Me (21F) and my brother (19M) used to live with my father (56M) and up to recently, with his girlfriend (48F). My parents divorced right after my brother was born, and my mother left for another country right after with us. When I was about go into 6th grade, my mother decided to send me and my brother back to study in our home country and live with our father.
My dad went out on dates sometimes and my brother and I supported him in his decision to open up to meet new people. then he met a woman we’ll call Sarah, who became his girlfriend and moved in with us. She was nice to me and cordial enough to have a nice relationship.
This started right when I moved out for college, because as soon as I left their house, my brother and dad would call me once a month to check up on me, until one day in one of those calls I heard screaming and objects breaking in the background.
My dad wasn’t in the frame and it was only my brother. When I asked him what was happening, Sarah came bursting into his room and grabbed his phone.
This freaked me out, and I made plans to go back as soon as I could. When I arrived, I called my father that I came to surprise him and spend the weekend with them (as an excuse). He immediately responded with “I think you should go back.” I was shocked and asked him the reason, then he said they ‘were fine’ and hung up.
This made me even more scared so I went directly to their house and Sarah answered the door. I explained that I was there to see my brother and father, which she simply said they “were fine and I should come back another time."
Then I made an excuse that I also came because I forgot something when I left. Before she could protest, I made my way inside and I saw my father reading in the living room. I asked him where my brother was and he immediately told me to get out, followed by Sarah also telling me the same thing.
I went upstairs and knocked on my brothers’ room and I opened it. My brother dashed out and hugged me. His room was empty, only a bed and a small bedside table, nothing like when we used to live together. I asked where his stuff was to which Sarah said she “threw them out to ‘purify’ his soul so he would not become corrupted like his sister (me).”
I was appalled by this and looked at my father to see if she was serious, but turns out he also agreed. At that moment, my dad tried to take him away from me and that’s when I left that house with him. Now he lives with me and my roommate. My brother says he is much happier here and has started applying to colleges around this area so he can stay with me.
I’m telling my mother next Friday what happened since she’s coming to visit me. But some part of me is feeling like I did something wrong, mostly when my father keeps texting me and calling me saying how “I’m breaking this family” and “I’m hurting my brother.” Did I overreact? Should I talk to my dad and his gf?
EiraForever wrote:
That is cult-ish behavior, lol. Why is she talking about purifying your soul?
OP responded:
I am a trans woman. I transitioned way before she ever entered the picture. She’s a 'ultra-conservative', or at least that’s the what she calls herself.
disclosing-nina--1876 wrote:
Could you first explain why you think you overreacted? Is it just because the ab-ser is telling you that you did? Because what do you expect him to say?
NTA.
OP responded:
I just feel terrible. My dad has always been my pillar and my advisor whenever I got in trouble. So to hear and see those words coming from him truly makes me feel conflicted.
NeeliSilverLeaf wrote:
NTA. Your brother is a legal adult. It sounds like they were holding him with some sort of force or coercion. Talk to your mom and see if it's something your brother should talk to the p-lice about. Keep the messages from your father and don't block him in case your brother needs them as evidence.
Such-Block9436 wrote:
NAH, you’re not TA at all. You literally saved your brother from a toxic situation. Your dad and Sarah sound mad controlling, and throwing out his stuff? That’s crazy. You did what any good sibling would do, and your brother’s happier now. Let your dad guilt trip all he wants—your bro deserves peace.
Prettyhhoney wrote:
NTA. You did what any big sis would do when her brother's in danger. Your dad and his gf are straight-up toxic for what they did. Your brother is happier with you, and that's all that matters. Don’t feel guilty for protecting him. You’re not breaking anything, you’re helping him. Keep doing you.
Perfect_Surprise_942 wrote:
NTA. What Sarah did to your brother is absolutely unacceptable, and your dad enabling that behavior is even worse. You stepped in to protect your brother when you saw he was in a toxic environment. He is happier now, and it sounds like you're giving him the support and care he needs.
Your father’s manipulation of the situation is troubling, and his guilt-tripping you into thinking you’ve broken the family is not fair. It’s not about "breaking the family"—it’s about protecting your brother’s well-being. You did the right thing, and your dad needs to understand that.
Alienz_Cat wrote:
NTA. Since your brother is an adult, there is nothing your dad or Sarah can do. He can choose to live where he wants. Is your brother bi, gay or trans? Did he try to discuss this with them? Maybe that was a trigger for Sarah’s religious voodoo? Or maybe she made a nasty comment and he stuck up for you?
You are a great sister and if my kids were in that situation I’d be thrilled as a parent to know you stepped up. I’d also be thrilled to have you as a daughter. Hopefully your dad will come to his senses. But I’m the meantime, you owe them nothing.