'AITA for telling my GF if she wants me to help her sisters, she needs to work?' UPDATED 2X

"AITAH for telling my girlfriend that if she wants me to help her sisters, she needs to work or reduce the days they come home?"

My girlfriend (30F) and I (29M) have been together for 4 years, I thought I knew everything about her until a few weeks ago, when I found out that her father passed and her mother and three sisters are homeless.

We were forced to be the babysitters of her sisters, at first everything was fine, but it got worse quickly, the family budget increased rapidly, my girlfriend's sisters do not respect me, they fly and insult me, they broke some dear objects, and it is hard to come home from work and find the house a mess, and cooking for 5 or 6 persons.

My girlfriend's depression is increasing and she can hardly get out of bed, but I need help immediately, my salary does not even cover a tiny part of it, I am working overtime and I am exhausted.

I asked my girlfriend to get a job or it will be impossible to continue the rhythm of life we are having. My girlfriend is angry with me, she says that I don't support her enough and my father tells me that I should be a man and face this situation for the woman I love, I don't know what to do. AITA for my request?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Salty_Thing3144 wrote:

NTA. You shouldn't have to pay for her family's expenses and such even if you were married. Right now she is just your girlfriend! I'm outraged for you. Are you sure this is the relationship you want?

OP responded:

Thanks, the truth is that no, it's not the relationship I would like and it's been a while since we were no longer good, plus she lied to me all this time saying he had no family, it's shocking, because I'm giving it all and still it's not enough....

Irishandknowit7612 wrote:

Take your father's advice be a man and make the tough decision of kicking them all out to save your own sanity. You are not obligated to take care of everyone else while your own health deteriorates.

OP responded:

I don't want to throw them out, I don't have the heart, but my spirit is broken and my body is at the limit, I think I've aged a year in a week, that's why I made this proposal, I can't take it anymore.

[deleted] wrote:

I don't understand your father. Be a man? Did he have a experience taking care of 4 homeless women and 1 depressed girlfriend by himself?

OP responded:

Thanks for commenting, My father is old school, in that sense, for him a man lives for and for his wife or girlfriend and that philosophy is carried out rigorously, that's why he asks me to endure more, for my girlfriend whom I love, even if it takes me to the limit.

Girl_Power55 wrote:

Your girlfriend lies in bed while you support her family and you are the one who isn’t doing enough? You need to set those sisters straight. Tell them either they start helping or they’re out. And don’t let them insult you. They should feel the fear. Where’s their mother? Lay the law down. Or you could leave, let your father move in and he can take care them all.

OP responded:

Thanks for commenting, their mom comes over sometimes, and with them the sisters are relatively well behaved, but it's crazy when it's my ex in charge, and I offered this to dad, but he didn't want to xD.

A week later, OP shared an update.

I posted my problem here a week or so ago, and would like to give my update. Basically, I showed everyone that I hadn't even finished the first week of the month and I was already in negative numbers.

Her mother explained to me that the.same thing was happening with her sister, where her daughters go to sleep, and they don't even have a mattress or room for themselves, they were saving up to buy them, that's why they ate and lived during the day at my house, I didn't think it was fair and we argued.

Everything got worse when my ex gave me an ultimatum, either we did things the way we were doing them, or we broke up, I was expecting that low blow, so I started to sell some things to pay the month's rent and the fine for leaving early, and I will wait until this weekend to move in with my mother or stepbrother, all this under secrecy, the situation is on fire and I don't want to add gasoline to the problem.

About my father, my stepmother put him in his place and apologized to me, which is rare for him.

That's all, honestly I would have liked a nicer update, but no, feeling like a stranger in your own home is the worst.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

tillwehavefaces wrote:

Are you on the lease or mortgage? What's your housing situation here?

OP responded:

Lease contract, and I am the only one in the signature, between tomorrow and the day after I contact the owner, who is aware of the situation, from what I found out, I will have to pay a fine or penalty, and this month, and see the situation of my ex, I do not know what will become of that sincerely.

Big_Murrz wrote:

Dude you have to talk to your landlord to get these people kicked out but it might become more of a headache at the end of the day. Try and get out as fast as possible. This is toxic behavior on your girlfriend’s part and the fact that she doesn’t have a job is wild. What about the mother? Why doesn’t she have a job? How old are the sisters? Can’t they get a part time job?

OP responded:

I am talking to the landlady, we will see how to move forward but for sure financially she will leave me broke, and about the mother, I don't know her well enough, I know she can't drive but I don't know much more.

