'AITA for telling my husband I hate his most beloved hobby?' UPDATED 2X

It's endearing to watch your partner get excited about something. But excitement and obsession are different things, and the line between them can feel quite intense as a bystander.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her husband she can no longer stand his hobby. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my husband I hate his most beloved hobby?"

I'm sick of hearing about the NFL draft. For years my husband was a casual fan, and I’ve been a pretty good sport about football season dominating our Sundays. HOWEVER, this has changed drastically since COVID. Three years ago he started watching this Brett Kollman guy, and he became obsessed with the draft. He hadn’t talked this much about college football since he graduated YEARS ago.

He has this giant dry erase board in our BEDROOM that he calls his “big board.” It’s ridiculous. At first I was supportive and I let him rant and explain what the draft was all about, but I’m so sick of hearing about it. He raves about PFF like they’re the great gospel, but GOOD GRIEF! He’s always in his man cave “evaluating” players like he’s an owner of a team.

It feels like fantasy football year round, and it has absolutely wrecked our relationship as he spends HOURS watching football plays and people talk about football plays. He can’t even stop talking about it when we’re in a public restaurant. He’s constantly quizzing waiters/waitresses about their football knowledge, and it’s embarrassing.

Heaven forbid he sees someone at our local park with a football shirt/hat. He becomes insufferable. We went to my niece’s spring soccer game, and he went off with the other dads to talk about Football. My goodness.

The internet fully had OP's back.

GottaKnowYourCKN wrote:

NTA. It's okay to have something you're passionate about, but if it's obsessive to a point where there is nothing else you can talk about, that's a problem. It sounds like he's obsessing over football and impacting nearly all his relationships. God, even wait staff aren't exempt? Does he just randomly start talking about it? Why does he feel the need to quiz people?

OP responded:

Thank you. Something you said has sat with me today. In fact, after reflecting I suppose really the only relationship that has suffered due to this whole thing is me. My father loves it. My brothers love talking to him. He’s a sweet man, which is why I married him in the first place.

I guess maybe I might be overreacting due to the fact that it’s “draft-Szn.” The draft is Thursday and I’m going to try to watch it with him.

GottaKnowYourCKN responded:

That's great and really sweet of you. However, don't gaslight yourself into thinking it's just one sided. If it feels like your relationship is struggling because of his obsession with football, that's something to pay attention to.

OP responded:

We had some good conversations about compromising today, and he was willing. We will see how it goes, but I am optimistic.

[deleted] wrote:

INFO: any chance he might be nuerodivergent? Sounds similar to hyperfixation.

Edited to add NAH, your man is excited about something and that’s cute, but you’re also allowed to have boundaries so you should speak to him about it.

OP responded:

Not to my knowledge. I think my mistake was on the boundaries end. I am going to try to set more firm boundaries. I encouraged him to start a YouTube channel so that he has a real outlet to share all of his knowledge with people that want it the most. (Not that I don’t enjoy talking to my husband).

tat2dbanshee wrote:

Why do people immediately ask if someone is autistic when someone describes behavior that is rude and annoying? Obviously this is new behavior since the pandemic for OPs bf, and autism doesn't just spring up like that 🙄

Anyhoo, my husband used to be a pro wrestler, (no one anyone would know, he was a "jobber"). He absolutely loves it, watches it religiously, three times a week, more if there's a pay per view, and now with all these WWE Biography and Rivals shows its nearly nonstop. So I totally understand how you feel.

You just need to set boundaries. Like with mine I was like, ok we can watch Raw and Smackdown but not AEW and I'm absolutely not interested on the biographies and PPVs so watch them on your own time. And I try to be kind when he wants to talk about stupid a** fake WWE storylines for an hour but I will eventually be like, ok, that's enough, let's talk about something else.

Just tell him it's not acceptable to try to make you (and servers) talk about one subject only, he needs to chill because he's BORING. My husband hates the cartoons I love so for two weeks solid I made him watch Family Guy reruns every night and he lost his mind, I was like THIS, this is exactly how I feel about wrestling, it's boring for me. I put up with it because I love you, but there's a line.

OP responded:

I appreciate your insight. I’m going to try to set boundaries, so our relationship can blossom again.

Alexa_Octopus wrote:

NTA. It's okay to like/love a thing, but when it happens to the exclusion of social boundaries, with you or other uninterested parties, it may need some introspection on his part. If he is unwilling/unable, you may need to have a meaningful discussion with him.

