'AITA for telling my MIL to get out of my house after she traveled 3 hours to come visit?'
"AITA for telling my MIL to get out of my house after she traveled 3 hours to come visit?"
My husband has a habit of never telling me when he is expecting guests and to be blunt, I'm tired of it. We have a 8 month old and there has been at least 15 occasions now where he has invited his mother or sister over and just not told me, starting from 4 days PP. They both live 3 hours away.
Well, my MIL showed up here on Saturday and I had just laid down with our daughter to take a nap maybe 20 minutes prior. Like, I literally just fell asleep (with my breast out, because I breastfeed) when my MIL and husband walk in to the bedroom. I wake up to my husband pulling my shirt back in to a decent position and him saying "hey, mum's here to see us."
I say "well I just got the baby down for a nap so we aren't available." He kind of whispers to me and says "babe, she just traveled 3 hours to see us. You can take a nap after she leaves." I have had the same repeated conversation with this man about my thoughts on guests when I have not been informed before hand and due to this, I got incredibly pissed off and told him to get out of the room, now.
Well, my MIL says something to the affect of "come on, up you go, I didn't travel down here for nothing" and starts pulling the blanket off me. So I snapped and said "yes you did travel down here for nothing because me and my daughter are not going to get out of bed for an unannounced guest.
Get out, now." My husband just looked embarrassed and told his mom "let's go" and pulled her out of the room as she was b$#@hing about respect and whatever else. I heard the front door slam. I went back to sleep.
I woke up an hour and a half later and my husband was sitting at the kitchen island with a pissed off look on his face and as soon as he saw me, he unleashed. Said that he can't believe I would embarrass him like that and that it's not like it would have killed me to get my ass out of bed for 30 minutes so his mother could see me and the baby.
I once again told him that unless he loops me in, I'm not open to guests. I'm done not being told what's going on and feeling like I'm in the dark in my own home. Now he swears up and down that he did tell me, when I know for an absolute fact that he did not.
He's trying to play the "she traveled 3 hours for nothing" card but I truly don't care. I was tired and I needed sleep. Visiting with an unannounced (to me) guest was not on my priority list. AITA?
Here's what commenters had to say about this one:
ApprehensiveArt3046 said:
What absolutely baffles me is that after he knows his mother is headed to your home he has literally 3 HOURS to inform you that she’s on her way. Holy smokes. NTA.
Jamey_Bonfield said:
NTA. And it's shocking how privacy in your own home has become a privilege rather than a right. Your husband needs a serious wake-up call regarding boundaries and common courtesy, not to mention respect for your time and well-being as a new mother. A simple heads-up is not a huge ask, it's basic decency. Keep standing your ground; motherhood is tough enough without having to play hostess on no notice.
Vandreeson said:
NTA. He embarrassed himself. You told him multiple times not to do this, and he did. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries and doesn't care. Do this everytime someone shows up unannounced. Her travel time is none of your concern. Especially since you were uninformed of her visit.
MyHairs0nFire2023 said:
NTA. It sounds like your husband & MIL haven’t been trained on basic respect. MIL undoubtedly KNOWS he doesn’t inform you of when he’s invited her. So it is incumbent upon her to inform you.
It would be extremely easy for her to send you a text or call & say “I’ve been invited to visit this Saturday, I should be there about noon if that’s convenient.” Yet she isn’t doing that because she doesn’t care if you want her in your home or not.
Her point blank disrespect is equally evident in her literally pulling the blanket off of you while ordering you to get up in your home is nauseating. If my MIL came into my home & bedroom unannounced & pulled the cover off me while telling me to get it, it would be the last thing she ever did in my home.
But things never should have gotten this bad. Your spineless disrespectful husband SHOULD have known better & not allowed this to get to this point where his mommy thinks she can come into your home & pull the covers off you like she would her own disrespectful teenager back in the day. YOU should have been the one that unleashed on your limp noodle husband - not the other way around.
binger5 said:
NTA. Maybe your MIL will coordinate with you in the future if she plans on making a 3 hour trip to see the baby.
Viviana_Bohlander said:
NTA. It astounds me how many people think it's okay to barge in on a new mom's few precious moments of rest. You've clearly communicated your boundaries, yet they are disregarded every time. It is not difficult to send a quick text as a heads-up for visits.
The lack of basic courtesy and respect from your husband and MIL is troubling, especially during such a taxing time as early parenthood. If setting clear and reasonable boundaries leads to this level of conflict, it might be time to consider some serious conversations about the dynamics of your relationship and household.
Your need for rest and a heads-up isn't just a preference, it's a necessity for your well-being and the well-being of your baby.