I (21f) live with my grandparents. They own a lot of land and a lot of animals. My grandparents also have multiple working cats. These cats have many important roles on the farm and we take excellent care of them- they're vaccinated, chipped, well-fed, have shelter, and get medical attention when needed, but they ARE NOT house pets.
They’re not used to being overly pampered. We also welcomed a new edition to the family- Lucy, a scrappy, older feral cat. She’s one of the only cats we’ve gotten as an older kitty and while she’s still not super into human contact, she’s made ‘friends’ with some other cats and is thriving.
Recently, my friend Jane (22F) came to visit. She’s a huge animal lover. The moment she arrived, she was super excited to see all the animals on the farm (this is her first time visiting since I moved). She loved all the animals, but when we got to the barn cats, things got a little weird.
She immediately tried to approach them, calling them over like she would with a house cat. Most of our barn cats just ignored her (they’re busy doing their own thing), but Lucy (the feral cat) was nearby. Jane spotted her and got really excited, saying how cute Lucy was and how she must need extra love because she 'looks rough'.
I told Jane that Lucy’s a feral cat who’s adjusted well to life on the farm but isn’t comfortable with people getting too close. I explained that Lucy’s thriving in her own way. Jane didn’t seem convinced and said something like ‘isn’t it sad that she’s not loved on? She looks like she needs it’.
I explained again that love for a working cat doesn’t mean constant physical affection. The cats are happy and safe, which is what matters most. Jane still seemed uncomfortable and kept bringing it up throughout her visit, saying we ‘try harder’ to socialise Lucy. At one point, Jane got a frustrated and said ‘I just don’t get why you wouldn’t want her to feel like a pet. It’s like you’re giving up on her.’
That really upset me and I said that we’ve done a lot to help Lucy feel safe and cared for. Jane responded ‘it just seems cruel that you wouldn't let the cats into the house at night, either. I would never let my cats stay out at night'. I explained that that's when the cats do the most work at night and they have heated pads and hay to sleep on, as well as food and water.
She didn't seem convinced. I told her bluntly that she doesn’t understand what it takes to care for working animals, and her insistence on treating them like house pets was disrespectful. Jane got quiet after that and didn’t say much for the rest of the visit. Later she texted me saying she felt upset. She said she was just trying to help and thought I was being defensive.
I understand that animal welfare is super important to a lot of people and I can understand why Jane would have concerns initially, but she seems dead-set on undermining my experience with working cats.
AITA for snapping at her?
Puzzled_Profit6406 wrote:
NTA. She doesn't even know what she's talking about. Stray cats can be, in some cases, made into pets, because they are used to, and want to, socialize with humans.
Feral cats simply don't. If you take them into a house, they will feel trapped, stressed and can be a danger to humans and to themselves (often, feral cats are so stressed out and nervous in a closed environment that they will kill themselves trying to escape).
And you have to respect that. The best option for those cats is, precisely, live as barn cats. They will have food, shelter, veterinary care and enough freedom to feel ok and thrive. And they will help the farm to get rid of pest. Barn cats are not pets, and most of them wouldn't feel fine as one. If cats are not socialized since they are little kittens is very difficult for them to trust humans and being near us.
I take care of a TNR colony established in my garden. Some of them are so used to me by now that they come when they see me and most of the time, they allow me to pet them and still they feel terrified if sometimes I take them inside the house. Some of them don't run away from me, but they don't allow me to touch them most of the time.
Some others simply run away if I come too close to them. Cats are not born socialized. They are not born pets. You have to work hard to make pets of them by socializing them, and sometimes even that won't work.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the award! My first one ever!
OP responded:
Thank you! My grandparents have only had 3 truly feral cats in their 30+ years of owning a farm (Lucy being their 3rd). The barn cats know their names (and sometimes come when called), they recognise me and my grandparents and some older cats will rub against you as a sign of affection. They know they're loved and respected.
On top of that, we have retired barn cats who now live inside with us (while others stay in the barn). They're still not super sociable but again, they're cats...if they hated their living conditions, they'd leave. Cats are famous for that. We take extra care to ensure all the cats' needs are met.
Preference_Afraid wrote:
NTA living rural is a huge culture shift from town and city perspectives towards animals. A lot of people who haven't experienced the need for working animals don't understand it and struggle to even try to.
OP responded:
Thank you! It was a shift for me too! I moved from a big city (with my strictly indoor cat) and was shocked to see that no one in my village has indoor cats. They all just leave and explore the forests and fields and return at night. It was a culture shock, and I don't blame anyone for being surprised at first but I would NEVER go to my neighbours and insist they keep their animals inside.
BigWhiteDog wrote:
Wait until she meets working Livestock Guardian Dogs! 🤣
OP responded:
Well we have those too 😭
SavingsRhubarb8746 wrote:
NTA. If she'd actually listened to you the first few times you tried to explain the role and care for working farm cats, I would have voted differently. But you tried hard to make her see that cats that aren't pets can have good lives, and some cats - like your feral Lucy - can never adjust to human contact and living as a house pet.
But can have long and happy lives on a farm doing what comes naturally (except of course for the addition of v-ccinations, vet care in case of illness or accidents, and supplementary food and water should the natural supply be lacking).
Few people these days are familiar with farm or rural life, and naturally they know little about it. If they won't listen to explanations, yes, they're going to get snapped at.