'AITA for telling my baby sister not to introduce her boyfriend to my 4-year-old?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my baby sister not to introduce her boyfriend to my 4-year-old?"
So a few months ago, my baby sister whom is 25 years old asked if she could take my daughter for the weekend. I agreed and dropped her off at my mom’s apartment where she lives. I had recently found out she started dating a guy and before I left I asked what she had planned.
It was a week before Halloween so she stated she would take my daughter to get a costume and then they would hang out at the park and get lunch with my mom. These were normal things for them, so I said okay cool. Then she proceeded to ask me what time I was picking her up the following day, normally she wouldn’t ask.
I asked her if she needed me to pick her by a certain time and she said no...she said she had plans but my daughter could be included, now something in me said if you are planning an outing with your boyfriend please leave my daughter with mom, she then goes well mom is coming with us because he invited us to dinner.
So I said okay I’ll swing by early in the day to get her, please don’t have my daughter around people that I do not know or introduce her to your boyfriend whom I haven’t met yet and she seemed a little bothered by it. I explained why I felt the way I did and she agreed not to…but she didn’t respect my boundaries or wishes.
Not long after posting, OP shared an update.
Edit: The same night I asked her not to introduce my kid to her boyfriend, she had him over for a few hours and it was never mentioned to me. I found out because my kid slipped up and told me he got her flowers and she thought she was in trouble for telling me.
I had to ask them, I asked my mom first and she said oh yea he came over and was here for a few, she didn’t understand what the issue was and I explained it’s for safety reasons, I asked my sister and she still won’t have a conversation about with me. So yeah…
The internet had a lot to say in response.
AboutAverage404 wrote:
(Attempts to establish boundary regarding child) Sister: "Well obviously this doesn't apply to me!" OP. OP. This is..... who's kid? Your mom's? Your sister's? No. It's YOURS. Your rules, your child. At the end of the day, that's what this boils down to. NTA.
newbieneedsadivce64 wrote:
NTA. You were willing to accommodate whatever timeframe was needed to keep your child from being introduced to the boyfriend. While I don't personally see harm in the BF briefly meeting your daughter it's still your choice, period. Especially if you're flexible enough to work around their plans.
embopbopbopdoowop wrote:
Your use of ‘baby sister’ in the title took me on an interesting journey. Edited to change verdict based on update: NTA. Introducing him against your wishes is bad enough. Seemingly having told your daughter to keep it a secret is unforgivable.
Original verdict: N A H for your actual question, based on my understanding that she agreed not to introduce your child to her boyfriend. I’m missing any indication you’d told her not to do this before and she planned to go against that, but please correct me if I’m wrong.
OP responded:
The same night I asked her not to do it is the same night she had her boyfriend over and introduced him to my daughter, neither her or my mom told me. My daughter innocently turned them in by saying “mommy I got flowers from Titi’s boyfriend” a few days later.
When I tried asking my daughter if she met him she nervously laughed and said never mind mommy I forgot, my kid thought she was in trouble for saying that to me.
I had a conversation with my mother afterwards the day my daughter said that to me and that’s when my mom was like oh yea he came over the same night and spent a few hours here, she stated she didn’t understand what the big deal was and I expressed it was for safety...she’s my daughter, my sister just started dating this dude and I haven’t met him yet. I still don’t even know his name.
Remote-Physics6980 wrote:
NTA I'd say you just learned a very important lesson. Do not trust your sister with your child. Learn the lesson now and it won't turn into something tragic and horrible later, when she doesn't think it matters if the guy is high while he's driving or has a record or has three other children that he never sees.
snork13 wrote:
Please clarify what you mean with your last sentence
"I explained why I felt the way I did and she agreed not to… but she didn’t respect my boundaries or wishes."
So...did she introduce your daughter to her boyfriend or not? You say she agreed to not have her boyfriend around your daughter, then immediately state she didn't respect your boundaries or wishes - which suggests she did have her boyfriend around your daughter. NTA for not wanting your daughter around your sisters new boyfriend, before you've met him - Your child, your boundaries.
OP responded:
Correct, the same day I asked her not to is the same day she had dude over for a few hours, neither her or my mom told me, my daughter told me by accident and then I had to ask them about it.
156813 wrote:
ESH she should respect your boundaries but you're being ridiculous. Either you trust your mom and sister to take good care of your kid or you don't. Would you be pissed if your mom ran into a friend at the store and introduced your daughter?
Would you be mad if your daughter played with gasp a strange child at the park and interacted with that kids parents? Pre-school? What are you going to do at kinder next year?
Forbid her from talking to the lunch ladies and the gym coach until you've met them? Unless you have reason to be suspicious of this dude or reason to think your sister is leaving your daughter alone with him, you need to wake up and realize that you don't get to control every single person your kid interacts with unless you are the person with your kid 24/7.
lydocia wrote:
"I explained why I felt the way I did and she agreed not to… but she didn’t respect my boundaries or wishes."
What did she do after you stated your boundaries? How did she not respect them?
OP responded:
The same day I asked her not to she had him over for a few hours and never told me that she had him over, my daughter innocently told on her and then I had to ask my mom about it because my sister would admit to it.
k23_k23 wrote:
YTA. ALL your babysitters will meet people and not isolate with your kid, That's an unreasonable demand.
"She didn’t understand what the issue was" how could she?
"And I explained it’s for safety reasons I asked my sister and she still won’t have a conversation about with me." Don't expect her to have a conversation with you anytime soon. And don't expect any more babysitting. You MASSIVELY insulted her by telling her that her bf can not be trusted around your child. The only reasonable solution to comply with your request is to remove you and your child from her life.