'AITA for telling my mom that being with her husband's huge family for two weeks sounds like hell?'
"AITA for telling my mom that being surrounded by her husband's huge family for two weeks sounds like hell?"
My mom and "Harry" have been married for 3 years. They have two under two together and then there's me (17m) who isn't Harry's kid. Harry comes from a huge family. His parents are still alive, he has five siblings, they have something like 16 kids between them and then spouses. And all of them are coming to stay at our house for two weeks starting Saturday.
I found this out Sunday night. Harry said some of his relatives are bringing tents and others are bringing camp beds so they can all fit. But they'll be here for two whole weeks and a bunch of them are also going to be sleeping inside. Harry is so excited and my mom is all hyped up for it too. She isn't close to her family so she's looking forward to having family around.
I personally can't wait for them to be gone. I hardly know any of them and even though they are technically family by marriage now, I don't know that I'll ever consider them my family. My mom pulled me aside yesterday and told me I'm not acting excited and she can't understand why because she'd thought I'd want to get to know my extended family.
I told her that's a lot of people I don't know or care about coming to stay and it's not going to be comfortable. I said a day would be a lot but two whole weeks sounds like hell to be stuck with Harry's huge ass family. My mom started whisper scolding me saying they're our family too and how she expected me to be more eager to have them here.
I told her I'd prefer to stay with a friend for the two weeks. I said they'd even have an extra room to use for everyone. My mom said that was such a negative attitude to have. She told me I'll finally have grandparents, aunts and uncles, some cousins even. Don't I want that. I told her I would much rather be comfortable in my friends home.
Then last night mom told me the way I talked about our family wasn't okay and that if I really want to go to my friends house and if his parents are cool with it, I could, but she will be disappointed and she will still expect me to change my attitude. I was like thank you but mom told me the way I described being around Harry's family as hell is not okay. AITA?
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
Chilling_Storm wrote:
I can see and understand both sides of this. NAH
Two weeks is a LONG time for any house guests - OP keep that in mind with you staying at a friends.
Your mom wants to have more family and sees this as a good opportunity for her and for you. Having more people care about you is a good thing. Perhaps you can split the difference and give Harry's family a chance? Maybe stay for a few days, then leave for a few and then come back. Get involved in some of the activities and try to have fun?
OP responded:
My mom would be disappointed in me leaving at all. She wants me to stay and embrace them for the two whole weeks. So I think staying with my friend or hell going between a two or three of them, where there would be far less people and I know everyone, would be preferred. Joining in with mom and Harry's family during the day would be fine. Though not everything because they have a lot planned.
cascadia1979 wrote:
NTA. It’s totally inappropriate for anyone to tell you what you should think or feel. It would be one thing if your mom said “I understand that’s how you feel and I can see how this situation could be frustrating for you, but I’m asking you to give it a try for the sake of our family” - that would be reasonable and respectful of her.
That’s not what she did. Her attitude suggests that your needs will be ignored during the two weeks that this massive family will be in your home, so you’re not an AH for wanting to go stay with a friend.
Apprehensive-Ebb2683 wrote:
I mean, it DOES sound like hell. There's only 5 ppl in my family and it already feels suffocating sometimes. your mom is not being understanding here. Integrating into a new family is something that happens slowly and organically, it cannot be forced especially not on a teenager in such an extreme way.
Odd-End-1405 wrote:
NTA. Does your mother really expect his family to treat you like part of the family, given you are a recent addition at 17?! To be the grandson/nephew now? These are not your family! Will never be your family! You are their son's wife's son. They are your mother's husband's family. She is totally delusional. Enjoy your time in the peace and comfort of your friend's home.
RedGoosey wrote:
NTA sounds like your mum just wants to play happy families. Personally sounds like my idea of hell.
OP responded:
She wants a happier, larger family yeah. I didn't fully realize how much she's longed for that but now it's so obvious because she's really so happy they're all going to be here for two weeks.
LithoGiraffe wrote:
NTA. Whether or not you go to that friends house,---if you have any toys, games, or tech that are special to you or expensive.
HIDE THEM. like in the basement, in a box marked 'tax forms 2018-2020' kind of hide-them.
OR-have a really close/trusted friend hold it for you (bring them with you if you do go to their house). Otherwise you'll either have to share it with all the other visitors and their kids. but also risk them breaking/stealing it. You don't know these ppl.