'AITA for telling my wife 'it isn’t hard, you can do it by yourself' referring to IKEA furniture?'
"AITA for telling my wife 'it isn’t hard, you can do it by yourself' referring to IKEA furniture?"
So, my wife recently bought some new furniture from IKEA. She has been remodeling the house and almost every week she is buying something new. I do not like assembling furniture, and ever single time she has bought soemthing I am the one who is assembling it. I don’t think it’s that difficult.
Really it is more time consuming than anything.
I got home and she bought a new desk and asked me to put it together. I told her no, it isn’t hard, and she can do it by herself. She wasn't happy about any and did go do it.
It wasn't long until she made a loud yell. She dropped the price of wood on her foot. This caused a big argument about me not helping her and I pointing out that she doesn't want help she wants me to do it all. She called me a jerk and the desk is just laying on the floor not assembled. I am refusing to assemble it.
Edit: This is her hobby, basically every year she finds a room or multiple things and redecorates them even when it isn't needed.
She just wants to change stuff up.
Commenters had a lot to say in response.
Doktor_Seagull wrote:
ESH. There seems to be some massive disparity here. Your wife is bringing home flat pack furniture every single week and you are expected to assemble it? Why is she the only one making the decisions on what furniture you have in your home? Shouldn't these be decisions you make together? You should at least be assembling the furniture together.
Maybe this needs more I N F O to really judge. I can understand your point that you're a bit sick of assembling furniture every week without a heads up, but it seems like you've left her to make all the decorating decisions and I guess to her, assembling the parts IS your contribution to the whole project. You two need to communicate better.
OP responded:
She likes to redecorate, usally happens each year, she picks a room and goes for it. We have the money so her doing this isn’t a big deal, no need for us to have a conversation if she want to replace the desk, espically when she is the one that uses that desk. I don’t care if she want to redecorate, but she needs to do the work when she wants to do it.
owls_and_cardinals wrote:
NTA. I don't see why you should be burdened with tasks you didn't ask for and don't want to do, just because your wife is remodeling and keeps buying furniture that requires assembly.
Asking for help or splitting the responsibility or doing it together, perhaps, is one thing, but to your point, it typically ISN'T really all that hard, doesn't require in-depth knowledge of power tools or woodworking, usually not a huge amount of strength.
Reading between the lines, it seems like perhaps your wife has certain roles in her head that a man and a woman should do, and furniture assembly falls under the 'man' column.
So while I object to that idea in general, even if it was only you who COULD assemble this furniture, she shouldn't keep buying it if you aren't willing to put it together.
She's created a problem with a simple solution, and her rejecting that simple solution doesn't mean you should be forced to comply. Other options are for her to buy furniture that requires less assembly or to hire a tasker (ie on task rabbit) to do it.
OP responded:
That’s how I feel, she could go buy stuff that is already made.
I don’t want to assemble it, and if doent want to then she need to buy stuff already made.
kurokomainu wrote:
NTA. As you said, the problem is she doesn't want help, she wants you to do it all. You are the magic elf who allows her to awake to see the furniture all put together as if by magic overnight without her lifting a finger.
If there are bits where extra strength or an extra pair of hands are needed she could ask for your help with that; but what she wants is all the fun of the furniture shopping without the boring grunt work. And her dropping something on her foot once doesn't mean you need to do it all from now on just like before (that sound suspiciously like weaponized incompetence).
pudge-thefish wrote:
NTA she is the one buying this furniture she should put it together. If she wants you to help with a step or two here or there she should ask for that. But not just expect you to do it by yourself. I personally love putting furniture together and will push my husband out of the way to be the one to assemble it so I might be a little biased.
Sentient_voter wrote:
Your wife needs to play the Sims it's a lot cheaper than constantly redecorating your house. Imagine spending all that money on furniture but your place is decorated with the same IKEA crap as every undergrad moving into their first room needing the most affordable basic crap furniture. Yeesh.
No_Interest6092 wrote:
NTA.
I've built all the stupid furniture ive had delivered, and I only get my BFs help when I literally could use it (like with a book shelf and holding parts together so I can screw them).
She is weponizong incompetence by crying over her dropping a piece of wood on herself like come on. Leave the desk where it is, if she really wants it she can either work for it or start paying for it to be built by someone else.
SquareParking172 wrote:
NTA, she does lot want HELP she wants it done for her, she can pay to have someone assemble it if she’s doesn’t want to take the initiative to learn or doesn’t wanna do it herself. She’s isn’t helping you when she asks and it’s nobody’s fault but her own that she dropped it on her own foot.