'AITA for telling my wife she can either sleep with the cat locked in with her or get rid of him?'
"AITA for telling my wife she can either sleep with the cat locked in with her or get rid of him?"
My wife 'rescued' a cat a year ago. He is the most frustratingly annoying creature on the planet. He screams for attention 24/7. He does not allow us to do anything without his input. I haven't slept through once since we got him. He wails all night, incessantly. He's cost us thousands of dollars in vet bills and behaviorists trying to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it.
Ultimately, he's an orange cat and apparently they're prone to being AHs. He's healthy and has all of his needs met. He's treated better than most cats. I am at my wits end. He wants wet food 24/7 and he will scream all night until someone gives in and feeds him. He has kept me awake for hours.
If he's not screaming he's scratching at the wall or door. He just stands there, scraping his feet against the wall, staring into my soul.I was a single father for the first seven years of my son's life and let me tell you working 14hr days and coming home to a colicky newborn was easier than whatever f-king torture methods this cat is trained in.
I want rid of the cat. My wife knows how hard he is and doesn't think he'll be adopted and so doesn't want to give him up. At this point I do not care. I told her she can either move into the garage with him at night and deal with him solo or we can get rid of him. But I refuse to suffer any longer because this fat orange cat can't survive an hour without a meal.
My wife is pretty upset - we took on the responsibility of a cat together, we should keep looking for solutions together, she shouldn't have to suffer solo just because she doesn't want him to end up on some list.
I do not care. I am exhausted.
My kids think I'm evil but also refuse to do anything to help with the cat so I'm not super keen on listening to them.My son, upon hearing about my dilemma, asked me to post it here. I'm happy to hear any and all judgments, so why not?
The commenters had lots to say in response.
Euphoric_Travel2541 wrote:
NTA. You are at your wits end and it’s clear that something must change. But before you accept a euthanasia solution for this orange oligarch, consider an intermediate solution. Make a nice little area with water, food, litter box and a comfy bed for him in the garage. Be kind to him and feed him well during the day, and put him with some provisions, in the garage at night.
Away from you both and the kids. Get him in the morning. Keep to the same times each day. Treat him well, but make it clear that this is a permanent schedule. He will complain. Your wife and kids will complain. But you deserve the opportunity to have peace and a full nights rest, and it’s not cruel to the cat.
Separate_Print_18 wrote:
I had an orange cat whose behavior changed over time into what you're describing. He was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (thus the need to eat at 4 am...and then a couple months later at 2am and waking me up by trying to eat my hair). His case wasn't treatable and he was literally starving. We had to put him down.
During his illness, which lasted well over a year, I didn't sleep through the night and I didn't realize the impact until after he was gone. It had practically driven me crazy. Get the cat checked for hyperthyroidism and make sure you're feeding him enough. Good luck. NTA.
Leading-Knowledge712 wrote:
NTA. I wonder if your wife realizes that the cat has trained the two of you to feed him every hour. Clearly the wailing and crying is working for him!
An animal behaviorist should have told the two of you a long time ago to give the cat two reasonable portions of a nutritious cat food per day and remove uneaten food until the next meal no matter how much he carries on. With some tough love you could have gotten this behavior under control if you’d started right away.
However it’s clear that you’re now at your wits end, need sleep and a less stressful home situation. And you’ve tried many things that didn’t help. Therefore getting rid of the cat is the right thing. However, I suggest that looking for a cat rescue that might be able to rehome the cat would be the most humane solution.
BlueJaysFeather wrote:
You’ve created this behavior by feeding him when he yells and it’s really clear that you do not understand that. I had to let my kitten knock over a lot of things and just pretend to keep sleeping but after a bit she stopped because it wasn’t getting her what she wanted. She hasn’t woken me up for years.
However, at this point it’s clear that you don’t have the patience that will be needed to train this out after so much reinforcement. The most ethical option would be to rehome him directly to someone who wants a cat, or take him to a humane shelter to give him a second chance with someone else.
RainahReddit wrote:
YTA for not trying anything before the nuclear option. Put the cat on a damn schedule. Feeding is at set times. Have a way to signal mealtimes, like ringing a bell. Do not deviate from this at all, ever. It will get worse for a few days (an extinction burst) and then he'll stop. He will stop screaming for food when you prove to him that it doesn't work. Never, ever, ever get up for cats. It's the golden rule.