'AITA for telling my mom if she doesn’t stop being a helicopter parent, I'll live with my dad?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for telling my mom that if she doesn’t stop being a helicopter parent, I will live with my dad?"

I, M16, still wet the bed. This has been a problem since I was a kid and it is something my parents thought I stopped when I was around 14. I'm not completely sure how I've gotten away with it, but I genuinely do not want people to know. A few months ago, I started buying myself goodnites.

I still fit in the L size, and I didn't want to deal with wet sheets every day anymore. Like most months, I ordered myself some more since I was running out. I went to school and then went to practice. I came home to find that my box was 100% open, taken out of both boxes and on display to the entire living room. I am absolutely mortified.

My mom confronted me and I told her it was none of her business. I then started to curse at her and told her that I will move to my dads house if she doesn't leave me alone. I am 16 years old, and I most definitely do not want my mom to look through my packages that has my name on it on things I payed for with my job money.

She told me I was being unreasonable and I needed to do some self reflection.

AITA?

Not long after posting, OP shared two updates.

ETA: My dad is a diagnosed narcissist, as well as emotionally a--sive. He is the type of parent to tell my he wishes I would end my own life. I am his scapegoat kid. Me saying I will move in with my dad is a massive insult to my mom for everything he's done to me. I've had bloodwork done recently. Nothing is medically wrong on why I still do it. I've wet the bed since I was a little kid.

It's slowly has been improving the last few months. As my doctor told me when I was 14, "You will outgrow it when your body is ready."

Edit 2: I wet the bed because my brain doesn't make enough of a hormone, I sleep really deeply, and I have an insanely small bladder. Bedwetting runs in my family and my dad did it as a kid (meaning dude has a lot of things to be an AH about, the pull ups or bedwetting is not one of them).

I've tried desopressin, and I ended up getting bad migraines everyday. It didn't work as well as we all hoped to see (I was on it when I was 13).

The internet had lots to say in response.

StripedBadger wrote:

Bloodwork is not all there is to medical. Continuing the wet the bed at 16 is not normal. Your doctor should not have left it at that. There are reasons for your mum to be concerned and want to get more tests done. Your mother needing to know pertinent information about both your health and the general household expenses she needs to pay for is not helicopter parenting.

It is the bare minimum of her responsibilities as your parent. For her to know these things, be concerned about these things, and want to discuss and investigate them further is what she is meant to be doing. You might be embarrassed, and that might feel you upset and angry, but your mother is not in the wrong this time. I do not blame you for being upset.

But your actions because you were upset are still your own actions and you are still responsible for what you chose to do: threatening to put yourself in a custody situation that you both know is ab-sive and dangerous, just because you don't like what she did, is not a mature and reasonable way to handle any situation.

Instead of showing you're old enough to make practicable decisions about your health, this tells us what you don't have the maturity to do this on your own yet.

Theatomos1 wrote:

Uhh, she’s your mom? Honey she has every right to be concerned about your wetting the bed still at this age. And she has every right to know what’s being delivered to her door.

I understand you probably feel very grown but the fact is you’re still a teenager and you are legally her responsibility. I think you’re embarrassed about your problem which is understandable, but hiding things is never a solution…it just leads to more complicated problems.

And reading that you think your father is a narcissist, why would you even consider living with him? It sounds like you’re thinking emotionally about your situation and that’s never when you wanna make decisions. I have to say I agree with mom, I think you’re being unreasonable and need some self reflection. Have you seen a neurologist?

Old_Vegetables responded:

I think OP should discuss his medical issues with his mom, however it wasn’t right for her to open his packages and then put them on the table like a centerpiece. When my brother hit puberty he started ordering l-be on Amazon.

It would have been completely violating if our parents had opened it up and then left his box of l-be on the kitchen counter for the rest of the family to see. I get that m-turbating and wetting the bed are two separate things, but they are both sensitive matters, that if must be approached, ought to be done so delicately.

Evening_Music9033 wrote:

ESH I think your mom may have been more upset about dishonesty than the actual problem but she needed to be discreet not confrontational. You went off on her, likely due to shock & embarrassment but you needed to handle it better as well. You can't use dad as a threat every time things don't go your way.

As far as the bloodwork, if nothing is wrong with your kidneys or bladder then maybe you're just a heavy sleeper. Try not to have caffeine after lunch. Don't drink much after school. Try to empty your bladder before going to sleep. If that doesn't help, you might want to consider getting on medication to stop your bladder from filling overnight. Sometimes this is hereditary.

matriarch-momb wrote:

Hey kiddo. I’m a mom to teen boys. Embarrassing mom question incoming. How are your p00ps? Are you going daily? Are they hard? Constipation is a major cause of bedwetting. I know this because we finally figured it out when we got my (now) 14 year old son’s BMs under control. You say it’s been getting better lately and you play sports.

That activity is good and I bet you drink lots of water. Add in some fiber. There are some inexpensive gummy ones out there. Also, give your mom some grace. She knew something was up and was unsure how to address it. So she got nosy. We do that. And I get you’re embarrassed all to hell right now. But you need to ask her to take you to a urologist now.

At 16 you should have grown out of it and that means something else is up. And bloodwork isn’t going to show it. And apologize to your mom for overreacting to being embarrassed. She was wrong with how she handled it. You were wrong for the way you went off the deep end. You are both hurt and need to smooth it over.

OP responded:

Oddly enough, it actually got better right after I had ACL surgery (probably because I started to eat healthier in general around that time due to the amount of people who gain weight after). For now it’s been stagnant with improvements but February (5 dry nights) to March (19 dry nights) difference was honestly such a good thing to see.

Hellerelement wrote:

ESH I think the issue here is that you're not addressing something that is a serious issue. Unless you have an undiagnosed disorder, it's not normal for a 16 year old to be wetting the bed.

I understand you probably know this and are embarrassed about it, but it sounds like your mother wants to address it with you because she's worried about you. I would apologize to her and let her help you. I know it can be a lot, but you should face this head on. You don't have to ashamed of yourself and deal with this the rest of your life