'AITA for talking to a girl my friend has liked for years but never made a move on?'

"AITA for talking to a girl my friend has liked for years but never made a move?"

I have 3 roommates (all Male), and then myself (M). We have a friend group in college with 6 girls who we have known for the past year. 3 are in relationships and one is a lesbian. Out of the two available girls (we are all straight) there is one girl, who my other roommate has liked for over a year, almost since we meet.

We all have encouraged him to reach out to her, talk to her one on one, and try to make any sort of a move. He’s extremely resistant and commonly says “love will find its way” but has also stated he would be upset if any of us tried anything with her. I always have liked her, but I decided that this was his opportunity and he always made it clear that he liked her.

However, one of our other roommates leaked that he liked her and she now knows. She hasn’t made a move on him, and it’s pretty clear doesn’t like him. Now a year later, I feel that she likes me more, has given some hints, and indicated somewhat I’m more her type.

AITA and am I breaking bro code if I try to talk with her more and peruse something. I don’t want beef with my roommate but at the same time I feel like he’s had his turn, and hasn’t done anything with it?

Internet commenters were deeply invested

StarrySkyMeli wrote:

No, wouldn't be TA imo. Afterall, he's not doing anything about it. I don't know what he's expecting, but it's not happening.

thepatriot74 wrote:

Bro code is about not hitting on bro's GFs, exes or sometimes sisters, not about calling dibs on unsuspecting girls. You waited one year too long to talk to her. Also, I'm pretty sure your 'bro' is well aware she is not into him, he is hoping to wait it out so maybe she'll settle for him somehow someway.

ziaxbabyy wrote:

Honestly, I don’t think you’re in the wrong here. Your roommate had a whole year to make a move, and if he’s just gonna sit around and say “love will find a way,” then that’s on him. It’s not like you’re trying to sabotage him; it sounds like the girl isn’t interested in him anyway. If she’s giving you signs, then go for it!

Life’s too short to wait around for someone who isn’t making an effort. Just be ready for some potential awkwardness, but you can’t let bro code hold you back from a possible connection. What do you think?

Thiicklola wrote:

NTA. You're not in the wrong for wanting to pursue this girl, especially since your roommate hasn't acted on his feelings despite encouragement. If she seems more interested in you now, it's reasonable to explore that connection.

Just have an honest conversation with your roommate about it, expressing your feelings while acknowledging his. If he’s a good friend, he should understand you're not trying to disrespect him but are open to a mutual relationship. Good luck!

Adept-Enging5606 wrote:

Understand this clearly: love is not a possession, nor is it a transaction between two people where one must wait for the other to claim a stake. Your friend is living in a dream, an illusion that "love will find its way," without taking any responsibility for his own desires.

Love requires courage, the courage to risk, to step forward. He has not stepped forward; he is clinging to a fantasy, while life is flowing past him. Now, if this girl feels something for you, it is not for you to ignore the flow of life simply because your friend is trapped in his own hesitation. The heart knows its own path.

There is no "bro code" in love; love is beyond such rules, beyond such childish games. If your heart is speaking, listen to it. You are not responsible for your friend's missed opportunities. You must follow what is true for you, with sensitivity and awareness, but without guilt. life moves—move with it.

SeductiveEbel wrote:

NTA. You’re in a tricky situation. While you might like the girl and feel she’s interested in you, your roommate has liked her for over a year and has expressed that he would be upset if you pursued her. Since he hasn’t made a move, you could argue it’s fair game, but it might be best to talk to him first.

Express your feelings and see how he reacts; this shows respect for his feelings while being honest about yours. Balancing your feelings and friendship is key to avoiding potential conflict.

SnooCupcakes780 wrote:

I think you should talk to your friend about the situation and tell him that it's been a long time, the girl knows he likes her but you were planning to ask her to hang out because she hasn't shown any signs of interest towards him. And if that's okay. He might argue that it's not but you can tell him that she won't hang out with you or show interest towards you if she's into him instead.

And you're right, he's had a long time and literally nothing has happened between those two. You can nicely tell him that she doesn't like your friend unfortunately. I don't think you'd be an AH to approach the girl but in order to avoid hurt feelings, it's better to have a chat before you move forward with this girl.

Valuable-Local5650 wrote:

NTA. Your friend had a whole year to shoot his shot and decided to sit on the sidelines waiting for a miracle. 'Love will find its way' sounds more like a plot to a rom-com than a strategy. If she's showing interest in you, it's fair game. Just be respectful when you bring it up to him and make sure you aren't stepping on any toes unnecessarily. Life’s too short for ‘what ifs’, especially in college!

DeviantDe wrote:

NTA for taking a shot, but all of you kind of suck. No one has dibs. She's not an object to claim ownership of. She's a person. Ask her out, if she likes you she'll go on a date. If not, move on. If your friend throws a fit about it, he's not mature enough to date. She's allowed to like or not like any of you.