'AITA for telling my brother our mother isn’t the problem, his wife is the common denominator of drama?'

"AITA for telling my brother our mother isn’t the problem, his wife is the common denominator with all this drama?"

My brother married Kat. Kat is difficult to get along with in general. Everyone in the family has had some type of drama with her. My drama with her revolved around being extremely rude about the food I made for a gathering. In general she is unpleasant to be around.

The family has taken a step back from my brother and his wife. We really only see them for family holidays. My mother dislikes her and avoids her. This is we’re the issue starts, my brother and Kat asked our mother to pet sit. She told them no and it was apparently a large fight. I asked my mom about it.

She doesn’t want to pet sit since she knows Kat would have a problem with something and it’s not worth the hassle. My brother was calling other people and they were also turning him down. I got a call and he went on a rant about how no one wants to help and our mother has turned the family against him.

I told my brother our mom isn’t the problem, that it’s his wife. That she is the common denominator with all the family drama and people don’t want to put up with her BS.

He called me a jerk and I am wondering if I went too far?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

makethatnoise wrote:

NTA, you gave him the truthful answer.

Has anyone in your family talked to your brother about how Kat is affecting their relationships with him?

OP responded:

It’s been brought up before. Nothing changes and everyone just started to take a step back from them.

pensaha wrote:

If her shoe fits. He must like putting blinders on when it comes to her. NTA. The majority has spoken. Maybe he will pass the message on to her. If not, then maybe one of you or all of you flat out tell her she has been rude and if she wants to know how, just tell it as it was. Don’t want to deal with her mess.

Hungry_Composer644 wrote:

Instead of simply saying “no” or making an excuse, every person tell him/them exactly why. “We’re no longer willing to let Kat berate us/scold us/insult us (insert whatever the difficult behavior has been), which is what happens every time we interact with her. She’s made it clear she has no affection or respect for us, and we’ve to take a step back.”

Each person should then present their own specific examples of her behavior towards them. Your brother needs to know the extent of her treatment of you all. So does she, if there’s even a slim chance she’s not aware of how offensive she is towards you.

Lost_Tough_4502 wrote:

NTA - if you can’t be honest with your brother then what’s the point of talking? He just doesn’t see or want to see the truth. Your mom has every right to say no to pet sitting as does everyone else. My suggestion is to tell your brother to ask everyone else to have honest conversations with him about his wife and how they feel.

HUNGWHITEBOI25 wrote:

Man…people like Op’s brother just confuse me. Like…whats more likely: that EVERYONE he knows is a jerk and doesn’t like his wife because of that…or do you think MAYBE it’s his wife thats the problem. Naw NTA Op, your brother needs to understand the term “if everywhere you go smells like shit, check the bottom of your shoes.”

BunnySlayer64 wrote:

NTA. Maybe it's time to sit down with your brother one-on-one (without Kat) and lay out a specific instance of Kat-induced drama for each member of the family. Ask him, each time, if the family caused the problem or if Kat did. Point out that your mother was not involved in these instances (if that's true).

He's not going to like it. He's going to be angry. He's going to defend his wife. All of this is understandable, but then you need to point out that it isn't you and the family that are causing these issues, and until Kat can come down off of whatever high horse she's decided to ride and act civil to everyone, you're all going to limit contact as much as possible to avoid any further drama.

KlutzyBlueberry9281 wrote:

NTA. But holy sheeeeet hahahahahah I laughed out loud at how dense your brother is! Like, he can't see why no one wants to have anything to do with them, much more help them with anything? He should take those blinders off.

He needed to hear what you said. You didn't lie. You just said the words the rest of your family want to say to him. Him taking it the wrong way is his and his wife's problem, not yours.

Edgemiserable4381 wrote:

I don't mind pet/plant sitting at all!! But I would never agree to do it for certain people bc you KNOW if anything goes wrong they'll be all over you complaining and accusing. Or they lose something and accuse you of taking it. Not worth it. NTA.