'AITA for telling my girlfriend not to join me on vacation because of her financial situation?'
"AITA for telling my girlfriend not to join me on vacation because of her financial situation?"
I (26M) have been dating my girlfriend (25F) for almost a year. Soon, I’ll be traveling to Las Vegas for a work event. My company is covering my round-trip international flight and expenses during the event. After that, I’m planning to use my vacation days to spend some time in Florida — that part will be paid out of my own pocket (domestic flight, accommodation, food, etc.).
My girlfriend wants to join me in Florida, but she’s not in a good financial situation. I just received my annual bonus, which is just enough to cover my own travel plans. She doesn’t have the money and suggested asking her dad to help cover the trip.
Here’s the thing: I know her family is struggling. They don’t have a car, there’s often a lack of basic groceries at home, no proper shower stall, no curtains — things like that. So it really doesn’t sit right with me that she’d ask her dad for money to go on vacation while those basic needs are unmet.
I’d love to travel with her someday, but I feel like this just isn’t the right moment. I’m worried she’ll take it personally or think I don’t want her there. But to me, encouraging her to spend (or borrow) money for this trip feels irresponsible. AITA for thinking she shouldn’t come and should use the money for more important things?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
laughinglovinglivid wrote:
INFO: has she asked for your opinion on this, or did she just let you know she might ask her dad?
OP responded:
She told me that she asked her father, but as far as I know she isn't concerned about her financial situation.
gcot82 wrote:
I mean you are NTA, but this really isn’t up to you. It’s her business to manage her finances and her relationship with her dad. I agree with you that what she is doing is dumb and selfish, but that’s her choice. Personally though, I do think this says something about her judgement and character. She knows her family situation. What does it say that she’s willing to put them out like this for a vacation?
Old_Sheepherder_630 wrote:
I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who knows their dad doesn't have money for groceries and wants to ask him to finance a non-essential trip for them anyway.
That level of selfishness is a deal breaker for me. NTA.
Alternative_Print279 wrote:
Frankly, reading that makes me think she is hoping you will bring her to the trip. You just got your bonus and she is broke. The "I'll ask my dad" could be an akward tip for you to step-on. I could be wrong and just imagining things.
Horror_Importance886 wrote:
If you want to travel with her but you're worried about her financial situation, have you considered adjusting your plans so your bonus could cover a shorter or closer vacation for both of you? Or so that sharing the cost would be achievable for her?
In before "why should he have to cover her costs or change his vacation for her if she's not financially responsible??!??!" Of course there's no obligation to, but if this is someone you want to travel with isn't this a compromise that's worth some thought? Because, what are the other options? You either go on vacation without her or she borrows money to join you that her parents can't afford to lend.
Then next year you get another bonus and what, the same thing happens again? Do you expect her financial situation to improve so she can eventually travel with you? Or are you expecting to eventually make enough that you CAN cover both of your costs? And the two of you will just never travel together until one of those things happen?
Idk like solo vacations/trips/activities are fine but if you want to travel with your girlfriend it seems odd to just act like it's 100% her problem to figure out how to travel with you, and ALSO then be judgmental of how she tries to solve that problem. The way you write it, it kind of sounds like you don't actually want her to join you. Which is fine, just, confusing.
And I'm wondering what you actually expect for the future of this relationship. The reality of being in a serious relationship with someone who makes a lot less money than you is that you're going to end up paying for more stuff if you want to have a relatively normal partnership, unless you are both living within the lower earners means and just saving the rest.
fungibleprofessional wrote:
NTA for offering the advice, as long as it doesn’t sound like you’re telling her you don’t want her there. Everything you’re saying sounds rational, but if I was dating someone for a year and they couldn’t afford to join me on a certain vacation, I’d probably figure out a way to fix that.
Specifically, I’d probably skip Florida and come straight home from work trip and find a more local/affordable way for you to spend your vacation days together.
Side note I’d be super pissed if my significant other ditched me for Florida. It would be more palatable to me if you stayed around Vegas and did stuff. First, it’s more like you’re extending your paid-for trip, not taking a completely separate trip without her. Second, Florida is 100% NOT worth tanking a relationship over.
mostly_lurking1040 wrote
This is where you start finding out if your financially compatible. Tell her it's a bad idea to go into debt for current fun stuff, and this is something you guys can look forward to and plan and save for it in the future, because you guys are the kind of couple that doesn't go into debt, because it knows how to manage money. And find out in fact if you are that kind of couple.