OP responded:

We are having a discussion today…we’ll see where it goes. I am optimistic.

hausofmc wrote:

Is this some sort of coping mechanism following COVID? It was a wild time for people. I think he might need to speak to someone because this is way beyond an annoying hobby now.

OP responded:

I think he just found this through all the time at the house, and happened to really enjoy it. I don’t think he’s coping.

In a very fun meta update, Brett Kollmann himself popped up in the comments.

Barian_Fostate wrote:

Hi, I am actually Brett Kollmann. This is my real Reddit account. Please tell your husband that I say hi and also I am sorry for ruining your marriage. But seriously tho please tell him I said hi and that I appreciate him.

OP responded:

Hello, Brett. If this really is you, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Your community has been very kind to my husband, and I am grateful for you giving my husband this joy. He doesn’t have Reddit, but he was ecstatic to hear that you reached out. I’m going to need to make a few of your “world-famous” beverages this Thursday-Saturday, but no divorce is on the table right now.

Barian_Fostate wrote:

You guys sound like a lovely couple! Let him know if he's ever near LA to hit me up and we'll go grab a beer and talk football to give you a night off haha. Or if he's near KC this week, I'll be there for the draft.

OP responded:

Well thank you that’s a very kind gesture. We are going to watch the 1st round together, so we’ll see how that goes.

5HeadedBengalTiger wrote:

It is actually Brett’s Reddit account lol he posts a lot of his videos on the NFL related subreddits. I respect your husband’s passion as a big football fan myself, but I do think he is husband is taking it a little far. Bringing it up to the random waiters and things like that is a bit weird.

I will say, chatting up other likeminded football guys out in the wild is very fun so I can see why he does that. I’d recommend maybe he find a fantasy football group or some friends who are also into football to talk about it with.

WhatsOnDraftNFL wrote:

NTA (mostly). Literally a lunatic with the draft here. Have been evaluating players for 6 years (started as hobby turned into job). Going out of your way to jam it down everyone's throat or "quiz people" in public on their football knowledge is cringe behavior - he needs to find a community to share that interest with or do a little more to keep it to himself.

I could ramble about it for days but I know my wife doesn't want to hear it so I don't talk about it unless she asks. It's just a common courtesy for topic direction. As far as spending hours watching football - yeah it's a pretty time consuming thing.

If you want more of his time then you need to make that clear and set harder boundaries, or you have to accept that time he wants to himself to do that hobby. Keep in mind it's pretty seasonal and the draft is going to be over with here shortly anyways, so maybe things will seem a little better after Saturday.

OP responded:

I would like to clarify that he quizzes people in a playful way. I encouraged him to start a YouTube Channel as an outlet. We are going to discuss boundaries.

nyperfox wrote:

ESH.

Your husband needs to back down on the time involved here. But you can be more respectful of his hobby.

OP responded:

I agree that this is a two way street. Thank you for your comment.

After receiving lots of support and advice, OP jumped on with a real update.

UPDATE: My husband and I have had some good conversations, and he is willing to compromise with me. I do think I may have overreacted slightly. I am going to get him some recording equipment for his birthday so he can start a YouTube channel, which we both agree would be a good outlet. Thank you to everyone for your comments. We will see how this goes after the draft is over Saturday.

The internet was fully invested in the update.

danuhorus wrote:

In OP's defense, I would've drawn the line in the sand the moment my spouse tried bringing a freaking giant dry erase board into the bedroom lol.

HoverButt wrote:

I want her to have drawn up some hobby of hers on it in agonizing detail.

emptycagenowcorroded wrote:

Pfft! Calmly reevaluating things after some time off and gaining some perspective?! I specifically came here for the drama c’mon get divorced and light the TV on fire

But seriously good for them they seem like good people.

Hambergler wrote:

D*mmit, I need the conclusion where he's been kicked out of the house, she's pregnant with Vollman's twins (we'll figure out something about his wife), and they spot the now ex-husband sleeping in an alleyway, using his whiteboard as a makeshift roof for shelter.

mtdewbakablast wrote:

Glad this worked out for them. but personally? God help me but I am not sure I would ever encounter d*ck so good that I could put up with a big dry erase board for football plays in the bedroom. At that point breaking out the conspiracy theory bulletin board and string and going full Pepe Silva seems like foreplay by comparison.

In a rare turn for Reddit, this ended quite wholesomely.