'AITA for telling my ILs they should have been honest about my food? They let me embarrass myself.'
"AITA for telling my husband and ILs they should have been honest instead of letting me embarrass myself and make others uncomfortable?"
I grew up in a...difficult home. I grew up not eating well. I was given food that most people would NOT consider edible but I only recognized this after several years. It has impacted my ability to tell via taste. I struggle to recognize when something doesn't taste good. I'll eat something most people would be disgusted by.
I have learned how to cook as an adult and I have asked for my husband and his family to be honest if something wasn't good. They told me it was good. They have always eaten what I cook and said nice things.
My husband's parents hosted a dinner party recently and asked each kid/IL to bring a dish. I noticed right away that my dish was a struggle for other guests. It was the only one being somewhat avoided or ignored on the plates of guests...and then someone asked who the hell cooked it because they wanted to get sick. I apologized and said I had no idea it was bad.
I was a bit of a mess honestly. I took the rest of my dish up and tossed it so nobody else would (accidentally or not) grab any. A few guests apologized for not eating it and I said it was fine. I offered to let them dump it on my plate. Things grew tense. One person felt unwell after it. I felt so upset that my husband and his family placed me in that position.
They know I can't tell personally. Yet nobody said my cooking was bad or that I shouldn't bring a dish. I told them when everyone else left that they should have been honest instead of letting me embarrass myself and make others uncomfortable, because clearly people were unsure what to do about the dish I brought and were trying not to offend.
I told them I had asked for a reason. I want to learn and do better but I can't if they lie when asked. Some of my husband's siblings said I should never expect that from them and I was trying to make them behave badly. AITA?
Commenters had a lot to say about OP's quandary.
Original-Winter9334 wrote:
INFO - if you were aware of your issues with tasting food properly, why isn't it your husband who brings the dish to his own family party?
OP responded:
He has been encouraging me. He knows I have worked hard on cooking and he encourages it. His family do also. And because I do more cooking than him it was decided I'd make something. He was so supportive too. Told me it was good.
PickleNotABigDill wrote:
I'm curious why you don't use recipes that are rated. If you follow the recipes, the food will likely be palatable. There are zillions of recipes, many tried and rated, on the internet. I find it odd that someone who struggles to make palatable meals wouldn't follow a recipe. That way, spices would be balanced and edible.
OP responded:
I actually have used recipes already written out. But I clearly made mistakes without realizing. Also some use the "to taste" thing which has messed me up too.
ToplessNatureBabeOF wrote:
I wouldnt say you were the AH, but honestly you could have politely declined if you were unsure of your cooking. I would rather have someone be upset with me over not bringing a dish, then to be embarrassed like that :( But sorry you had to go through that girl!
OP responded:
I wasn't even uncertain. I thought it would be good because I believed I had been able to gain some good cooking skills. If I had any doubts beforehand I never would have. But I believed I was doing so much better.
this_platform_sucks wrote:
Based on your description of the event and of your husband and ILs, I'd say you're NTA and neither are they. Sounds like they tried to spare you the embarrassment of your dish not hitting just didn't say anything. I wouldn't even know where to begin with telling someone I loved that their cooking is bad.
Still, if they were more honest or forthcoming, then I suppose it could have all been avoided. Question OP: were you asked beforehand to bring a dish? And what exactly makes your meals unpalatable? Is it a sense of taste things, lack or too much seasoning, cultural, etc?
OP responded:
We were asked (me and my husband both) and they knew it was me cooking the dish. From what I was told some of it is seasoning and other parts are me not being able to taste if I balanced things correctly or if something has gone off... But it could be deeper too. They still didn't want to say too much.
BigBigBigTree wrote:
Almost everything that you're going to cook with is going to have more than one indicator that it's become inedible. Smell, taste, appearance, manufacturer best-by date, etc etc. INFO: What was the bad ingredient in your dish? How bad was it? How was it bad (ie, rotten produce? spoiled milk? what are we talking about here?)
OP responded:
It doesn't sound like it was a bad ingredient but badly cooked and/or seasoned this time around.
Novel-Sector-8589 wrote:
I don't understand all the people saying they were trying to spare your feelings. If someone tells you they're struggling with something and need help to improve, how is it a nice thing to then lie to them about it? That's not politeness, that's sabotage. Your family, your husband in particular, need to learn how to use their words. You are NTA.
Dizzy_Raspberry6397 wrote:
Why don't you look into lessons? or youtube some cooking lessons. What did you bring? Cooking takes practice. But if people are getting ill after eating you dish, make sure you research cross contamination and make sure you cook all your meats to the proper internal temperature. NAH.
OP responded:
I should at this point. I don't know if I can learn otherwise.
Potato salad. Nobody got sick but it was not liked at all.
Floating_Cynic wrote:
Seriously? "Trying to make them behave badly"?
Lying is behaving badly. You're NTA, and your husband is the biggest AH of them all and should've tasted it before letting you bring it.