside opinions shouldn’t matter.

TheFilthyDIL wrote:

You are NTA. Your sister is right. Every child deserves their own name. Name a child "John Edward Smith, Jr" after his father and he will forever be Johnnie, or JE, or Junior, or (Goddess forbid! Junie. Or some other equally stupid nickname, like Spud or Bubba. In the family, he'll forever be less than his father.

And by the time his father dies, they'll be so used to calling him Johnnie/Junior/Spud that nobody can change to John.

QuesoDelDiablos wrote:

I don’t blame her for not wanting to name the child after her husband. But if she thinks so derisively of the man as just the guy who gets snacks, he done knocked up the wrong woman and they’re going to have a very bad marriage.

hummingelephant responded:

He only has himself to blame. If you try to force people to honour you, you put a spotlight on yourself as to why you deserve it. He is the one bringing it on himself. I'm pretty sure she thought about it after him becoming problematic. The only problem with pregnant women is, that they can't just leave as easily as big changes in that stage is difficult.

LLTolkien wrote:

NTA. I see some people need more reading comprehension, as both the sister and her husband actively contacted OP for her opinion on the name. They asked, you answered.

Your sister's delivery was harsh, but I mean, women routinely die in childbirth or face permanent injuries (right now, this woman, Brie — Brie & Beau on IG — has become a four-limb amputee following sepsis and DIC from an emergency C-section), so I'm confused why she's being asked to compromise to make the BIL happy.

I mean at this point, the main contribution from OP's BIL has been one tuff piece of sperm and the snacks. I don't that rises to the level of a child bearing his first (and most likely last name) for eternity. Also LMAO, if OP's sister feels that strongly about things, I'm confused as to why this is even a surprise for the BIL. She sounds like she doesn't play, so why is he focused on these nonsense name games?

Sources: Reddit
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