Whenever my brother (27M) needs help, I take care of his two kids (4F and 6M). Even though I love my niece and nephew, New Year's Eve was the last blow for me. My brother and his wife asked me to watch their kids while they went to a fancy New Year's party. Friends begged me to go with them even though I already had plans with other people.
They said they couldn't find anyone else. It was even an offer to pay me twice what I normally get, so I reluctantly agreed. They were supposed to come back at 1 a.m., so I could still hang out with my friends late at night. However, they did not show up at midnight. I texted, called, and even tried calling the party location, but no one answered.
They finally got in around 4AM, and it was clear they were dr-nk. They pretended it wasn't a big deal. My brother laughed when I told him how upset I was that they had left me all night and said, "You didn't have anything important going on anyway."
That hurt a lot. I told him they could no longer have me watch if they couldn't respect my plans or time. It's making my brother mad, and he says I'm being too tough.
AITA because she wouldn't watch after this?
Quiet-Patient5458 wrote:
NTA at all. You made plans with friends before you had to change them to help your brother out. It sounds like they take advantage of you always being there for them. This is a wake-up call people need. Your time is valuable, and if they can't respect that, then they need to find other accommodations.
OP responded:
It really does feel like they take my help for granted. I hope this sets a boundary because my time deserves respect too.
Sue_Donhim wrote:
NTA. Not only are they disrespectful of boundaries, they're dismissive of you, take you for granted, and feel entitled to dump their kids on you. Stick to your guns and say "no more."
OP responded:
I’m definitely sticking to my decision this time.
Naraic wrote:
NTA.
You could have phoned the p-lice that the children were abandoned with you and I'd still say NTA.
OP responded:
I didn’t even think of that, but honestly, the way they acted made me feel completely disregarded. It’s good to know others see how unfair this was.
Ohmsway_71 wrote:
NTA. Absolutely not. They have been taking advantage of you, and b-llying you to meeting their needs. They clearly have very little respect for your time. They are being self centered right now. They are going to come at you with how hard it is to be a parent and how you just don’t understand. How can YOU be so selfish.
Don’t fall for any of it. It is all tactics used to manipulate you so that they can get what they want. Stand firm. If you never want to watch them again, don’t. They will figure it out. They will be mad for awhile, but they will get past it. If you do want to, but actually want boundaries, you can try something like…
“I had plans that I was excited about. I gave them up so that you two could have a night with the agreement that I would be able to catch the tail end of the party that I missed for you. You not only did not bother to come home on time, but you completely disregarded me or what we had agreed on.
"You went no contact, came home and blew me off. You have forgotten that what I do for you is a favour, not my responsibility. You are treating me like I am not important and what I need has no real value because you and your needs are more important than mine."
"Until you can apologize for treating me with such little respect on New Years, I will not be watching the kids. If you want to apologize and recognize that I am helping you because I chose to, not out of obligation, we can try again, so long as I am respected and shown gratitude. Entirely up to you.“
Then I would leave it. It is up to them. If anyone brings it up, you have the same response on repeat, every time…
“They were super late on new years and ruined my plans. I have simply asked for an apology and a thanks for babysitting. I don’t not believe that is asking too much, so I’m going to wait for that. That is really the only thing stopping this from being over. “
If it is either of them, you just change the first word you “You” and you are good to go. But don’t back down. Don’t get caught up in the emotion of it. Stay steady. Be super repetitive in your response.
You deserve to be respected. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Any guilt you start to feel is them manipulating you. It’s not real. Guilt only comes when you do something that does not align with your values. Like if you had screamed at the kids. You would, rightfully, feel guilty for doing so. What they do to try and get their way is trying to generate guilt. Don’t let them.
MidwestPanic69 wrote:
NTA, they're taking advantage of your time (even though you're being paid) because as a single person and family member they feel they can monopolize your time since you don't have kids and don't know what it's like.
That said, ignore them and let them cancel their own plans next time and when they ask why you couldn't help it's a perfect time to drop "you didn't really have anything going on anyway." Your brother won't like it, but game should recognize game.