'AITA for telling my boyfriend he crossed a line with my work-life balance?'
"AITA for telling my boyfriend he crossed a line with my work-life balance?"
I (28F) work long, intense hours at a high-pressure job, and my boyfriend (30M) knows this. Recently, I finally set boundaries to stop taking work calls after 7 pm. This has helped me unwind and prioritize our time together, which he initially seemed to support. Last night, my boss called around 8:30 pm, but I ignored it.
My boyfriend asked why I didn’t pick up, and I explained I didn’t want work intruding on my evening. To my shock, he picked up my phone and answered the call himself, saying I was “too busy relaxing to talk.” I was mortified!
My boss sounded annoyed, and I had to spend 30 minutes on the call, only because he made it sound like I was slacking off. Afterward, I was furious and told him it wasn’t his place to interfere with my work like that. He thinks I’m overreacting and “shouldn’t be ashamed” of setting boundaries. AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Historical_World7179 wrote:
Wow, this is really inappropriate. He just undermined you and damaged your relationship with your boss. To me it’s creepy that he even answers your phone at all unless there was an emergency, much less when he knows it’s your boss calling. NTA. Edit for all the men “unable” to understand: yes, prior to cell phones we all answered landlines for each other.
The very obvious difference is that those were almost always communal lines. Cell phones are not communal property in most cases, and unless you and your partner have agreed that you would like one another to answer each other’s phones, doing this can often be considered intrusive for both the person whose phone you answered and the caller who was not expecting to interact with you.
If you are doing this in any way to screen your partner’s calls or gain access to information you wouldn’t otherwise have, then you are engaging in abusive behavior. Examine your motives carefully.
OP responded:
Yeah, it was unsettling. I’m definitely setting stricter boundaries now, especially around my phone.
PhilosophicalHorror wrote:
NTA.
If you continue with him, tell him you’re setting a boundary, and he needs to prove he is able to respect boundaries. Pretty hypocritical to try to support your boundaries while breaking them so openly.
OP responded:
Good point! I'll definitely talk to him about respecting boundaries fully.
Maximum_Law801 wrote:
So, your boyfriend wants you to spend more time with him, or what? He apparently wants you to lose your job at least.
OP responded:
It almost felt like he didn’t care about the consequences at all.
indred72 wrote:
NTA - your boyfriend isn't helping. You don't need him to defend you because you set the boundary. He shouldn't have said anything and it's very rude of him to assume he has any place to speak for you in your professional life.
OP responded:
Totally. I set my boundaries; I didn’t need him to interfere. Thanks for the support!
MaleficentProgram997 wrote:
You already set a boundary by not answering your phone. Your BF was way out of line and please don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting. That was way inappropriate and undermined you to your boss.
OP responded:
Thank you! I won’t let him make me feel guilty.
ThrowRASnarlyJ2 wrote:
Um absolutely NTA. Him saying he was trying to help you set a boundary is gaslighting, because he quite clearly made it much more difficult for you to enforce that boundary.
There was zero reason to answer the phone but if he really wanted to tell you boss to back off he could have said "OP is getting ready for bed, it's really not an appropriate time for a work call, but I'll let her know to check in with you in the AM."
Saying she's too busy relaxing is basically saying "hey she's not gonna answer the phone because she's lazy. She doesn't have anything else to do, she just wanted to ignore you. Here she is!"
What your boyfriend was doing was actively sabotaging your job/career. I don't know why. But it's hard to imagine any good reason for it. I don't know how long y'all have been together and if this is out of the blue I'm not going to tell you to dump him.
But certainly make crystal clear he may never answer your phone except in a medical emergency. And if he does it anyway, yeah you gotta leave or its basically permission to trample all over your wants/needs.