'AITA for telling my mom she should be glad my half-brother and I ignore each other instead of fighting?'
"AITA for telling my mom she should be glad that my half-brother and I ignore each other instead of fighting?"
I(18) am the product of an affair; my mom cheated on her husband with my dad. As such, I have been visiting her every other weekend for as long as I can remember. Now I obviously don’t get along with her husband, who refers to me as ‘the boy toy’s son.’ Which is kind of funny since while my dad makes less money than her he is a few years older than my mom.
I do get along fairly well with my half-sister(17) but my half-brother(15) and I don’t talk. We used to play together but that was many, many years ago. Now whenever I visit he’s watching a podcast. He ignores me so I ignore him. Each time I visit him I either read or talk to my sister.
Last weekend, my mom asked if I would ‘consider putting my sappy romances down’ and ‘try to get to know him.’ I told her I’m not interested and neither is he; I used to say hi to him when I visit but he never looks away from his screen.
I also told my mom she should be glad we ignore each other instead of fighting like many other people in similar situations. She was upset by that statement and said that because I’m older I should put in more of an effort.
The commenters had plenty to say in response.
Financial-Ad4573 wrote:
NTA and I'm sorry but, since she's older, she should put more of an effort into making her husband treat you better. She's the adult isn't she? My mom would die before letting her husband calm me anything like that. That man shouldn't be acting like that to his wife's child. She should act like a better mom to her own child before trying to force a relationship between you and your step brother.
Pillow_Princess222 wrote:
NTA. This is a good way to look at things. You and him have the right to choose how to proceed because neither of you chose to be in this situation. This outcome is the best outcome considering the situation.
07SpringFoxes wrote:
NTA - A relationship is not something that you can force, and it's something all the parties should participate in nurturing and desire to better it. It has nothing to do with age. If you wish you had a better relationship with your brother, you can try talking to him and see if there is something to be done. But if you are fine as it is, then you don't owe anyone to go out of your way to make one.
PellyCanRaf wrote:
NTA. Your mom exposing you to her adult husband's hostility is unacceptable. He stayed with her. Taking it out on you for your whole life is messed up. Next time tell her that she's lucky her son just ignores you instead of being an AH like her husband. Or tell her she's lucky you still spend time with her since she's allowed you to be the emotional scapegoat for her affair.
Ok_Passage_4262 wrote:
Oh my God even if you get along, it’s not gonna save her relationship with her son. Also, he’s 15. It is literally his full-time job to be moody right now. Let alone see a constant reminder of his mothers infidelity at a time where like boys torment each other for every possible thing that has ever happened to them in their entire lives. NTA.
themcp wrote:
No, you're right, she should be glad you're politely ignoring each other instead of fighting. At 15, he's old enough to know if he wants to spend time with you now. I encourage you not to casually write him off forever, he may in the future turn out to be a cool person that you'd enjoy talking to and spending a little bit of time together occasionally, even if it's just a friendly chat at family functions.
He's a teenage boy, he's dealing with all the stuff a teenage boy deals with. It would be okay to tell mom "he's 15, if he doesn't want to spend time with me for now that's fine, he may or may not enjoy talking with me when he's older. In the meantime, if I try to impose myself on him right now, I'm more likely to upset him and throw away any possibility of future friendliness."
Meanwhile, if mom pushes the issue, you could tell her that she created this situation, you have had to suffer through the consequences of it for your entire life, it's not your problem to make it all sweetness and light for her. Also, you're 18. If you're in the US, in 49 of 50 states you're an adult, you see her at your own whim, so if she pushes it you could tell her that she needs to stop pushing this if she wants to see you.
Medical-Potato5920 wrote:
NTA. Your mum is the one who had the affair. She can't expect that things are going to magically work out okay. I don't see how this is your problem. It is clear that he is influenced by his father's feelings. If any adult is going to change the situation, it is him. She should be talking to her husband. You are doing your best to keep the relationship civil. That's all that is required from you.
TypicalDamage4780 wrote:
Tell your Mother that communication is a two way street and your half brother has put up a permanent roadblock. Just because he is younger doesn’t mean that he gets to be the AH and you get the blame!