'AITA for telling my fiancé that his sister can’t come to our wedding?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my fiancé that his sister can’t come to our wedding?"
I’m (26F) getting married to my (28M) fiancé in April. We’ve had a beautiful relationship for 5 years, the only real problem is his family. My MIL is a little controlling and FIL is textbook conservative, but overall we have a pretty good relationship.
The real problem is his sister (32). She has been in and out of rehab since she was 17, and went to prison for 3 years (i think) for drug related charges in her 20s. She’s been clean for 2 years now. I mention this because it becomes relevant later.
I do not have any issue with her past, it is how she acts now. She constantly trying to get in between me and my fiancés relationship, stirring problems by making up random things about me. (I was cheating, that I tried to steal things from her, etc.) I’ve mentioned this to my fiancé and he always tells me to “ignore her” and she is just “protective of him.”
About a week ago I invited my fiancés family over for a dinner so we can discuss the wedding. The entire dinner she was making jokes about how I needed to lose weight for the wedding, how she was going to show up in white, spill things on me. Basically everything someone can do to ruin someone’s wedding.
This is not the first time she’s done this either, even since the announcement she’s been making side comments about me and the jokes about ruining the day. I didn’t say anything in response to her and just threw out a couple fake laughs as i didn’t want to cause any problems.
After they left i was talking to my fiancé on how her comments made me uncomfortable and they were uncalled for. He immediately defend her saying that she is just trying to get closer to me and it’s not her fault we don’t have the same sense of humor. I told him those aren’t the type of jokes you make to a future bride as they honestly just stressed me out. he kept defending her and the conversation turned into an argument after I said I don’t want someone like that at my wedding to cause unnecessary stress.
He accused me of being judgmental of her past and her history with drugs is the reason i didn’t want her there. It absolutely is not the reason i really could not care about her history with drugs, I’m glad she’s clean now but that’s really the extent of my opinion on her past.
After he said this I told him if she continues to makes “jokes” like this she is not welcome at the wedding. He ended up telling his parents and sister about this and now they all three keep texting me and calling me saying nasty things about me.
That I’m a controlling bride that can’t handle a joke and that I hate my SIL because she’s an addict. AITA for saying my SIL is uninvited from the wedding if she keeps making “jokes” about ruining the wedding day.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ChrisEye21 said:
NTA. But not very smart if you dont call off this wedding. You really want to have a lifetime of dealing with these people? And a husband who will always defend them?
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
NTA but are you sure you want to marry this weak man. He is unable or unwilling to stand up to his sister and mother. If you do decide to cancel/postpone tell them this whole jealousy thing is emotionally incestuous and is freaking you out. Sweetly ask if this is at the root of her problems. Then tell them it is just a joke and walk away.
Good_Ad6336 said:
NTA. When people show you who they are, believe them. What your future SIL is doing is not funny. And instead of having your back your partner is disregarding your feelings. If things don’t change before the wedding they definitely won’t change after.
Warm-Ganache-1337 said:
Nta she’s 32 years old there’s no excuse for that behavior. Your fiancé needs to put that in check no reason you should be dealing with that behavior.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. But why are you even considering marrying into this family? Love does NOT conquer all no matter how many ridiculous Hollywood romantic fantasies you've seen. End this relationship today.
Asleep_Koala_3860 said:
NTA. But you will be if you marry this jerk that doesn't have your back. Do you want your life to be like this?
UPDATE:
This all happened about a week ago, I finally almost exploded with everything i turned to reddit. In that week i hadn’t really brought it up to my fiancé. Until I saw these comments. You are all absolutely right he always defends his sister and i don’t know why I thought this would change.
I told him this basically that I can’t be with someone let alone marry them if they’re not going to have my back, and run to mommy and daddy with our private conversations. He naturally heard all of this and defended his family AGAIN, not even trying to see my easy to understand point of view.
He’s sleeping on the couch, I told him i’m holding off the wedding (not a huge deal as we haven’t put down any big deposits down). He whined basically like a child telling me that we have to get married and I “already said yes” but didn’t argue with the couch sleeping so he probably understands he’s at least somewhat in the wrong. I’ll update more later. thank you all so much, made me realize how much a whining B he can be.