Okay so here’s the situation. I (24F) found out I’m pregnant a few weeks ago, and to be honest, I’m not ready to have a kid. Like, AT ALL. I’m still in school, working part-time, and barely making ends meet. I’m on birth control, but I guess it failed. My boyfriend (26M) and I have only been together for about 8 months, and while I care about him, we’re not in some perfect, fairy-tale relationship or anything.
When I told him I was pregnant, he completely freaked out. At first, I thought he’d be relieved because we’ve both talked about not being ready for kids, but instead, he was like, “You can’t just get rid of it. That’s our baby.” I was shocked because this is the same guy who said he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted kids at all.
I told him straight up that I was planning to get an appointment because I don’t want to bring a child into this world when I’m not financially or emotionally ready. He started yelling about how I was “k--ling his child” and how he has a say in this too. He even accused me of being “heartless” and said I was just doing it because I didn’t care about him or his feelings.
Now he’s been trying to guilt-trip me nonstop. He told his mom about it (which I think is SO out of line), and now she’s blowing up my phone, calling me a murderer and saying I’m going to regret this for the rest of my life. I told him it’s MY body and MY choice, and he said, “Well, it’s my baby too, so I should get a say.” I feel like I’m being manipulated.
I know what’s best for me and my future, and I don’t think it’s fair for him to try and force me into something I don’t want. But now some of my friends are saying I’m being too cold and that I should’ve been more “sensitive” when I told him. Like, sorry, but how do you delicately say, “I don’t want to have your baby?” AITA for standing my ground and saying I’m getting a termination no matter what he says?
BeautifulParamedic55 wrote:
Run girl run. You can even get the abortion in secret and tell him you miscarried due to all the stress him and his mom placed on you. Might (hopefully) shut them up and make them leave you alone.
Darlingpetalwhisper wrote:
No, you’re NTA. It’s your body and your decision, and you’re standing firm in what you believe is best for your future. It’s incredibly important to prioritize your own well-being and what you’re able to handle emotionally and financially, especially when you’re not ready to have a child.
Your boyfriend and his family are trying to guilt-trip you into feeling bad for making a choice that’s ultimately yours to make. The fact that your boyfriend suddenly changed his stance on having kids and is now trying to manipulate you into keeping the pregnancy is unfair to you.
It’s also deeply inappropriate for him to involve his mom in such a personal matter. It’s understandable that this is a difficult conversation, but you’ve already made it clear what you need to do for your own life, and you shouldn’t feel bad for making a decision that aligns with your values and what you feel is best for you.
Lambsenglish wrote:
You shouldn’t even be asking the question. It’s your body, not his. Pregnancy is a medical condition until you bring a child to term. A child would be his too, but a pregnancy is yours alone. Do not make the horrific error of changing your mind because you’ve been pressured into it. Other men are available.
Unencumbered_chipmunk wrote:
Is there a chance he tampered with your birth control? This is a very intense reaction.
Get the ab-rtion NOW- as in yesterday, my dear- and get far away from these people. NTA. Do you have a good support system?
Away_wave-2044 wrote:
Just leave and cut contact with him. Do what you need to do. He showed his true colors. He would rather let his mommy fight his battles than have a reasonable discussion with the person he expects to be the mother of his child. This isn’t changeable behavior. It’s childish.
western_fuzzy wrote:
Look, while is opinion matters somewhat…he’s not the one who is going to have to carry the baby to gestation, put life on hold, be 100% on the hook to presumably pay for pre and post-natal care, go through labour, and ultimately push an entire human out of an orifice.
It sounds like you know exactly the decision that’s best for you. And ultimately, this dude has no commitment to you. Any that come after you told him are probably just persuasion tactics.
Regular_giraffe7022 wrote:
NTA. Yes the baby may be 50% his DNA, but it will have to grow in and be born out of your body. You'll end up doing most of the caring for them, you'll suffer career wise. So ultimately your decision!
I wouldn't stay with such a rubbish partner.
perpetuallyxhausted wrote:
You don't say it delicately you say "I'm not ready to put my body through 9-10 months of torture, followed by a very painful conclusion just for your comfort." It is not a baby, it's an idea of a baby.
It's a bundle of cells that you are under NO obligation to even consult him on what the next immediate steps should be. If you had been prepared to carry it to term, THEN he could be brought into the conversation but at this point his options are to support you in your decision or to leave. NTA.