'AITA for telling people that I don't want to cut my hair and it’s my choice?'

"AITA for telling people that I don't want to cut my hair and it’s my choice?"

It's pink October in my country next month, breast cancer awareness and for some reason it seems like everyone is begging me to donate my hair to charity .I've long, thin wavy voluminous hair and that's the only thing I'm vain about: no makeup, fancy clothes, nothing.

First, it was my therapist, as l've previously stated I had already trimmed my hair last month, (and I barely wanted it tbh) I said I didn't have the courage many times but she kept saying that it was only 10cm. She said that as the coordinator of the clinic herself, she was going to bring a hairdresser or she'd go with me to a salon.

Then at school, the social pressure from teachers, staff, classmates, everyone. Next week a hairdresser is coming to the school, I'm ugly and insecure, and the only thing I get compliments for is my hair, I'm not going to cut it despite the noble cause, I can help them in other ways.

They're begging me and saying that l'm obligated to donate since it's not that much, but I don't want to. That I should donate in the name of everyone since it is so long. I’ve had a teacher that keeps repeating the same thing again and again cuz the project was her idea, I’m taking longer and different routes to not see her. AITA if I skip school that day?

"The Poor kids don't have the chance to choose, you have". I've met countless people who had/have cancer and only one of them cared about their hair. TBH I just wanna hide in a basement and come back on November 1st.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

CuriousEmphasis7698 wrote:

NTA. You are in no way obligated to cut off your hair for charity. If your therapist is pressuring you to do so, find a new therapist because that is not appropriate. If you think that you are going to face undue pressure or even be possibly forced into cutting your hair I would stay home from school when the hairdresser will be there.

Trespassingw wrote:

OMG! They all are breaking your boundaries and I would say people of power (like teachers) making this to a minor are clear abusers. You are NTA, of course, and all those people are bullying you. I'd make formal complaint about it or ask my parents to make it.

riontach wrote:

NTA. Unless they're donating their own hair, they're hypocrites. Even if they are donating, your hair is still none of their business.

inkbond wrote:

NTA. It’s awful that adults are attempting to guilt you into giving up bodily autonomy. Plus there are many ways to be charitable besides donating hair. If I were in that position, I would keep my hair, donate a few bucks and tell the people pressuring me that I’ve have already given to the cause.

Also, unless you and your therapist are working on some kind of exposure therapy for you regarding hair cutting or getting more comfortable with your looks, this request is inappropriate of your therapists.

Because of the power dynamic that exists between therapist and client, therapists are not supposed to exert pressure on clients to support therapists’ own causes. It can be hard to speak up, but telling the therapist how uncomfortable the pressure is should make them reflect on what’s appropriate.

arcticfox_12 wrote:

NTA. Would your parents help you? I would tell them, what your therapist and teacher have said and the pressure on you is inappropriate. I would also skip the haircutting day at school.

Labradawgz wrote:

NTA- Tell them that you believe that a woman has the RIGHT to body autonomy! No one has the right to tell you what to do with your body. I also am like you. I wasn't allowed to have long hair when I was younger. (My mom was weird about it.) I am now 56 and people think I should cut it because I'm too old for long hair.

I say it's my head. I will keep it the way I want it, for as long as I want it. It's no one else's business. If people give you a hard time, especially that teacher, ask them to shave their heads in solidarity for the cancer patients who lost theirs.

purplegirl998 wrote:

NTA.

Side tangent: I’m not sure about where you live, but where I live, minimum donation is 10 inches, which is 25.4 centimeters. I’m not sure how useful 10 centimeters is going to be, seeing as it’s just under 4 inches. I digress though.

If your hair is what makes you feel confident and it is what makes you feel good about yourself, then you are under no obligation to lop it off. Your therapist is being unbelievably unprofessional to suggest that you should get rid of something that makes you feel good about yourself.

If it was a one-time idle comment about serving others, and present that as an option, then maybe you could let it go, but they offered to escort you to a hairdresser. You should get a new therapist. As for the teacher, if you told her no and she is harassing you like this, maybe snitch her out to the principal?

I typically don’t like or support tattletales, but sometimes it is necessary to protect yourself. Once again, if it was a one-off comment, then it could be forgiven, but the fact that she is pressuring you to cut off something you love is incredibly unprofessional. You should not live in fear of your teachers. That is a sign of a bad teacher.

I don’t have quite the same amount of glorious hair you are describing (I wish my hair was like yours!), but I love my hair as well and try to take the best care of it. If someone was trying to convince me to donate it, then I would lose it at them. You are totally justified in your reaction. Stand firm and don’t give in!

peony_chalk wrote:

I'm surprised someone out there will accept hair donations of 10cm (4 inches). Every donation org I've seen wants at least double that, since most people who get wigs want a wig that has more than 4 inches of hair on it.

Your therapist is completely out of line to be pushing this on you. She needs to stay in her lane, and if she can't, you need to fire her and find a new therapist. Obviously you can't fire your teacher, but if they're making you uncomfortable, I think you're doing well to avoid them. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself this long, and I hope you can keep it up.

No is a complete sentence; you don't owe anyone an explanation. You also aren't a bad person for saying no, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. You aren't "obliged" to cut your hair any more than anyone else is obliged to cut their hair, or to give money to the cause, or to stand on the street corner doing funny dances with a sign asking for donations. NTA.