And my ex, when she had her anxiety attacks and severe depression 3 years ago, we agreed that she would be a housewife and have part time jobs, for almost two years now she is not working, and the death of the father made her decline a lot. Her sisters are 12, 5, 4 and 2 years old.

[deleted] wrote:

IDK where you are but if you're in the US there are usually plenty of food pantries, churches and soup kitchens. SNAP benefits. There are agencies and services that will help with food and housing. Steer them in that direction.

OP responded:

I am not an American, but there are similar benefits in my country.

Five days later, OP shared an update.

Well, this update is better! This week was crazy, due to stress and tiredness I had problems with work, but I was able to talk to my landlady, we came to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to end the contract, she would be in the whole process of moving and all that, giving me a month of rent, but penalizing me for ending the contract prematurely.

So I sold almost 1/2 of my stuff (I would have sold a little more but I didn't have the time), to pay both moving trucks and all the fines. My relationship with my ex, even living with her was cold, I barely spoke and called her by her full name, I think she noticed because she started to tell me not to leave, or to forgive her, but I couldn't even look at her, I was a sea of tears the whole week but I'm getting better.

The day of the move, which was yesterday, the girls were not there, only her, and it was crazy, screaming, kicking, insulting, but my mom and stepmother, along with some friends helped me in my move that was done in half an hour (oh I thought I had more things), on her part.

She called a friend and a friend in common who took her things, in total it must have been an hour of work, and half an hour of screaming and crying, but thanks to the front mom stepmother I could get through it without crying.

Yesterday I had to block my ex and tosa his family, I hope they don't keep bothering, but with that family I don't know.

About my father we don't talk and he didn't show up, I only know that they are dis united a lot because of this my stepmother and him.

I don't know if the relationship will be the same. And now I am living with my stepbrother and his boyfriend, I sleep on a sofa, but I have freedoms, I can go back to sleeping in boxers and instead I have to work in his business on Saturdays, but I have a house and food insured even though I am financially broke.

Finally I would like to tell why I am precipitated in this situation, if I had a coin for every time a relative of my partner comes to live in my house, I would have 2 coins, which is not much, but it is curious that it happens twice, long ago, an ex brought her father, who lost his house, at first I said well, I have to help, but quickly it became hell, the man walked as if he was the owner of the house.

He brought his friends to play cards and stayed all night on work days, he did nothing, he ate everything, he did not wash his clothes, his hygiene was terrible, he walked in tighty-whities all the time, and he forbade me to sleep with my girlfriend, he made her sick, getting him out was difficult and very traumatic.

He broke things and made that month hell for us, but he left, but not before knocking me out in the street and humiliating me, the relationship with that woman died after that, I did not want to repeat all that again. Thank you all for your good wishes and encouragement, I send my virtual hugs and good wishes to all! Cheers and good luck and vibes to all!

The internet was deeply invested.

Echoquest222 wrote:

NGL, you carried this whole situation on your back like a champ. Moving out, handling the drama, cutting toxic ppl off?? That’s growth. Proud of you, man. Stay up and don’t let anyone guilt you into being their doormat ever again.

OP responded:

Thank you, it was very hard, these weeks exhausted me a lot, I moved heaven and earth to solve this, I no longer wanted to go through the same, and a little sacrifice to solve it quickly is good, and yes I hope that my column now formed of adamantiun is durable!

plane_practice8184 wrote:

Guess what? They are not homeless right now. They had solutions but didn't give a hoot about you to change things. You are nobody's parent apart from your children. Even with your children you teach them about life and let them go. Plan for your retirement beforehand.

OP responded:

If I understand it, if something like this happened to my brother, the first thing I do is look for a job, I hate to depend so much on a person, it doesn't give you freedom and this happens.

[deleted] wrote:

I'm sorry, but as someone with mental health problems of my own, that's nonsense. She decided that you needed to take care of her and her family. It was easier for her to make you pick up the tab than it was for her to go and get a job, and she thought you'd give in and do what she wanted.

Now she has to pay her own bills. Her family has to figure their own s#$t out. You were their life raft, and they didn't give a damn that you were underwater, they only cared that you kept them afloat. She's not upset because she loves and misses you, your ex is so upset because she's got to pay her own way which means getting a job.

OP responded:

Honestly, I was struck by how little my ex cared about me, I mean she saw how I was insulted and how I came home exhausted after more than 12 hours of work, and still she demanded more and more, and I feel that I took more than one backpack off my back.