'AITA for telling my father and his girlfriend that the gift she got me was creepy and invasive?'

"AITA for telling my father and his girlfriend that the gift she got me was creepy and invasive?"

I’m expecting my first child, due in February. This is the first grandchild on both sides, so everyone is very excited about it. My father’s girlfriend “Lena” (fake name) and I have an okay relationship, but we’re very different people. I don’t like most of the things she likes and vice versa.

There’s no bad blood between us, but she can be a bit pushy sometimes, so we’re not exactly close. One of the biggest differences between me and Lena is our stance on influencer culture: she loves it, I don’t. Since I got pregnant, she’s been sending me posts on Instagram of random influencers talking about their experiences with childbirth, motherhood, etc.

A few months ago, one of her favorite influencers gave birth and filmed the whole thing. She posted a cutesy, poorly edited video of the baby being born and her entire family watching from outside the delivery room, with country music playing in the background.

Lena sent me that video, and I remember telling her I’d never do something like that. My husband and I celebrated Christmas at my cousin’s place with the rest of my family. When it was time for us to exchange and open our gifts, Lena gave me an envelope.

Inside was a videographer’s business card. She told me she was hiring him to film my birth. I seriously cannot imagine being filmed while going through a medical procedure, and I don’t want anyone besides my husband at the hospital with me. I’ve been clear about that since I announced my pregnancy. I didn’t want to embarrass Lena, so I thanked her when she gave me the card.

Yesterday, my husband and I had lunch with her and my father, and I told her that while I appreciated the gesture, I didn’t feel comfortable with a videographer. I said she didn’t have to get me anything else for Christmas, but I’d appreciate it if she didn’t hire him. Both she and my father got offended, and we ended up having an argument.

At one point, Lena started crying and said she couldn’t understand why I’d pass up on the opportunity of creating such a “beautiful memento” of my child’s birth. I replied that I found the idea of having someone film me during such a vulnerable moment to be creepy and invasive, and that this wasn’t the first time I expressed I was uncomfortable with it.

My father said that it was rude of me to say that and refuse the gift, and he’s “very disappointed” in me. My husband agrees with me, as does pretty much my whole family. I don’t really think I did anything wrong, but my father’s reaction is freaking me out. AITA?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Sufficient-Tomato525 wrote:

NTA. Lena overstepped a huge boundary. Filming such a private medical event without your explicit consent is invasive and frankly bizarre. You were well within your rights to decline the "gift," and it's your father who is being unreasonable by not respecting your wishes and boundaries.

uhuhsuuure wrote:

NTA. Do NOT tell them when you are in labor and tell the hospital that both of then aren't allowed in the delivery room. I can see Lena whipping out her phone and if your dad don't got your back during a moment that is purely YOURS and your husband's, then he can wait outside too!

peachpetalprincess wrote:

NTA. Birth is a deeply personal experience, and you’ve been clear about your boundaries. Lena’s gift ignored that and it’s not rude to say no to something invasive. Your comfort and privacy come first, not her feelings.

Lucky-Effective-1564 wrote:

NTA "Dad. Why does your girlfriend want pictures of me at my most vulnerable - showing my tits and fanny to the world?"

OP responded:

The influencer video she sent me doesn't show anything explicit. It's mostly shot from the waist up, and the boobs are censored. The woman also had a c-section (which I don't plan on having, provided it's safe for me to have a natural birth). Even if nothing like that is shown, I don't like the idea of being filmed while going through it.

CapitalEfficent4562 wrote:

NTA - You are completely within your rights to refuse this "gift." Childbirth is an intensely personal and often vulnerable experience. Lena massively overstepped by assuming she could hire someone to film such a private event without your consent.

It's okay to set boundaries, even if it upsets people. Your father is wrong to prioritize Lena's feelings over your comfort and autonomy. You're not obligated to accept a gift that violates your privacy.

Alarming_Reply_6286 wrote:

Does Lena have any kids? It sounds like Lena has not ever given birth & has watched too many Hallmark movies. Why was she crying? Is she always overly emotional? I don’t think she meant to be creepy. It seems like she has a very fictional idea of what childbirth is like.

Perhaps you could use the gift to videotape your first day home after the baby is born? Some people do choose to videotape the birth of their children. However, that is a highly personal decision. I can’t imagine anyone would ever want to see that movie. NTA.

busyshrew wrote:

What the holy hell. 100% you are NTA OP. And, as a matter of fact, you handled the entire situation very properly - you thanked Lena in public but gently refused the gift in private. This is the way. Your father is wrong and he is acting c*nt-struck in the bargain. Ignore him and now you know; he doesn't have enough grasp of social norms to understand that this 'gift' is pushy, overbearing and dictatorial.

It's a shame that he's picking his bed warmer over his daughter & future grandchild, but I've seen this before. Stay strong OP. If you hold firm on this very reasonable boundary, hopefully this will nip a lot of Lena's nonesense in the bud. It's pretty clear that she's infatuated with what she sees online and will try to jam you into that mold, whether you want to or not.

And your Dad is backing her up and willing to trample over your emotions and boundaries to keep her happy. So sorry you are dealing with this OP. Ignore ignore ignore, please focus on yourself, husband and the new baby. And CONGRATULATIONS!! May your pregnancy be healthy, your labour be short and your delivery be easy.