'AITA for finally telling my brother-in-law to leave after he’s been mooching off us for a year?'
"AITA for finally telling my brother-in-law to leave after he’s been mooching off us for a year?"
He moved in saying he just needed “a few months” until he was able to save enough money to rent his own place. It’s been a year, but he’s never once paid for bills, groceries, nothing. He doesn’t even do basic chores, but my wife (she's his brother) always tries to cover for him and does his chores for him instead. He leaves dishes in the sink, doesn’t take out the trash.
Just sits around on his phone when he's at home to play mobile games or goes out on his motorcycle to go on long rides with his buddies. We’ve been biting our tongues because he’s family, but last week was the last straw. He came home late, parked his bike, and didn’t lock the gate. As a result of his neglect, our dog of 12 years got out.
We searched everywhere and even made Facebook posts, only to find out a few hours later that he got hit by a car just outside our subdivision. We were devastated and I was very furious.
But guess who was the one acting pissed off?? My BIL. Saying it “wasn’t his fault” and that “s--t happens" and that he'd just buy us a new dog. LOL. He hasn't even contributed a single cent to our monthly electric or internet bills.
I lost it. Told him to pack his stuff and get out. My wife thinks I was too harsh, but I honestly don’t care anymore. He doesn’t respect our home, our rules, or our damn dog. AITA for not considering my wife's feelings first? A part of me feels that we should've talked about it first, but then I acted on my own out of anger. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
eowynsheiress wrote:
NTA. He got your dog k--led. And he is a mooch. While it would have been best to discuss with your wife first, you made the statement. It’s done. And hopefully your BIL will be gone. He has no excuse not to be fully ready to pay for his own place.
Don’t let him back.
JerseyGirl2468 wrote:
NTA. I'd have been furious too. He has long overstayed his welcome and caused great grief to you about the dog. I'm sorry. The only thing I'd say is this is a conversation that should have happened within a month or two of him moving in - he showed no signs of saving to move out, and didn't contribute anything to the household. You held your tongue for a year - that's too long.
ShortThunder5145 wrote:
Your wife is TA. And a huge one at that. She is disrespectful to you and your home. Her brother should not be her priority. Her husband should come first, especially in your home. She’s nuts!
IamIrene wrote:
"AITA for not considering my wife's feelings first?"
Why isn't she considering your feelings? Why does her brother seem to have priority in your home?? That's not okay.
NTA. He didn't get his act together within 3 months. It's my guess he never planned to until he was forced to. The whole not contributing anything to your household is just such gross, entitled behavior. Good on you for finally taking care of business.
I'm so sorry about your dog. :\
bopperbopper wrote:
NTA. Two thoughts. First, someone looking for money/support will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you’re asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you’re the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you’re really just the next stop on the list...there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.
Second, “What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working.” It’s rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they’ll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
I had a very good friend whose has some mental health issues and wanted to take some training in medical billing so she could get a better job and be able to support herself. She asked if she could stay with us for 3 to 6 months while she concentrated on studying for the medical coding exam.
She had taken some of the class work at the community college, but was running out of money, and wanted to study on her own. That 3 to 6 months turned into two years summer ( somewhat because of Covid)…once they started offering the tests in person again I told her hey I see that they’re offering the test.
You should sign up for one and she said well that’s in the southern part of the state and I was hoping not to go that far and I had to tell her that sometimes we gotta do what we don’t want to do.. so she takes the test and she fails and I don’t really understand what she was doing when she was studying.
So I started having some health issues of my own, and then she fell at my house and broke her wrist…at this point my daughter and I just couldn’t take it on her health issues plus my own so we told her that you know you haven’t made any progress in your schooling and you’re just health is deteriorating here and we just can’t continue to support you.
To her credit she moved out within a week and moved in with another friend. She made no progress with his friend in after a couple years her friend passed away, and she still lived in the house until the executors of the estate kind of made her move out, and then she moved in with another friend and still not making any progress.
I totally understand that her mental health issues prevent her from doing much and that’s why she’s on Social Security disability but I tried to give her a chance. Now, that second friend has asked her to leave and she’s in the hospital, and I told her to get help from social workers to find a place to stay.
Then she came back to our state and wanted to stay with me for “ just one night” to get herself “ reorganized “ Ann three months later I had to give her a deadline to move out because once again, I was having some surgery and didn’t want her around. I did take her to the county health and human services and she got signed up for housing vouchers, and Snap and everything because she was on SSDI.
So like 4-5 years after she first started staying with me, she finally got her own place. I assure you people like your brother will not take any steps to improve their life until you force them to. They get to live with their brother for free and have everything taken care of for them so why would they wanna leave that sweet deal?