'AITA for telling Dad that I don't want to date our family friend's son in front of everyone?'

"AITA for telling Dad in front of everyone that I don't want to date family friend's son because I think he's manipulating me with his anxiety?"

I am on the spectrum so it's hard for me to tell. My older sister is diagnosed with anxiety. I know anxiety can come in different forms but I believe (& my sister as well) that someone is using their "anxiety" to manipulate me. I am a girl. Guy named Trey is the son of Dad's friend.

Sometimes he'd come around and we became friends, then he asked me out and we dated for a month. We go to the same school, this is the first year we had classes together. He makes it well known that he has anxiety to me and everyone around us. We have 4 classes together - in 2 we sit at the same table. Here's the issue - I suspect that Trey is faking his anxiety or using it as manipulation.

In the two classes where we sit close, he always suddenly starts breathing really heavily and working up a worried expression, burying his face in his hands and shaky breath. It lasts for like 20 seconds, then repeats about 20 mins later. I know to be polite and ask if he's okay but it just feels very off. From knowing my sister she seems genuinely scared in panic attacks.

Trey doesn't seem scared he just seems..calmer immediately after someone gives him empathy? Sometimes I even see a smirk. Or he'll suddenly go into an "anxiety attack", saying "it feels like the world is caving in" over and over and then... *RUN* over to adjacent tables to put his head on their desks and get their sympathy. Kinda distracting imo but he doesn't leave until someone asks him if he's alright.

It just is kinda off like usually in anxiety attacks you'd be just trying to get through it so I'd find it hard to immediately think about running to adjacent tables and making it known. I thought most people don't want others to know when these panic attacks happen. He keeps doing it more and more, it's like a daily occurrence by now. He only started after we began dating.

In the two classes we aren't sitting close, he will never have a single anxiety attack. He'll be loudly talking to friends. It just is kinda off because his behavior isn't ever consistent. Anyways he doesn't do this anxiety stuff in front of Dad or when we all are together. Guy seems charismatic else-wise, kind and polite.

But yeah after a month I felt like he was fishing for attention and sympathy from others so I broke up with him - politely ofc. I just made some excuse that I wasn't ready. Needed time to phrase it correctly to Dad so I kept the news to myself. Well our families had dinner together last weekend and in front of everyone Trey asked me why I broke up with him. Huge shock for everyone.

He started accusing me of seeing someone else as the reason since I was "giving him less attention at school" and I didn't handle this very well but I was embarrassed and mad and impulsively said that it was because he was a dramatic person and manipulating others with his "anxiety."

Dead silence, awkward drive home. Dad is mad at me, other family is mad at me too. AITA for having this opinion, and AITA for my actions?

The internet had OP's back.

Impossible_Rain_4727 wrote:

NTA - I would stop accusing him of faking and just play his game:

"I broke up with you because it's clear that I constantly trigger your anxiety. You are completely fine when I am not around, but whenever I am with you, you have an attack. This type of relationship was never going to work."

EmBZee wrote:

Nope NTA, if dude is gonna ask you that question in front of an audience he was rolling the dice on getting an honest response in front of an audience. He proved your point.

The_T0me wrote:

So let me get this straight.

You were dating a charismatic guy.

He was giving you some solid red flags so you broke up with him.

He called you out in the middle of a social dinner and accused you of cheating.

You were caught of guard and were possibly a bit too honest

And you're the one they're mad at? Honestly, it doesn't matter if he does have anxiety, accusing you of cheating in front of everyone is like a red tarp it's such a huge warning sign.

Sure, you could have been more tactful in the situation, but he backed you into a corner. If you have to endure some anger from both families, that's a small price to pay to avoid what was clearly the wrong relationship for you. NTA. Be proud of how you stood up for yourself and don't back down.

Content_Plenty_268 wrote:

NTA. Congratulations on your instincts, very impressive for someone so young. You’ll do all right in life. People will always enable and rise to the defense of a victim-playing drama queen and pile on anyone who sees through the drama queen and stands up to them. Be prepared for that. It’s not you, it’s them.

MercuryRising92 wrote:

NTA - in the future, just use the old "it's not you, it's me", and "you deserve someone who can really love you for yourself." And "I'm sorry, I just only care for you as a friend, and it's not fair to you to string you along."

It was really stupid of him to call you out in front of everyone.

And people like that, who try to embarrass and manipulate you in front of everyone, only deserve an answer that is good for you, who cares about them. And tell your dad that you're just not in to Trey "that way" . While you might go out with someone your dad recommends, you don't have to continue once you decide you don't want to date them anymore.

Your dad should be satisfied with just a "I don't care to go out with him anymore" - you don't need further reasons or justifications. And as for this young man - point out how he tried to embarrass you in front of everyone - very immature and controlling. Who needs that?

algunarubia wrote:

NTA. He's the one who put you on the spot and asked why you broke up with him in front of everyone, it's not your fault that you just blurted out your honest opinion. I think you should show what you wrote here to your dad. Hopefully that will help him be a little more objective about the situation.