'AITA for telling my GF and family if they make me abandon my dog I'll disappear from their lives?' UPDATED

"AITAH for telling my GF and family that if they make me abandon my dog I will disappear from their lives?"

My girlfriend [F26] always wanted to adopt a dog; I [M29] didn't since I had a dog for 14years and it broke my heart when my dog passed away. After some time together, 3 years, we adopted a dog, who's a pup of her family's dogs. My dog has always been a handful since he was a wee pup, only listening to me and no one else.

My girlfriend and I do not live together, but we stay very close to each other. My mother lives with me (I own the house). Despite being mainly my GF's desire to get a dog, she never stepped up to the responsibilities of dog ownership, be it financial or otherwise. Everytime I was asking her to contribute by paying his food or even walking him, she would sigh before saying yes.

I would be spending 4-5 hours each day with my dog; walking him for 10km per day and playing with him. About a month ago, we sent him for training. Couple of days ago, the trainer made us go down to the K9 training centre only to tell us that the dog is untrainable and I should get him out of there immediately (ofc I paid for it).

When it came to decide what to do next, send him to another trainer or keep him home with its current amount of training (basic commands that I taught him when he was a pup) both my mother and girlfriend made it quite clear that their lives were better without the dog.

For the former, I made it clear from the start that "my house, my rules" and for the latter I made clear that "she wanted a dog and never stepped up to the role."

They were pretty adamant and felt deflated once I made my intentions clear. I told them that abandoning that dog, probably to a farmer since he's a working breed, would be equivalent to tearing a limb off me. I told them that in case I am forced to abandon my dog I would sell everything off and disappear (I work remotely so it's very easy for me to do). What should I do? AITAH for saying so?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Edit: The trainer said my dog is untrainable due to the fact that he hasn't acclimated to the training centre after a month being there and that he requires two people (women) to walk him because he pulls a lot. He is very wilful, literally no other person than me can make him change his mind, that's the reason I sent him to a training centre.

So my GF and or family may walk him when I am too busy. He hasn't bitten anyone, but unfortunately when he was younger he might have chewed a couple of slippers and shoes (and even one my favourite sweaters), but nothing like that for the past 6months.

The internet had a lot of thoughts to share.

nanladu wrote:

I wouldn't take that sole trainer's word for it. Do some research to find the right trainer for your breed of dog. If it is a working dog, you may want to get involved with agility training so it can use its brain too.

Hunnybear_sc wrote:

OP, have you looked into a behavioral trainer rather than an obedience or general trainer? What breed is the dog? Working dogs generally have different needs when it comes to training and their day to day to not be bored/stressed/hyper/destructive. Behavioral training is a whole separate field than obedience, sport, or work.

Non-behavioral trainers aren't usually well versed in dog psychology, problem solving or behavioral modification, and many times dogs that are not responsive to regular trainers aren't learning bc they need some sort of behavioral intervention or a different method of training based on their breed or life experiences.

(I work primarily with animal behavior, training, and am pursuing my veterinary degree. Animal behavior is rather a passion of mine so I try to educate where I can.)

Judging-aholes wrote:

INFO: I feel like you're leaving out info here to make your side look better. A trainer saying that a dog is "untrainable" usually means that their is aggression going on, and even more so if the trainer said you should get him out of there immediately. Is your dog aggressive towards them? Has he bitten one your GF, mother, or anyone else?

If you are taking responsibility for your dog, how would your mother's life be easier without the dog? It seems she doesn't mind them as she got you one when you were a child, so what's really going on with the dog's behavior here?

OP responded:

I answered the reason in another comment. Edited my post to include the reason. My mum and I were primary caretakers for a sick relative for 5 years and it was bad (don't want to go into details).

Since the relative passed, my mum seems unwilling to care for anyone (or be with anyone) other than herself. I am the ideal "roommate" because I rarely live my room. The dog goes around and might even want to sleep with her and that causes an adverse reaction from her.

annang wrote:

INFO: why would you be "forced" to abandon your dog, then "sell everything off and disappear"? You and your girlfriend don't live together, and the dog is yours. If you want to keep the dog, keep the dog, and stay where you are, and live with your dog in your home.

If you want to break up with your girlfriend, either because you don't like the way she's treating the dog, or because you're mad at her for not living up to the commitment she made to you when you agreed together to adopt the dog, break up with your girlfriend.

And if she gives you an ultimatum that she will break up with you if you don't rehomed the dog, you can let her break up with you. But you can do all that without having to "disappear," and she can't "force" you to "abandon" your dog. I don't at all understand why you've jumped to that.

Misty_Fairy wrote:

Of course you need to keep the dog, and send it to another trainer as that one may not have been compliant. A dog is man's friend.