'AITA for telling my husband to be honest with his family about his name before he forces a name on our son?'
"AITA for telling my husband to be honest with his family about his name before he forces a name on our son that none of us want him to have?"
So my husband's family has a male name that gets passed down through the generations; it's Andrew George. My husband was given that name at birth, so were three of his male cousins, his dad and five of his dad's cousins, then his grandpa and two of his grandpa's cousins, his great uncle and cousins, then great great grandpa is how far we know it goes back for sure.
My husband never liked his original name. He got the nickname of Sunshine in middle school and when he started college he started going by Sunny and then legally changed his name after graduation to Sunny and a middle name he chose for himself. But he never told his family about the name change and they call him Andrew and some of his siblings call him Drewey.
When we met my husband was already going by Sunny and we talked about the family name, the fact he didn't want to pass it on, the fact I also didn't like passing down family names as first names and we had agreed to giving our kids their own names. We also both had a thing for more unisex names and before I was even pregnant we had two boy names and two girl names chosen with an order to how we'd use them.
Now we're pregnant and we're having a boy and my husband has decided he doesn't want to upset his family and he feels we should use the family name for our son. I told him we'd agreed not to use it and he was putting me in a position to give a name I don't like to our kid. My husband said we could call him something else. My response to that was he wanted to deny me a say in the name and let me give our kid a nickname that won't be legally usable on documents.
He told me his family would be pissed if we passed up on this especially as our son will be the first grandchild. I asked him if his family's feelings and opinions were more important than mine and he said no without any hesitation or doubt. But he asked me to do this one thing for him.
I told him he should try being honest with his family before forcing a name on our son that none of us want him to have. He told me I didn't understand and I told him I did, but how could I trust him if he decided to flip that switch so hard that he's willing to pester me into doing this.
He told me I wasn't being fair bringing up his name change and I told him he was the one not being fair expecting me to name my child in accordance to his family's wishes. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
WaywardMarauder said:
NTA and when you give birth make sure the hospital staff know not to allow your husband to fill out the paperwork.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...he didn't like being stuck with the name himself, but wants you to do the same with your son, just so he can avoid an awkward conversation. He agreed that you wouldn't have to use the name. He needs to tell his parents. He needs to do this one thing for you and his son.
SuperbApplePie said:
NTA. Call him Andrew George every time you speak to him. I bet he doesn’t like it… how can he even think about giving his son a name that he hates so much that he himself legally changed it.
Connect_Guide_7546 said:
NTA. You're right about everything. Your husband is being peer and generational pressured into doing something he knows is wrong. He has lived a lie all his time. I wouldn't back down. Why should your son not have an original name to begin with? It's absurd to have that many people share a name. It's not even your husband's name anymore. It's his cousin's name. And his other cousin's. And his other cousin's. It's not even special to one part of the family.
atashi-wa said:
NTA - You are carrying this child, going through all pregnancy symptoms, body changes, etc. It is ridiculous to me that he would take the "path of least resistance" and ask you to follow some stupid tradition instead of being honest and setting boundaries with his family.
DiTrastevere said:
NTA, but I’m curious as to your husband’s family dynamics, because he seems to be terrified of them. How bad would it be if he were to tell them about his name change?