'AITA for telling my friend I can't make her wedding dress? I made them for two other friends.'
"AITA for telling my friend I can't make her wedding dress despite making them for two other friends?"
I (38F) am a dressmaker and have my own shop, it has been a custom in my friend group that my wedding gift to friends who marry has been an original wedding dress made to their taste and have done this for two friends.
I love my job and I love my friends so it has always been an easy choice for me. However I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first child and trying to lessen my workload as I prepare for my maternity leave and pass larger projects over to my employees.
My friend informed me last night that she is getting married, I was of course so happy for her and congratulated her, she asked if i'd be making her dress for her and I told her of course, to just let me know when they had a date and I was told they already had a date, January 19th.
That was fine, a year and five months, perfect, plenty of time to do the designs and make it and I expressed as much to her but she corrected me, it wasn't January 19 2026 like I assumed, but January 19, 2025. I was a bit shocked at this and told her that if that's the date she'd picked I'd have to take back my promise as there is no way I can make her dress in that time frame as I'll not be too long post partum.
I asked her to reconsider the date if she wanted me to make a dress pointing out how five months wasn't much to plan a wedding but she insisted that was when she wanted it, I didn't push as it was up to her but I made it clear I will not be able to make her dress for her then. She didn't understand this at all pointing out how I'll be taking time off work soon anyway and can't I just use that time to make her dress.
I admit in hindsight I got a bit snappish here and she likely didn't realize just how much work goes into a wedding dress but I asked her if she'd hit her head and why she'd think it's ok to ask me to put stress on my pregnancy for her wedding dress? She has been putting messages in the group chat calling me out for it and saying how it's easy to tell who my favorites are and it's clear her feelings are hurt.
I'm annoyed but also feeling a bit regretful about this, I can't trust my employees to make a wedding dress without me as their skill level isn't up to that but maybe I could have a rehearsal dinner dress made for her or even a reception dress to soothe the hurt of her not getting the custom dress she wants.
The internet kept it honest in the comment section.
SuitableField5365 wrote:
You’re definitely NTA here. Pregnancy is no joke, and your friend seems to be downplaying how much work and stress goes into making a wedding dress, let alone dealing with a newborn. You’ve done amazing work for your friends before, but your health and your baby come first. It’s not about favorites; it’s about what’s realistic.
If she can’t understand that, it’s on her. Offering to make a smaller dress or something else is a nice gesture, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for setting boundaries.
fallingintopolkadots wrote:
NTA. Wowwwwwww, that's some hella audacity of your "friend" to suggest you risk your health (and sanity) in order to make her a wedding gown in...5 months. You're growing a human and then you will be birthing a tiny human and then recovering from giving birth while taking care of a newborn.... where does she think wedding gown making is going to go amid all of the that. My gosh.
Sweeper1985 wrote:
NTA. So, you in fact offered her an incredibly generous gift that will take you a great deal of work, and you advised her that this amount of work needs a certain time frame...and the ungrateful AH has the nerve to demand that you do it in a time frame you can't accommodate, while on maternity leave and recovering from the birth of your baby?
You are in NO way an AH here. She is though, and I'd suggest that given her attitude, she does not deserve a dress from you.
Equal-Brilliant2640 wrote:
Sounds like it’s time to stop gifting free wedding dresses. And I would make a public post about it. Something like:
“Due to the recent behaviour of a former friend of mine, I will no longer be gifting customer wedding dresses to future brides."
And going forward if you so choose, you can have certain folks pay for the cost of materials if you so choose. But even then I wouldn’t bother As a seamstress and cosplayer myself the audacity of your friend is astounding. And to anything who think you’re in the wrong? Time to cut them out of your life.
BrewKoala wrote:
You are absolutely NTA here. Your ‘friend’ is not only TA, but she is entitled and selfish. You explained the totally valid reason this would be difficult and she dismissed that and now has the gall to badmouth you about it in the group chat. You’ll be taking time off your paid employment soon, but you’ll be increasing your workload hugely by having a tiny human to care for.
“I’m sorry that you feel a dress you will wear for one day is more important than my child. I do not share this sentiment. You’re right, I do have a favourite, it’s the child growing inside me who I am already nurturing and caring for and will forevermore."
"This life is far more important to me than a dress, and if you think that this is an unfair and selfish attitude, and your dress is the priority, then you’re not the type of person I would ever want to wear one of my creations anyway.” Don’t make anything, OP.
Not a single thing. Take care of you and your child. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy - you’re going to be a great mum, baby isn’t even here yet and you’re already putting their wellbeing first.
CrabbiestAsp wrote:
NTA. It's not like you're saying no just because you want to be an AH. You're saying no because you're pregnant and she has given you a very small time to complete the favour. She doesn't care about your situation but expects you to care about hers? Absolutely not.