'AITA for telling my friend that most women would not marry him and mocking his minimum-wage job?'
"AITA for telling my friend that most women would not marry him and mocking his minimum-wage job?"
I am a short guy, around 5'4 to 5'5. In my thirties. My friend Ian is around 6'1. I'd met him some time back at an event & although he's really good-looking, he works as a waiter at a restaurant. On the other hand I make quite a lot to put it mildly.
Ian has a girlfriend, Julia. We were hanging out at his place yesterday along with some of his other friends. I am a teetotaler & absolutely loathe alcohol, but the others were getting dr-nk and began to make "jokes."
One of the jokes was about how short I was, and am still single.
Ian said "Dude, I am not surprised that you are still single, you are really short and most women would pass on you immediately." The others laughed, including Julia.
I was momentarily startled, but then snapped "At least I don't struggle to make ends meet and work a minimum-wage job." I added "Most women won't consider you marriage material, by the way."
Ian got extremely mad & began to argue with me, and so did the others. We had a huge verbal sparring. I asked them to f-k off & in the end left the place.
AITA?
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
RecordingFun1642 wrote:
NTA. Dr-nk or not, he started it, so he definitely deserved such a reply. Alc-hol brings out what’s hidden within you, so Ian definitely meant what he said about you. It sounds like you both shouldn’t hang out with each other, as it seems like your friends are manipulative and hypocritical. It will only get more toxic for you in the long run.
haleorshine responded:
It's immature, but "Don't dish it out if you can't take it," is a rule many people should remember. If you're teasing somebody (especially about something they can't control), they just might tease you back, and it may be about something you're sensitive about. Also, he's just straight up wrong - many short men get a lot of interest from women.
Sure, there are some women who won't date a short man, just like there are men who won't date women who aren't model perfect, but the only time I've seen short men who can't find a girlfriend, they're usually incredibly focused on their height and if they just chilled out and approached women normally, they'd be completely fine.
I have no idea if OP has had issues finding a date, but he's probably going to do a lot better if he stops hanging out with guys like this who are digging into his (potential) insecurities.
CayKar1991 responded:
I'm pretty much convinced that short men fall into two categories: Those who make their height their whole personality, and those who don't.
And short men who don't make their whole personality about being short do just fine in the dating world.
haleorshine responded:
This is 100% how it works. Short kings who don't care about their height and don't use it as their excuse for every part of their life that doesn't work are actually really hot. It's the sort of confidence that totally works for me, and from what I've heard, works for many many other women. But there are short dudes who blame everything in their life they don't like on being short.
They didn't get a job? It's because they're short (and there is evidence that shorter men are less likely to get hired, but it's not ever going to be the only reason somebody doesn't get hired). A woman they're attracted to isn't attracted to them? It's entirely because they're short (because he assumes she only cares about looks in a partner because he only cares about that?).
It's a way to stop them from ever having to look at their own failings or personality and do any work on themselves because the only reason they're not billionaires with a bunch of model girlfriends is that they're short.
Low-Inevitable-7 wrote:
ESH — the ‘although he’s good looking, he’s a waiter’ says it all.
Peony-Pony wrote:
ESH. You both were unkind.
AlfredoDG133 wrote:
Obviously you’re an AH. But beyond that, your insult kinda rings hollow when you’re single and he’s not. Really bad look lol.
ETA: ESH
SushiGuacDNA wrote:
NTA.
You m-rdered him. But murder is legal in self defense, so I say he's the AH for taking shots at you, and you are not the AH for taking shots back at him.
MinimumCoffee3517 wrote:
"You m-rdered him."
Did he really though? Telling the guy with the girlfriend that he can't get a wife because he's a lowly waiter isn't what I'd consider to be a clever comeback.
PhoenixRisingToday wrote:
ESH. but mostly Ian. He can dish it out but he can’t take it. While your response wasn’t the most mature, he definitely had it coming.
Remember that drinking alcohol drops inhibitions, so the drunk Ian showed you who he really is. Might be time to reevaluate that “friendship”.
And of course you know he’s wrong - plenty of guys who are not tall have fantastic long-lasting relationships and marriages.
Adventurous_Byte wrote:
ESH.
Your friend for commenting on your height, and you for doing the same on their financial situation. Bear in mind that you probably won't get any taller, but they could get into a better financial situation at some point in the future...
Dontblink-S3 wrote:
You’re both idiots.
Him for mocking your height, and you for stating that financial situation makes him unworthy.
Also, while I don‘t condone drunkenness, the fact that you stated that you’re “a teetotaler and absolutely loathe alcohol” reeked of superiority. To be honest, I would rather be married to someone who is honest, ethical, has morals. Basically, someone decent that i could trust with my life. I have no interest in someone wealthy, and arrogant. It’s a real turn off, and maybe that’s why you’re single.
caf012 wrote:
Is it possible for both of you to be arseholes?
In response to his “attack” you retaliated but being honest I couldn’t be bothered with either of you. Far too passive aggressive for me.
Nobody7713 wrote:
ESH. Ian's a dick, but it sounds like you're single for reasons other than your height.
Ralfton wrote:
Lol my partner made way more than me until I got an advanced degree and my most recent job, and even now I don't make THAT much more than him. He's also short. Being short and a waiter aren't y'all's main problems. Sounds like you both are insecure at best, and all around suck at worst.