'AITA for telling my husband that if I die and he gets remarried the kids get half my money?'

"AITA for telling my husband that if I die and he gets remarried the kids get half my money?"

Right now we share accounts and all our finances and everything. If I happen to pass before him, I told him he would get everything. 100%. But, if he decides to get remarried, I wanted half of my retirement fund to go to him then half to our children- whenever that might be; 1 day after my passing or 20 years after my passing.

He got upset that he wouldn’t get the whole thing even if he remarries. I said his new wife should have her own retirement plan for him to share. If she doesn’t, that’s not my problem. He should have picked a second wife that was financially responsible.

I’ve worked hard for decades to build up my retirement, I don’t want his new wife to take advantage of all that I’ve worked for and use it up and leave nothing for my children. AITA for suggesting this? I told him if he passed, I would be ok with getting 50% if I remarried. But he doesn’t feel the same way.

WANTED TO ADD: I’m not trying to punish him for remarrying. I don’t want the new wife to take advantage of our finances and not give my kids what should belong to them. After my husband dies, she could possibly get everything that even belonged to me and she could give it to her own kids and totally ignore my kids.

And he does have his own retirement fund, probably has more than me. By the time we retire, my account will probably have more than him though.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

coolerbeans1981 wrote:

NTA. Good for you to be looking after your priorities (your children). Can you look into a will that puts half your money into trusts for them and have someone other than your husband manage the trusts?

"I said his new wife should have her own retirement plan." 100%. Your death shouldn't be him winning the lotto, whether he remarries or not.

OP responded:

Exactly. I want our kids to get something when I/we pass. If we need all our retirement for our care because of sickness etc, then that’s different. But if there’s anything left over, I want them to have it too.

Pristine_Nectarine19 wrote:

Talk to an estate lawyer and set up a trust.

OP responded:

I plan to do that. 👍 I have a family member that something similar is happening to her. Once step kids get involved, they’re gonna want their share and leave my kids with a small percentage of what they SHOULD get.

Thin_Arrival3525 wrote:

NTA. I’ve actually talked with my husband about how to manage money if I die first because I know a couple of people who have died and their new spouse (ahem, their new wife) has withheld everything from the children, including pictures or even a piece of clothing from their parent after they passed.

It was straight up greedy and evil.

Maybe it makes me a bad person but I don’t want my money funding some new woman’s lifestyle. I certainly wouldn’t spend my husband’s money on a new man. 🤷‍♀️

FishermanHoliday1767 wrote:

Just leave your children 50%. Expecting them to retroactively open the settlement is ridiculous.

LittleFairyofDe*th wrote:

You seem… awfully controlling about this. Like you are fine if your kids don’t get anything unless he remarries? That just seems like punishing him for finding someone else, not like you are doing it for your kids. Why wouldn’t they get half either way? That is just weird.

And in a comment you said you would want him to get some either way because "he has been a good husband"? He isn’t your sugar baby. He is your partner. Your attitude is super creepy and the reason I vote YTA.

[deleted]

My dad basically won the lotto when my mom died and he inherited her pension. Enough so for him to immediately retire and start treating his new gf (started dating 3 weeks after my mom died) to expensive vacations and building a $700K brand new house. He even started bragging about being a "millionaire" with what he inherited from her pension (although he blew a LOT of it really quickly).

Guess who gets what little remains of that pension when he dies? (Spoiler alert: it's the new wife). It felt gross watching him live it up and throw my mom's hard earned pension at his new wife even if was his right to do it.

KrofftSurvivor

NTA - you ever hear the old joke about the guy whose wife was dying? She was like, if you ever re-marry, I want her to have my clothes - and he says okay sweetheart. And I want her to have my jewelry - and he says - okay sweetheart. And she says I want her to have my golf clubs - and he says - that wouldn't work, she's left handed...