'AITA for snapping at my husband in front of his family? I revealed he hasn't helped me like he claims.'
"AITA for snapping at my husband in front of his family, and revealing that he hasn't help me like he claims?"
Hi everyone, for my whole life, I (30F) have had a lot of anxiety when it comes to driving. It has never been too much of a problem, as I live in a city and I can walk wherever I need to go I have been married to my husband, "Stan" (32M) for three years, together for six.
Throughout our relationship, he has tried to help me learn how to drive. The problem is, Stan is not a very good teacher amd gets very impatient, and angry everytime we try. We go to the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse sometimes, it's huge. Anyway, if I make one small mistake, for example, if i don't check my mirrors for a long enough time. Stan yells at me.
I would already BE nervous at the wheel, but with all the yelling, it would cause me to break down and cry. I have a brother, Paul (33M) who I hang out with typically once a week. A few months ago, I was talking to Paul about how I want to learn how to drive, but I'm very nervous about it. He offered to help teach me when we hang out.
Paul's husband, Chris also was willing to help me out, and they actually made me feel so much more at ease behind the wheel. I thought I was bad at driving, but it turns out, I was just anxious. Another factor that made me want to learn besides feeling like I need to do this, is that Stan has told me that he won't have a child with me until I get my license, which I definitely understand.
Two weeks ago, on my day off from work, Paul and Chris took me to the DMV and I finally got my license!! I also bought a used car a few days ago from money that I've been saving up for years. I'm so happy and I have has the support from my brother and his husband.
I thought Stan would be mad that I did all of this behind his back. And he was somewhat disappointed that I didn't want his help. I love him so much, but honestly he wasn't the right teacher for me. Anyway, on Sunday, Stan and I both had off from work and he told me he had a surprise for me.
He took me to his parents house, where they had a celebration for me, basically like a little party congratulating me because I learned how to drive. Halfway through, my mother in law was giving a speech about how proud she was of me, but also proud of my husband, for all of the support and lessons he was giving me.
I could feel the anger rising in my chest. Stan had been telling everyone that HE was the one who has been teaching me to drive. I snapped and told everyone, basically that the fee times Stan tried to teach me, I always ended up crying because he would yell at me until he was blue in the face.
That the ONLY people who helped me and gave me confidence were Paul and Chris. And that, if anything... Stan made things worse for me. Which was true. But now, Stan won't talk to me. My MIL, FIL and SIL are on my side, but my two BILs and a couple of cousins are on Stan's side. I kind of DO feel like an AH. But at the same time, everything i said was true. AITA?
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
Own_Lack_4526 wrote:
NTA, but are you absolutely sure this is the person you want to have a child with? If he can't muster the patience to teach you how to do something, what is he going to be like with a 2 year old?
sunnydays0306 wrote:
Parent tip: raising a child is much more frustrating, temper inducing, sanity questioning of a job than teaching a grown adult to drive. He’s shown you what happens in a situation he doesn’t quite understand and lost patience in. I think some work needs to be done before the baby talk too. NTA.
Peony-Pony wrote:
NTA. You can't go wrong telling the truth. If your husband is embarrassed, he shouldn't have embellished the story and try to take credit for something he had nothing to do with at all.
"Halfway through, my mother in law was giving a speech about how proud she was of me, but also proud of my husband, for all of thr support and lessons he was giving me. I could feel the anger rising in my chest. Stan had been telling everyone that HE was the one who has been teaching me to drive."
"I snapped and told everyone, basically that the few times Stan tried to teach me, I always ended up crying because he would yell at me until he was blue in the face. That the ONLY people who helped me and gave me confidence were Paul and Chris. And that, if anything... Stan made things worse for me. Which was true."
You were right to correct the record and you're absolutely spot on with you said the right teacher makes all the difference. Congratulations!
Tarik861 wrote:
NTA.
Please don't have a child with this person. Anyone who puts conditions on having a child with you (i.e. "not until you get your license") doesn't see you as a life partner, they see you as a brood mare.
Don't get stuck with a baby from this joker, he will eventually bail on you and you will. be a single parent. At the very least, get counseling. Preferably with Stan, who sounds like he would be an absolute sh*t as a parent if he doesn't have any more patience than that.
Ok-Writing9280 wrote:
Take that drivers license and your new car and use it to drive away from him. He cannot regulate his emotions, he lies to his family about his actions, he yells at someone who is learning and extremely nervous for not knowing exactly what to do.
This is not someone to have babies with. Is he going to yell at them because they can’t communicate the way he wants? Will he throw a bigger tantrum than your toddler? Is he going to be a decent active parent? Or are you supposed to do it all as a grown woman who ‘should’ do it. NTA.
ingoogliestbastard wrote:
NTA, but also: "Another factor that made me want to learn besides feeling like I need to do this, is that Stan has told me that he won't have a child with me until I get my license, which I definitely understand." I had the same deal with my husband, and when i got my license he moved the goal posts. so just be aware of that.
Cascadia1979 wrote:
NTA. I can see how you might feel like you were, but truly, you are not. You spoke the truth. You did so in a reasonable way. While the truth can hurt, merely saying the truth is not an asshole thing to do. Stan is the AH here who was not respecting you when teaching you to drive and was an even bigger AH when taking credit for it.