'AITA for telling my friend's dad not to walk into my house uninvited?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my friend's dad not to walk into my house uninvited?"

I (17f) and my friend (17f) hung out like we normally do at my house. She use to drive herself over, but she hit a deer and totalled her car (she was okay). Friend's dad drops and picks her up now, which was totally fine at first. He does this thing - that I think is weird - where he will walk her up to the door, and walk up to the door to pick her up. This was also fine, it may be weird but harmless.

Recently, he's been rude (in my opinion). He picked up Friend and instead of doing the normal thing of knocking on the door and waiting for us to answer, he just walked in. Now, Friend just walks into my house but she has complete permission, her father does not. I talked to my mom about it the first time and she also thought it was very weird.

Just earlier today he came to get her, and he walked into my house. I said something along the lines of, "did you just walk in?? Did you even knock?" He said we don't respond when he knocks, so I said back that he could've texted or called, which he said we never reply. Not only is that not true, but he has the ability to ping her phone through parental controls.

Now he says I'm getting too defensive about him walking in and says we're doing something we shouldn't be, but truly I just think it's weird and rude to walk into someone's house, not to mention a safety hazzard, without them opening the door for you when you don't have permission. He told Friend he didn't trust her further and he is obviously now iffy about her coming over here.

Very luckily if he doesn't allow her to come over we only have a few more monthsountil we're adults, but it would really suck. I don't know what to say or do anymore, but I don't think it's right on many levels to just walk into my house, not even my house but my mother's house. TL;DR: Friend's helicopter dad walked into my house uninvited and without knocking, and thinks I'm too defensive about it.

The internet had a lot of comments and questions to share.

geddieman1 wrote:

So you’re saying that your door doesn’t have a lock? That’s odd.

OP responded:

I actually discussed this with my mom, my step dad came home earlier and left the door unlocked when he left, and no he's not the smartest.

Long-JumpingCode7908 wrote:

The father not trusting his daughter is an issue you cannot control or be involved in.

Your mother & stepfather need to say something to him about walking in uninvited. This isn't an issue you, as a young adult should have to address with an adult/parent of a friend. Your parents need to handle this part.

My suggestion to make your friend more accessible to you, aka more easily trusted to come over...encourage her to be responsive to his calls or alerts. Encourage her to be ready on time and waiting for him. Do answer the door right away.

Not a lot of information given, but it sounds like there might be part of the story missing from previous visits...? Why would a grown adult behave this way or be allowed to behave this way in someone else's home?

gelfbo wrote:

ESH “no one responds to the door knocks or replies to texts.” The problem is your friend not responding to texts and being alert for knocks around, at what I assume, is a prearranged time.

I’m giving the dad a slight AH as he didn’t go full options with the phone “ping” but I’m not sure if that is something he uses, not all dads are full tech educated on all options. Just answer a door when someone knocks and ffs respond to texts when you’re expecting to be picked up.

OP responded:

I absolutely agree with her not responding, but he constantly and consistently uses the pinger on her phone to get a hold of her even when her phone is on silent. He does it all the time as she leaves her phone on silent a lot.

Most of the time he does let us know he's on the way but not all the time. The thing about the door is that me and my step brother actually sat on my bed with my TV on to see if we could hear a knock - both of us could hear a knock on the door so I genuinely think that if he knocked at all it was super quiet.

Jakey38 wrote:

Your friend could solve a lot of this by not having their phone on silent 90% of the time. Also if the time is prearranged YTA, just cause he is her father does not mean he a free taxi service! Be ready downstairs at the correct time instead of watching tv with your phones on silent.

My siblings were like this! Expected my parents to drive them around, pick them up & would never actually adhere to times. None of you seem to have respected this father, so why should he respect you & not walk in your home to get his daughter, when calls, texts & knocks have been ignored!

OP responded:

My phone is never on silence and he did not even attempt to contact me. We always offer to drive to pick her up and drop her off too, something I did not know would've been relevant. He does not have to drive her around, and I've even offered gas money, something also not relevant.

And lastly about adhering to time, he constantly tells her when he plans to leave and will leave hours later. I was told she would be to my house around 5, she wasn't there until almost 9. What about my time, or my parents who were also expecting her for dinner, and their time?

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Edit/update: I should've clarified this in my original story, but the lock on my front door is slightly broken. It does lock, however it is pretty difficult and often it goes unlocked. I was recently told we don't always make sure the door is locked at night. My parents are aware of this, but my mother's husband isn't really a "get it done" Type of guy, and we've been low on funds.

My house is one floor and it's fairly small, so if friend's dad knocked on the door, we are fairly sure we would've heard it. He let us know when he was leaving his house, about 15 minutes from my house. She was completely ready when he got there, about 25 minutes later, the reason we weren't standing right by the door when he got there.

My step brother (also 17) was home but he didn't hear a knock, only came out when he heard the front door open. He said he knocked, but we're not entirely sure he did. I can drive and I offer to come get Friend, my mom also offers to get her because he drives her all the time but he insists that he drives her.

My parents don't get home until past 4pm, and he knows that if he wants her home earlier than that he has to get her, or again we would drop her off later on.

I talked to my mom about everything later after it happened and it made her realize that if my friend's dad is going to just walk into our house, then really anyone can.

Our house lock works like I said, but it's slightly broken and difficult to lock, however everyone in the house should be more careful to lock the door. We are also getting new locks after this, which is great.

My mom is worried that Friend's dad won't allow her to come over anymore but it sounds like he's already on the edge about that. He is only seeing from our perspective and thinks we're hiding something, and if my mom tells him it makes her uncomfortable then hopefully he'll see from her side.

No matter what happens my friend turns 18 in June and we graduate this year, so it's not too much longer but it still would suck not being able to hang out at my house anymore.

The comments kept rolling in.

Kairiste wrote:

Imma tell you a story. Long time ago when my mother was younger and living at home with her parents, a man got off the train in her town, walked a few streets in her neighborhood, and then randomly walked into one house, k--ling the occupants.

I am 50, my door stays locked at all times. I'm in the living room 5 feet from the door? Locked. Expecting a neighbor to drop by? Locked. Getting a pizza delivered? LOCKED.

It is not hard to unlock a door. And if someone whines about having to have their keys all the time, invest $130 in an electronic pad lock.

Please be in the habit of locking your door and making sure your parents/any siblings get on board.

KYWPNY wrote:

Your friend is the AH. Her dad is doing her a huge favor by bringing her to a friend’s house and she blows off calls, texts, and door knocks. His behavior is quite reasonable in the aforementioned circumstances.

External-Nail8070 wrote:

I'm a dad, and I'll tell you he probably is already annoyed at having to drop off and pick up his daughter. He should be beyond that - she wrecked her car. Doesn't matter that she hit a deer - it's a wrecked car and now he's back to playing taxi driver.

He shows up and you make him wait even one minute - don't answer the door or phone - no wonder he walked in. I'd be pissed enough to stick my head in and tell my daughter it is time to leave.

The fact is he is doing his daughter a favor by facilitating the visit, and you and her are making it more of a burden than it should be. Get your act together and have your friend ready when he pulls in the drive. He shouldn't even be making it to the front door. She should be out the front door before the car is turned off.

And you are fooling yourselves if you think turning 18 is somehow going to fix this. Until your friend has access to a car again - her dad is playing taxi driver. The age won't matter.

You sound entitled. Your friend's dad doesn't have to give her rides to your house - remember that.