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'AITA for telling my deadbeat father's wife and daughter to leave me the hell alone?'

'AITA for telling my deadbeat father's wife and daughter to leave me the hell alone?'

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"AITA for telling my deadbeat father's wife and daughter to leave me the f--k alone?"

My "dad" walked out on me and my mom when I (19M) was a baby. He didn't pay child support, didn't ever see me, didn't show up at court at any point, and he never reached out to me.

I always had questions about him but my mom was always way too nice about it until I turned 18 and she laid it all out for me. She even showed me the file she had for court that showed all the times he didn't show, how much money he owed, the fact she chased after child support for years but he always found a way to avoid paying.

For six years she tried to chase him through court until she gave up the fight and let the debt compile because it was costing her money and was taking from her ability to support us. He was the truest definition of a deadbeat. And I have nothing good to say and no interest in establishing a relationship of any kind.

In September I got a friend request from this woman on Facebook. We had no friends in common so I ignored it. Then I rejected it. She sent it again and so I accepted because I found it weird. A day later a request came from a girl and I rejected that but just like the other account she sent it again. I saw they were friends so I left it ignored.

Then a DM came from the account I had accepted the request from. Turns out this was my deadbeat father's wife and oldest daughter. They wanted to find me because they felt I should know my family and how I was now old enough to decide for myself. I told them I wasn't interested and to please leave me alone.

I unfriended the wife and blocked both accounts and went private. But my Facebook is linked to my Instagram and the daughter tried to reach me there. She said I didn't know the truth and deserved it and how she and her siblings always wanted to know their older brother and how her whole family were hoping we could all come together as a family.

I blocked her there and ignored it. The daughter found another account of mine on another platform and has pestered me there ever since. It's constant new accounts and I have reported some. I tried replying once more saying I'm sorry she got her hopes up but I'm not interested.

The next day I had messages from both mother and daughter saying my mom was the reason I didn't know my deadbeat father and how she was abusive and awful and he had to leave and he hated walking away but she was dangerous and awful to be around and I deserved to know the kind of thing I was raised by, and yeah his daughter called my mom a thing.

I responded that they were making a lot of accusations and defending him so much but he left me with a supposedly ab-sive mother and made no attempt to save me from it in 19 years and that it tells me all I need to know about that man. I said once again they needed to leave me alone and I wasn't going to have a relationship with any of them.

I thought they were finally going to leave me alone. But then before Christmas I got a looong message from the two of them that basically gave me this sob story of a man who loved me but feared my life would be worse if he stayed and I'd be ab-sed worse and how he hoped my mom would ab-se me less if he wasn't around.

I didn't even address the rest. I told them to leave me the f--k alone before I go to the police for har-ssment and I told them I would if they pushed it. The wife flipped out on me and said how dare I speak to them in such an abusive way and clearly I'm my mother's son. She told me I should be ashamed speaking to a teenager that way who did nothing but try to love me.

She is so pissed that I had to turn my phone off because I kept getting notified of all these messages (and I tried to stop them contacting me there but the feature to stop them seems to be wonky on my account). I did go to the police but I need to keep all of them going forward to make a case for anything. What I had wasn't enough. So yeah. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

aeroeagleAC wrote:

He left because she was ab-sive, but never paid child support, presumably get paid under the table to avoid getting garnished, and has never actually reached out himself? Yeah, he is full of s--t.

OP responded:

Correct. Didn't even reach out when they found me online.

orange_lover444 wrote:

NTA. You stated your boundaries and they should respect them because at the end of the day you get the last say not them. You should just block them everywhere and put this behind you because they have no right to disrespect you like that.

ScifiEmma wrote:

So he chose to leave you with a terrible ab-sive mother instead of taking you to safety? Come on. Does he not see how that's worse?

OP responded:

None of them do. I was meant to feel bad for him.

Victor-Grimm wrote:

NTA-File for harassment and then get the court stuff from your mom showing he failed to pay 18 years of child support. Say once that is paid in full then you can talk.

OP responded:

I can't yet. I don't have enough evidence. The authorities said to come back when I have that.

l3ex_g wrote:

NTA I would look into any services that will help you go after him for the back child support. Maybe you can get his license taken away or his wages garnished since he wants to har-ss you through his wife and kid.

OP responded:

Even if it's not him leading this I have talked to my mom about trying. We both agree either he f--ked himself over or his wife and their daughter did but either way we don't care and he needs to pay now.

JTBlakeinNYC wrote:

NTA. Retired attorney here. My guess is that they want you to sign off on forgiving your father’s child support debt. It isn’t dischargable in bankruptcy and cannot legally be waived by the custodial parent on the child’s behalf because the right to support belongs to the child, not the parent.

Some states allow adult children to sue noncustodial parents for child support arrears; I would contact the child support enforcement office in your jurisdiction to see if you can make a claim.

OnlyThePhantomKnows wrote:

NTA. If a set of strangers demanded that you become friends with them, would you feel bad for telling them to go away? This smells like a "let's be friends, now that we are friends can you rescue me from this disaster" thing.

Tell them you will meet with them, if your dad pays with certified check to your mom ALL of the child support owed, plus all the legal fees she wracked up BEFORE the meet. If it is important to him, he has a path to prove that he is sincere. And I am sure you can suck it up for a few hours and talk to these people to help your mom out.

Sources: Reddit
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