'AITA for telling my aunt and family that they’ve lost access to my sister?'
"AITA for telling my aunt & family that they’ve lost access to my sister?"
A few days ago, I 23F was supposed to pick up my little sister 7F (whom I have sole custody of). But my aunt 32F overstepped and said she would pick her up and drop her off to me. She took 45 minutes to do so, I live 10mins away and was only 5 away from pickup.
Fast forward to the next day, my little sister informs me that while she was with our Aunt, she saw our estranged mother whom is only allowed to be seen during supervised visits with CPS only. I texted my Aunt and asked her if it was true.
She began telling me there was “no need for me to tell you because that is her mom” and she began coming for me verbally. She said she isn’t wrong for hiding it, she invalidated how I felt, she disregarded how crucial it is for me to know these things.
The rest of my family also began to text me. My grandma even took her side. I told them that they have lost access for not understanding the sacrifices I’ve made for my sister, not understanding that I’ve committed the rest of my life to this & not respecting my wishes. AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
hBoBh wrote:
NTA, mom has COURT ORDERS about her visitation. They all just helped her break those and could get in A LOT of trouble.
OP responded:
Thanks! Thats exactly what I told them! That, I can get in trouble for their wrong doing and so can they!
Canadian_01 wrote:
NTA. Tell them that their actions could essentially mess up the entire visitation process for the mom!
Tell them that you're following the rules which are in place for a reason (whatever that is, the aunt and grandmother know damn well the problem with 'mom'), and that if under YOUR watch your sister has been allowed to see her mom unsupervised. It might even mess up your custody and put your sister's custody in jeopardy and take her away from ALL of you.
So tell them that apparently YOU'RE the only grown-up here (which is why you have custody and they dont') and that it's easy to act irresponsibly when they have NO skin in the game, no responsibility towards this child AT ALL, but because YOU bear sole responsibility for the health and welfare of your sister, YOU make the decisions and YOU abide by the rules.
Thank you for being there for her, and please seek out others in your family or a support of some kind to help you through this nightmare family you have. Your sister is lucky to have you.
OP responded:
Thank you!!! You literally touched every single point. I have never felt so seen and heard. This has been a lot on me with my family trying to make me out to be the villain so, thank you, thank you thank you.
Arakarani wrote:
NTA. Wait until CPS figures out she's seeing her child unsupervised. Hurt feelings is a lot better than being locked up.
OP responded:
Thank you!!! I only want what is best for my sister!
Ohmigoshness wrote:
NTA let me tell you something. I was hurt badly from birth to about 22 years old. Non stop everyday. Physical/emotional/mental mistreatment from both parents. I do have a slight hurt for my siblings especially the way older one, because they never did anything to stop it. They just told me that's the way it is and nothing can be done. That wasn't true something could've but they all failed me.
I now live with 28 chronic illnesses, and now at age 31 developing gastroparesis, and spinal disease. All my docs agree it's from the constant mistreatment I suffered my whole life. You're saving a whole life. Don't let anyone guilt you or make you second guess yourself! Save that child! You're amazing. Saint.
OP responded:
Thank you so much. You’re going to make me cry. Sending you love and well wishes.. Again, thank you so much.
SushiGuacDNA wrote:
NTA. You had me at "only allowed to be seen during supervised visits with CPS." Of course, your aunt and family are being AHs here, and if they can't follow a simple rule, then of course you shouldn't give them access to your sister.
I don't know the details, but it seems unlikely that CPS would put a restriction like that in place for no reason. Also, I suggest that you let CPS know what happened. Building a paper trail for things like this can often be very valuable. Keeping secrets from government agencies often ends poorly.
ZaxonsBlade wrote:
NTA. The 7-year-old was placed with a 23-year-old, not other older family. That was for a reason. The rest of the family gets no say in how you parent, and if they want to break the rules they don't get to play the game.
You're her parent now and its your job to protect her from things she is too young to protect herself from (like Mom planting seeds of hate against you, and she may believe mom because she was 'mom" first). Setting boundaries is healthy and appropriate, even with family and parents. Call CPS and report the breach.
Pandaora wrote:
NTA. They were not just interfering with your rules as her legal guardian, it sounds like they were ignoring court orders. That should be taken seriously. If you value them being in her life, you might still offer that they visit her (just no taking her unsupervised), but it doesn't sound like they even want to acknowledge overstepping.
They should understand it's not only whatever sort of danger that caused CPS to supervise visits in the first place, but also encouraging your child to take part in a lie, and any legal complications that may later cause (probably not from one visit, but if she kept up a pattern of ignoring the supervision requirement that could be a problem).
If you had a lawyer who handled the custody issues, you might want to let them know, as well as CPS.
JustJudgin wrote:
You need to contact your sister’s caseworker IMMEDIATELY. You should also contact her school and inform them of legally necessary changes to the pick-up list to ensure that only you or your trusted emergency contact can pick up kiddo.
CPS is already involved, and you need their resources and caregiver support to go after your aunt and extended family for breaking the law and endangering your sister again. Please, please do not wait.
anonymom135 wrote:
NTA at all. This is very serious and could lead to major legal problems...not to mention the emotional problems of mistrust and betrayal. Your aunt has shown she cannot be trusted and you are right to protect your sister from her and other family members taking that side.