'AITA for telling my father that if he hadn't cheated he'd still be with my mother?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my father that if he hadn't cheated he'd still be with my mother?"

Long story short when I was ten my parents got divorced due to my father cheating with some women at his office, after the divorce my father got married to that same woman, and they had my half siblings. In the divorce, my mother gained primary custody of me and my father would visit on the weekends and would sometimes pick me up.

I wouldn't lie I never liked my stepmother not one bit she was the reason my parents left, and I also blame my father too, so anything I would stay at my father's house, I would also get into a lot of fights with her and even after my half siblings came this woman got more bitter towards me.

To the real story, my mother started to date this guy named Chuck and things were getting really serious between them, he would spend the nights over, and he is always nice, so I kinda like him. Two weeks ago my father was dropping me back home, and he saw Chuck leaving the house, and he started throwing a whole set of questions.

[Who is that]-Father

[Oh moms new bf]-Me

[Oh I didn't know she was dating]-Father

[Oh for real, he is nice, and I kinda approve of him so]-Me

And many others so after the question he left, and I thought it was over but four days ago I was over by my father for dinner.

I was telling him about something about moms work and somehow the conversation changed to him asking about Chuck again, and I was giving him short answer. Like he was getting angry cause of my hesitant answers, and he yelled that I wasn't telling him everything and how could my mother date.

I was dumbfounded, and I yelled back why he was so concerned about her personal life it's not like they were together anymore. Then he said some nonsense about safety and I may have been wrong about this, I said if he hadn't cheated on her maybe he and her would still be together.

We continued back and forth until I was told to leave, which I did, since then I haven't spoken to my father. I have gotten a few calls from my stepmother saying that I had no right saying those things to my father, and he was looking out for my safety. I just wanted to know if I was an a** for saying that.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

BigNathaniel69 wrote:

NTA, ohh I so so hope your stepmom was there to hear how interested and “concerned” (jealous) your dad was in your mom’s new bf. Maybe you should bring it up again in front of her? And the audacity of that man to be angry when he literally cheated on her. Sorry but your dad is kind of a clown lmao, but I think you already know that.

CyberArwen1980 wrote:

NTA, your dad shouldn't ask anything about your mom, it's not his business anymore. Try to be as civil as you can when you are with your dad and when law allows you stay with your mom, better for your mental health.

jersey8894 wrote:

NTA. My sister got divorced about 6 years ago. Her husband was cheating, married the other woman 2 months after the divorce and they now have two kids. My sister got engaged on Valentines day. Her ex is freaking out! How dare she move on "so fast"! Dude you're married with two more kids two months after the divorce was final but 6 years is too fast???

quent_hand wrote:

Your dad hasn’t been worried about your safety since he got with his wife, so he needs to F off!

Ten days later, OP shared an update.

Hello everyone I came back to give a little update, well after the incident with my father I told my mother, and she was upset about the questioning and him putting me out after the argument and if he had any problem with my safety he should have come to her.

And she kinda scolded me for yelling back at him.

To the actual part of the update yesterday: my father came over at the behest of my mother because she wanted to talk.

First she sat me down with him, to let us know t it was safe for me to be around Chuck, because she and Chuck work together. She told my father if he had any concerns he should have brought it up to her rather that question me for answers. She said whoever she dates or have romantically involved with isn't any of his business.

Cause other than a co-parenting relationship anything she does outside doesn't concern him or anyone else, I was made to apologize to my father for yelling at him.

My father seems to be cool with everything my mother was saying. My mother also told him to let his wife never call or text if it's not some emergency and not to entire their co-parenting relationship, which she has no part being in. I could see my father didn't like this, but his comments were quickly shut down.

I saw a few comments I would like to address fully understand what some people were saying about him generally worrying about me being safe, cause I would too if a random adult man was spending the night in the same house with my 16-year-old son. Because I can say my father would d*e before any happens to me.

Secondly some were saying that he was jealous, well I can't say for sure if he was but some of the questions he had asked me hinted at a jealousy vide, and I'm fully aware when he saw my mother and Chuck something click for him.

For example:

*How often would he spend the night?

*Where would he sleep or is he sleeping in your mother's bedroom?

*How often does he take your mother out?

*Does he help with anything in the house?

*Do they sleep together when he is over?

And more personal questions I wouldn't want to repeat.

I'm currently packing to spend a few days with him at my mother's behest. But thank you for your comments and thoughts.

Here's what people had to say after the update:

Cybermagetx wrote:

Sorry your mom is wrong here. Being your father doesn't mean he is entitled to a relationship with you. Especially with how he acted and treated you, he should be LC for now till he can prove it wasn't the new norm.

Mental-woodpecker300 wrote:

It's just so weird and inappropriate to ask you about your mom sleeping with her partner and the frequency. Like seriously. Glad she had a mature conversation with him but still...that's so invasive and wrong to drag the child into that kind of stuff, regardless of age.

UnCommonTomatillo wrote:

I honestly don't know if would still be talking to my dad if he pulls some s**t like this. His mask slipped for a second in front of you. The questions he asked you show how controlling/manipulating he really is. He's acting like he owns her or something.

Dramatic_Exchange_767 wrote:

I cant believe he asked about your mom's bedroom life. Like, your are a child, HIS CHILD! Of course he is a jealous AH! I'm glad your mom put him in his place. I hope this situation doesnt repeat anymore. Good luck!