'AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor?'
"AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor?"
My best friend Layla (29f) and her partner Ryan (40m) were over for dinner this evening. I enjoy cooking and tonight’s dish was a seafood pasta with garlic bread and a veggie side dish. Having Layla and Ryan over for dinner is a semi frequent occurrence, but they typically don’t contribute anything to our meals.
The reasoning is 1.) they struggle financially and 2.) neither of them are very good at cooking. IF they do bring something it’s usually drinks or a store bought side dish (potato salad, mac salad, chips, etc) but that is rare. This has not ever really bothered me because hanging out is always a good time and I’m understanding of their financial situation and preference for not cooking.
My partner and I live very comfortably and can afford to feed guests for dinner every so often so it really has never been an issue until tonight. I usually like to cut shrimp in half when I’m incorporating it into pasta because I feel like it mixes in better that way. It’s just a personal preference. I don’t claim to be a master chef. I just like cooking, and that’s the way I’ve always done it. Layla started getting on my case about not serving whole shrimp with the pasta. It started out as lighthearted banter but quickly became extremely annoying. Some of her comments included:
Feeling stingy tonight, huh?
Hope I don’t get hungry again later!
I’ve never seen pasta served with cut up shrimp before!
I eventually got fed up and said something along the lines of, “Interesting take considering that I know you’ve never cooked shrimp ever in your life, and probably can’t afford to either. You don’t work, Ryan doesn’t have a real job….you guys come over here for free food and complain about it? Nah. I’m done.” It was word vomit…followed by a very awkward silence.
They left shortly after that. I texted Layla an hour later and apologized for what I said. She apologized as well but honestly I’m still mad. I’m starting to feel like they’re freeloaders and it just feels icky knowing that they come over here and eat well pretty often and my partner and I never get anything in return. I know that we’re in different financial situations but there are ways to make an effort without spending a lot of money.
Layla suggested we do dinner again next week, assuming we were all good after we both apologized. I responded and basically said “I’ll pass on that.” She hit me back with “So are we too poor for you now?” And I just said “Yep.” It’s obviously not entirely that. But the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth and now I don’t even want to talk to her. My partner thinks I’m being harsh but I don’t know…I feel used and I don’t like that.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Sea_Mycologist4936 said:
ESH, you're not wrong for getting mad at them being critical of the food you're making, but you f-ed up by making it all about them being poor in your response. Better to just go with a more general "well feel free not to eat it, then."
annang said:
She was rude. You were worse. Insulting someone’s entire life is worse than insulting their shrimp. ESH, but mostly you. You dramatically escalated this. And she’s not your friend anymore.
MariaChequita said:
Layla isn't your friend, she's just someone in your life who makes you feel superior Congrats, you're better off financially than her and can cook...you're still an a-hole and Layla sucks too, I see why y'all hang out together. ESH.
sati_lotus said:
ESH. She made obnoxious comments about your cooking, but you attacked her financial situation. "You can't even afford shrimp." Frankly I think you're the worse one. You didn't call her out for being impolite about her comments. You just went "f-k you, you're poor." You're both better off without each other.
Impossible-Tutor-799 said:
NTA. She is Not poor financially, poor in manners. Flowers, handmade items, crafts, thank you notes. There are so many ways to show appreciation, “feeling stingey tonight” isn’t one of them. I think this friendship ran its course. Don’t invite them again.
whatfreshhells said:
ESH it is a humiliating and embarrassing feeling when someone shames you for being poor, a “friend” did that to me once and I never looked at him the same again. She insulted your shrimp, you made a f-d up value judgement on her entire life. Being poor is not something to use as an insult, being poor doesn’t make you a bad or lesser person. She was rude but that has nothing to do with being poor! You revealed that you viewed her as lesser and a freeloader.
littlegreenwolf said:
She was rude but YTA. Like damn, how expensive do you think shrimp is? And you gotta go and act like you’re superior cause you make more money than her. AH and no class.