'AITA for telling my daughter’s grandparents to stop giving her arm floaties in the pool?'
"AITA for telling my daughter’s grandparents to stop giving her arm floaties and goggles in the pool?"
My (24F) daughter (4F) goes to her grandparents house everyday that she’s with her dad so they can watch her to babysit while her dad works They put arm floaties and goggles on her when she gets in the pool and watch her from outside the pool.
I told them to stop putting them on her, because she is in swim classes and it causes delays and regressions in her skills and causes her to swim with unnatural skills. They told me it’s okay, it’s safer and they feel more comfortable having her in the pool that way.
I told them I take her to swim every week, and I see her regressing and struggling to be comfortable in the pool now without floaties or goggles when she normally is a very strong swimmer for her age and I’m not really asking.
Her swimming instructor also agreed that using these can cause a regression in her swimming skills. She said they don’t get in the pool and reiterated they feel more comfortable when she has these things with her.
I said they should be in the pool with her regardless and either they can do that or I’d prefer her not to be in their pool unless she can be free in the pool with no goggles or floaties and she’ll have to wait until I or her father can be in the pool with her. They said I’m being unreasonable and that they will put her in the pool and I’m being unfair and they’re just trying to be safe.
I said they’re going to cause safety issues in the long run if she finds herself in a position where she falls in a pool or something similar and can’t get herself out because her skills have regressed. They’re calling me overdramatic, and her father is getting mad at me as well. AITA?
Not long after post, OP shared an update.
ETA: I’m reading some of your comments and I do agree saying no goggles is definitely excessive, I’m honestly more set on no floaties. Both her grandparents and swim instructor have chlorine free pools.
ETA: In commenting about the goggles again so I’m not constantly repeating myself, the goggles were a slight issue for me because her instructor discourages them for children learning to swim so that they are not afraid to open their eyes in water and see where they’re going. This is a class that is made to stress safety and not stress competitive sports.
The commenters had lots to say in response.
PhysicsTeachMom wrote:
Why don’t you buy a swim vest without arm floats? It’s better than floaties and will keep her safe. I wouldn’t like them not being in the pool with her but as a divorced mom I also know it’s likely out of your control.
TheMothersOfFlaggons wrote:
They are using the floaties in lieu of proper supervision. I would not be comfortable with my four year old swimming without adequate supervision. You are NTA but you have a choice to make since they’ve shown they are not going to follow your instructions with regard to your child: are you going to allow them to do what they want or are you going to find alternative childcare arrangements?
PuzzleheadedRoyal559 wrote:
This must be your first time with grandparents who think they know more than you. Get used to it and pick your battles carefully as long as you need their help. You’re NTA, but don’t expect much to change, no matter what you say.
OP responded:
I actually dealt with my mom constantly pushing my boundaries and now she isn’t allowed alone with my daughter. My problem here is these are her grandparents on her fathers side so I feel I don’t have much control over the results of this.
Artblock_Insomniac wrote:
NTA, and as a professional lifeguard instructor for almost 10 years I want to make it very clear that arm floaties (specifically those WITHOUT the chest piece) are NOT LIFE SAVING DEVICES. They are made to assist weak swimmers WITH ACTIVE SUPERVISION.
A child SHOULD NEVER be in a pool unattended and if they refuse to follow that rule then there should be ZERO pool time. Non-negotiable. The shortest recorded drowning happened just under 10 seconds. They went from perfectly fine to clinically dead in that time frame. Pool supervision is a REQUIREMENT.
hubertbrunette wrote:
I'm on your side about the floaties being bad, but obviously her grandparents are going to keep doing it. You have two choices--don't send your daughter over there (she goes there only if you're with her), or you let them put floaties on her. There are some people you can't talk out of a bad decision.
OP responded:
Yeah true. It’s just frustrating spending hundreds of dollars a year teaching her a life saving skill and it going down the drain because her grandparents can’t be bothered to get in the pool with her and stay by her side to make sure nothing happens.
RightLocal1356 wrote:
NTA. It sounds like you’re not with her father anymore. Are the two of you on good terms? Because his parents might respond better if it came from him. Have you told him what her swim instructor said? If you can convince him, then getting him to talk to his parents would be the best approach.
OP responded:
We’re on okay terms, he honestly would probably side with them. But I’m definitely going to bring it up, maybe I’ll invite one of them to her next class so they can hear it from the instructor themselves.
Trifecta_life wrote:
NTA if they won’t go in, pool is simply banned. Where I am it’s under-5s in arms reach and under-10 in line of sight of an adult at all times, even in public pools. I’d also suggest grandparents coming to a couple of swimming lessons to see/hear the impact in a different setting. they’re not going to listen to you. They probably need to hear it from someone else.