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'AITA for telling my girlfriend that her friend is too ugly for my friend to date?'

'AITA for telling my girlfriend that her friend is too ugly for my friend to date?'

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"AITA for telling my girlfriend that her friend is too ugly for my friend?"

I’ve (29m) been with my gf (28f) for the past 8 months and it has been amazing. I’ve met her friends and I really like them all, and she’s met my friends and they all got along great. We are all hanging out together for the first time this weekend.

The issue is that my gf has told one of her friends, let’s call her Sue, that she thinks she would be perfect for one of my friends, let’s call him Mike. She has told her this multiple times, shown her pictures of him, and gotten her all excited. My problem with this is that I don’t think they are a good match at all. Mike is a very good looking guy, in great shape, is 6’2” and is a lawyer.

He has always dated very conventionally attractive women. Sue is great and I really like her, but she is just not very conventionally attractive. She is overweight and just doesn’t put much effort into her appearance in general. My gf has mentioned this potential match to me a few times, and I’ve always just kind of brushed it off with a “we’ll see” or “you never know” hoping it would just fizzle out.

But after we made plans to all hang out and after I found out she has been telling Sue about it, I felt like I had to say something to her. I didn’t want Sue to get her feelings hurt, and I didn’t want to put Mike in an awkward situation. I told my girlfriend I think she should not try to set them up together, and to just leave it alone, and if something happens between them, great, but not to push it.

When she asked why, I said I just don’t think they are a comparable match looks wise, and that I think Sue would get her feelings hurt. I said I don’t think they’re a great match personality wise either, since he is super active and she is much more of a home body.

This caused a big fight (our first real fight) where she accused me of thinking my friends were better than her friends, asking who else I thought was “ugly”, etc. I was genuinely just trying to avoid an awkward situation, but I might have made it worse. Should I just have kept my mouth shut and let it happen?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

StAlvis wrote:

ESH. "I told my girlfriend I think she should not try to set them up together, and to just leave it alone, and if something happens between them, great, but not to push it. When she asked why, I said I just don’t think they are a comparable match." And that is where you should have ended that final statement.

OP responded:

I did just start with “I just don’t think they’re a good match” and she kept asking why and got it out of me haha. I probably should have just stuck with the personality stuff though.

No_Apartment_4551 wrote:

ESH - No one should be setting anyone up. Your gf needs to stop interfering. It’s not necessary for you to police whom might find who attractive, either.

OP responded:

See I disagree with this, setting your friends up can be great. It definitely beats apps and bars. But the two people at least need to make some sense on paper is all I’m saying haha

Loquacious555 wrote:

DUDE!! Of course you should have kept your mouth shut! In what world would that ever go over well? NONE. You need to warn Mike about what your gf has in store for him. Then keep your mouth shut about it. Avoid the topic. period.

OP responded:

Yeah I probably just should have told him instead of my gf… but like I said I didn’t wanna put him in a weird situation either. I just over thought it haha

LusyLittleNotes wrote:

ESH. Your gf shouldn’t be trying to force a match, but you also don’t have the right to decide if Sue isn’t good enough for your friend. Let people handle their own feelings, she’s an adult and can deal with any crush disappointment herself. You’re overstepping too, no need to ‘protect’ anyone here.

Lot48stoaster wrote:

Sometimes the comments on some of these posts make it obvious that there are a lot of teenagers or very young people online. People acting like you're a jerk for considering physical attraction as an important factor in compatibility are either living in a fantasy world or haven't been in enough relationships to understand that whether we like it or not, physical attraction matters.

Your friend has a history of dating fit, conventionally attractive women. No matter how cool your girlfriend's friend is personality-wise, that will not change the fact that she is not your friend's type. Period. Even showing him a picture and asking would have put the friend in an awkward position of being honest and potentially being labeled an AH, or going along with it to be polite and ultimately resenting you.

Matchmaking within friend groups is tricky and can lead to serious strain in the friendship. Your girlfriend should have dropped it when it was obvious you weren't interested in talking about it, and she definitely should have dropped it after you said just to let it happen naturally if it's going to happen at all. You're NTA.

General_Penalty_4292 wrote:

NTA. People on here hold people to ridiculous impractical standards. Mike is obviously attracted to certain types of girls and seemingly has success with them (i.e. likely not in some denial about his own level of attractiveness). Sue is not that. Mike is not obliged to be into Sue. I am sure you can make the argument that it's a shallow view to take but that is just basic reality.

If they met without a setup and there were sparks then fine, it would be a happy exception, not something to force people into.

As for GF, she was setting Sue (and Mike) up for an extremely uncomfortable situation.

Nipping it in the bud was the right thing. You should be able to have conversations like that with your partner and frankly i disagree with people saying you shouldn't have explained why you didn't think they would be a match. It is totally valid reasoning and again, something you should be able to share with your partner.

Sources: Reddit
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