I (19) am currently in university and happend to enroll together with an old (ex-)friend (M20) into the same uni.
We've been "friends" since the 1st grade and look and behave scarely alike. He had told me that he likes me before (when we were 17) and I've flat our refused him, but still stayed in contact.
Now onto the problems: we've attended a party together, like we usually do, bc we live on the same street and it's alot safer for me to go with a man than alone. It all went well until he decided to ask me if he could drink his beer from my t-ts, which I obviously said no to. He then asked me if he could touch them and I said no again and left the party.
The next day my friends asked me why I left the party and I've told them what happened. Well, problem is, today he came up to me and told me that my friends told what he said other people and now his social life is ruined, because people see him as a weirdo. I said sorry and rushed off. So I've been thinking about it, did I mess up by telling my friends and not keeping it to myself? So AITA?
PettyHonestThrowaway wrote:
NTA. I mean...if you don't want to be embarrassed by your actions maybe don't do things you'd be ashamed of. It's one thing to just say can I drink beer from your breasts and leave it at that when you declined.
But he didn't. He continued on. IDK why he thought you'd let him touch your breasts if you didn't want him drinking beer off them. And I don't know why he thought you'd let him near your breast or in any sexual manner if you turned him down already. If people are shaming him and he feels ashamed for his actions, that's probably a good think IMO.
Because from a good vs bad behavior stand point, yeah he wasn't behaving well. There's no reason to ask a girl to drink beer from her breasts if she's already turned you down earlier. The only time I can see that random request making sense to a random girl is if everyone's partying and she's into you that night but that's not this situation at all.
OP responded:
Thank you!! That's why I normally avoid partying in clubs, bc alot of men think it's okay to make comments about my appearance when I never asked. I dont mind a "you look so beautiful tonight", but a comment about my body is something completely different. And this one was especially a let down, bc I've talked with him before that I hate comments about my body 🙇♀️
Elly_Fant628 wrote:
NTA. If anyone "ruined" his social life, it was him. Don't put pressure on friends to do creepy things when you've already been told "no"; He FAFO, by ignoring boundaries you'd set. I'm more worried about you coming and going on a dark street if you no longer have him as an escort. Please be careful.
OP responded:
Hey, thank you!! Luckily I have a lot of friends, so I can always find an escort! Or I'll do what I did when I was young: dress like a man until I reach my destination. Most of the parties I went to often are house parties of friends I know, so I can easily just change when I'm at their place, but thank u for being so worried abt me!! 🫶
WeirdPinkHair wrote:
NTA. I learned, when I was about your age, that if a friend asked me out and I said no, if I tried to remain friends they would hold on to some weird hope that doesn't exist that you'll change your mind and after a couple of drinks end up saying something creepy.
For future reference, if you say no to a guy he is no longer 'safe' to escort you to parties or even be around. Not till at least he's had a girlfriend to show he's not into you anymore. I'm not saying he'll hurt you or anything but you're not just a friend even if he is to you.
What he said is creepy and dear god I hoped guys had stopped this s--t 20 years ago but apparently not. The fact that your friends told people is hardly your fault. He could have played it lots of ways (blamed alcohol, embarresed and can't remember etc)but decided to blame you. This shows he's even more of a nasty piece than you knew. Just block him for now and move on with your life.
sluttychristmastree wrote:
Absolutely NTA. You are not to blame for his creepy behavior. You went to a party with a friend to feel safer, and instead he tried to take advantage of that like it was an opportunity. That's disgusting, and it is not your job to protect his reputation. If he doesn't want people to think he's gross, he shouldn't act gross.
Madamnedmary wrote:
NTA. He k-lled his social life, he not only asked one inappropiate question, he doubled down, and asked another. You have nothing to say sorry about, but unfortunately, please document the incident and the intereaction, and any further convos or encounters with this person, in case you need to file a RO, just to be sure.