'AITA for telling my dad's wife she won't be grandma to any future kids of mine?'
"AITA for telling my dad's wife she won't be grandma to any future kids of mine?"
My dad (62) is married to Noelle (60). They met when I (24f) was 16 and got married when I was 21. Noelle and I don't get along and we won't ever get along. The reason we don't get along is she's so aggressive for no reason.
Noelle fought with my grandparents the first time she joined in on a family vacation which was a year after her and dad started dating. The fight was over where we were going to eat.
Noelle didn't want to eat at the place that came with the vacation package my grandparents paid for. Then she got angry when most of us wanted to eat there and wouldn't go where she wanted and she took it out on my grandparents.
Nobody tried to stop her and dad from eating elsewhere but most of us didn't want to spend a fortune going to a place outside the package we got. She didn't want to do any of the paid for tours and got mad that my grandparents didn't cancel them all.
When Noelle first moved in with dad she started a weird fight with our neighbor over the neighbor's dog watching her. The neighbor said the dog was relaxing but Noelle didn't buy it and she was so aggressive even when she asked the neighbor to make the dog stop looking that first time. Noelle still calls that neighbor a b-word and a c-word years later.
We fought over my graduation. I didn't want her there but dad did. I gave in for him. She demanded me to invite her whole family and didn't even ask. She demanded right away. When I said no she stayed mad about it for weeks and argued with a bunch of people that whole time.
Even at work she got a warning for the attitude she gave. She picked a fight with my aunt at dad's birthday 60th birthday dinner. My aunt bought dad an extra dessert and it offended Noelle.
She accused my aunt of trying to steal the limelight and asked her why she was so entitled, which I still don't get how buying your brother a dessert on his birthday makes you entitled but anyway. My aunt ignored her. But the aggression off Noelle was through the roof.
My dad knows I don't like Noelle. He doesn't push. We meet up for lunch, dinner, etc. He'll visit me and I visit him when Noelle's at work or visiting with someone. He knows that when I get married some day Noelle won't be anything more than his plus one and he should not expect her to be thanked for anything.
He also knows there is no way I'll encourage my future kids to call her grandma. He's accepted it. I've accepted I don't have as close of a relationship with dad as before because he's married to Noelle and I want as little contact and exposure to her aggressive nature as possible.
We were all together for my uncle's birthday on Saturday and Noelle started fighting with him. She didn't like something he said about her favorite restaurant and just got so aggressive over it. My uncle rolled his eyes at her and ignored her but she wouldn't let it freaking go.
Then he suggested she might need to be medicated because she gets aggressive a lot and he compared her to an angry yapping dog. I laughed because I couldn't have said it better myself. She told me that I should be defending her not laughing.
She asked what I'd tell my future kids one day when they wondered why I let people speak to grandma that way. That's when I told her she won't be grandma to any future kids of mine. I told her she'll be grandpa's wife they never see.
She blew a fuse and was removed. My dad stayed an apologized for her blowing up at the party. She's decided we need to talk about what I said but I ignore her. Every time she leaves a voice message or sends a text she tells me I don't have the right to deny her and my future kids a relationship and saying I'll be an awful mother. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You don’t earn the title “grandma” just by marrying someone with adult kids. That title is about love, connection, trust, and basic decency — all of which Noelle has torched with her rage-fueled behavior.
She’s not family. She’s just your dad’s wife who yells at people in restaurants and picks fights with dogs. There’s no rule that says future kids have to suffer that energy. Good for you for holding your boundary.
Absolutely nailed it Just your dad’s wife who yells at people in restaurants and picks fights with dogs” had me crying That’s exactly the energy I’m trying to keep away from any future kids.
Is your Dad happy with her? She sounds like a crazy biatch.
She beefing with a dog, your aunt, and your uncle... and somehow you’re the problem? Girl, you’re setting boundaries, not starting drama. NTA.
You two aren't even related ? NTA and keep your future kids away from cruella de angry?
NTA. Noelle has lots of undiagnosed and untreated issues that's plain to see, but what is wrong with your dad?
I keep my dad at a distance because of his wife. She’s a lot like this woman. My kids see my dad about once a year. They call my dad’s wife by her name. She tried and successfully pushed me out of his life, she successfully pushed all of his family before her out of his life.
She was mad she wasn’t announced with my dad at my wedding (they married a few months before me in a shotgun wedding). She’s always been a horrible person, my family doesn’t like her (as in my dad’s siblings and his parents when they were alive). My dad sounds a lot like yours he has no backbone to stand up to the horrid person he married.