'AITA for telling my co-worker her kids are none of my business? She asked to switch time off.'
"AITA for telling my co-worker her kids are none of my business?"
School holidays are coming up and I have a co-worker panicking, as she left it too late to book vacation slots. My company had a rule where no more than 3 workers can leave at the same time for vacation. I already filled in my vacation slot months ago as I haven’t taken any in nearly a year. I’m single and unmarried and in my 30s.
Company HR told my co-worker that her only way to get her vacation is to get one of us who already had our vacation time approved to ‘trade with her’. And considering out of the three of us whose vacations were approved, I am the only female, guess who my co-worker approached for the trade?
She tried explaining (gently at first) that her kids (6 and 4 years of age apparently) were really looking forward to going to Disneyland and that everything is already booked, and if I can give up my vacation spot to her. I told her no, as I too already had my vacation booked (it’s a solo vacation but I’m not about to tell her that).
She got real pushy and kept on trying to insist I give her my vacation spot, saying that “My kids would be so disappointed." I blew up at her after the fourth or fifth time, telling her that her “kids being disappointed” is none of my business.
I didn’t exactly keep my voice down so at least half the office heard, and my co-worker turned red and left. One of my co-workers (25M) who sat to my side who had heard the entire conversation later told me that while he get where I’m coming from, I could be a lot gentler, and “I didn’t get how hard mothers get it." AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Altruistic-Fail5634 wrote:
NTA, I am also child free by choice and arrange my vacations very early to make sure they are approved. Her inability to manage her life is not your problem to fix. Also, who makes reservations for a vacation before they have the time off approved. Coworker sucks, enjoy your vacay- ps.
Solo travel is just as valid as family travel and supports local economies in ways that family business does not. As someone whose work depends on travel and hospitality, this is a huge thing, actually. Are you comfortable sharing any exciting plans for YOUR vacay? Don't let the haters get you down.
OP responded:
Nah, just a very relaxing trip at a resort at Bali, with snorkeling and sightseeing. I haven’t been there since I was 18.
hospicedoc wrote:
I guess the other two coworkers also told her 'no', and she took that as their final answer. She needs to give you the same respect. NTA.
OP responded:
From what I know she didn’t even ask them as both of them are men. I work in the creative industry, and while the two guys are very nice people, they’re full of tattoos so my co-worker likely is too intimidated by them to even ask.
Library_wench wrote:
NTA. Your coworkers obviously “don’t get” what it’s like to be the childfree woman and thus be expected to alter your plans and twist yourself into a pretzel to please kids you’ve never met and adults who can’t plan ahead. I wonder why your 25M coworker didn’t volunteer to give her HIS vacation spot… 🤔
OP responded:
He’s not one of those that applied for vacation.
Maleficent_set6014 wrote:
NTA. I get that parents are limited in when they can take their kids on holiday and have childcare etc to manage but she should have been more organised and booked the dates earlier. You should not be expected to cancel or rearrange your holiday because she failed to plan properly.
Hauntedgatorfarm wrote:
I once asked a coworker if he would be willing to permanently switch one shift with me because I was tired of working on the weekends. He told me no. About a week later, I asked him again and he calmly said, “Man, I really don’t know what to say because you asked me this question already and I said no. I just don’t know what else I can do. It’s awkward to have you asking me again and again.”
I felt really stupid. It was a real wake up call for me. It’s f#$ked up to try to manipulate people through attrition and it’s completely inappropriate in a workplace.
Shanstergoodheart wrote:
NTA you booked it, you should not have to rearrange your organisation because she planned poorly. You book the time off first and then the actual holiday. That said as a childless woman planning a solo vacation, I have no idea why you want to go during the summer holidays.
One of the bonuses of not having children is being able to go on cheaper holidays when they are in school. Due to other things I'm doing in the year, I have to take my holiday in the first week of the summer holidays and I am genuinely furious about it.
OP responded:
There are certain tours in Bali that only happens around June-July.
chocolatelover4ever wrote:
NTA. Ignore her and your co worker. Her kids are none of your business. I hate parents that seem to think having kids entitles them to get whatever they want over childless people. And they use their kids to try and get whatever they want but guilt tripping people.
Go enjoy your vacation. She can use this as a way to start teaching her kids that you don’t always get what you want in life. And it's her fault for promising the kids something before she was 100% she could make it happen.
OP responded:
And to be honest, from my understanding her kids are 6 and 4. I doubt they’re even old enough to even remember or enjoy. My parents didn’t take me and my brother to Disney until I was 9 and my brother 13, and even then, I didn’t exactly enjoy my entire time there due to the heat.
Forward_Excuse_6133 wrote:
NTA her failure to plan is not your emergency. My first thought was “Why in the world would she book a trip before she ensured she could get the time off at work?” Chances are she id frustrated with herself and the consequences she will have to deal with. That is probably why she got so pushy.
On the flip side, can your vacation be rescheduled for a few weeks later without an economic impact to you? It is hard to schedule things around work and school both. If you can’t, I totally understand. If you can I would encourage you to consider it. It never hurts to build up some good karma.
OP responded:
No. Rooms and tours at Bali are already booked. I would be forfeiting it all with no refunds if I do.