I'm going to keep this backstory real short since it is complicated and confusing. My DIL, Sara, is close to my daughters kids (2 and 4). My daughter, Maddie, lost custody and I have custody now.
My son isn’t around much due to his job and can be away for months at a time. There are respectable job and not respectable jobs. My DIL doesn’t have a respectable job, she works at a call center trying to scam people. According to her, she is looking for a new job but she has been saying that for a year.
This is the first time she asked to see the kids. I told her I will not allow her to be near them until she gets a respectable job. That her morals suck and I have told her before to get a respectable job. That they are young children I don’t want them around her.
This started an argument and her calling me a jerk for keeping the kids away from her. My son is on me about it. Since I wasn’t clear enough, she steals peoples' bank info, I have reported it, and it keeps popping back up. My daughter did nothing wrong and doesn’t have custody because she is injured and can’t take care of them.
NTA - well what you described her job as, is illegal. So I don't think calling it not “respectable” really covers it.
...Well that's what I get for not reading to the end. Nta. Good job. Respectable is a poor framing though. "You will be welcome in my house when you are no longer professional defrauding ppl."
NTA, I wouldn’t let anyone that tries to scam people near my kids either. That type of person with those moral will never be near my kids. Same with people’s who are discriminator, these types of moral are to be no where near my kids.
I was prepared to say YTA because people are oftentimes a lot more than just the work they do. But taking part in an activity that actively involves defrauding people crosses a line for me. I'd personally have been less charitable and phrased it as "until you stop stealing, you don't get to see the kids." NTA.
I’m concerned that you might be operating on bad facts. If you’ve reported her employer to the police, but the business is still operating, maybe they aren’t doing anything illegal. I’d suggest taking a hard look at why you’re withholding access to her.
Is it the job or is a deeper issue that you see in her. You could be picking up that she’s a bad influence overall or it could be nothing. Ask yourself some hard questions, but sometimes it comes down to your gut instinct and that’s alright.
NTA, going by your expanded explanation of what that call center does she is a literal criminal. You are completely within your rights to not want a criminal around young children who are in your custody.